Showing posts with label Child custody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Child custody. Show all posts

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Murdering Susann Smith



by Heidi Hiatt

On February 12th of this year, Bothell, Washington resident Susann Smith didn’t show up for work. She was found bludgeoned to death with an ax–and stabbed– in the bathtub of her home. This murder set the community on edge and to date a suspect has not been arrested.

Smith had primary custody of her three and six year-old children. Her estranged husband, Allan Smith, saw them on evenings and weekends. They were getting a divorce and Susann had allegedly threatened to take the children back to her native Germany.

Allan has been named as a person of interest and the media has reported that he’d done an online search about countries without extradition treaties. The police are also investigating purchases he made including a bicycle that might have been used in the murder. To put it bluntly, all signs are pointing to the estranged ex-husband, who lived just two miles away.

The ferocity of the attack that was clearly designed to make sure Susann Smith was dead reeks of domestic violence. I could imagine it being committed by someone who desperately wanted her to know that he had power over her life and was in control of her final moments. This is someone who could walk away from a brutal homicide and go back to work without batting an eyelash because he felt it was justifiable.

A couple of weeks ago the local media reported an intensely disturbing development in this case– Allan Smith was moving Susann’s belongings out of the house and doing some repairs so he could move in. He has since moved back into the house where she was killed and is going to pursue custody of their children, who are currently under the care of Child Protective Services.

The house was a crime scene and the police served a search warrant there at the end of February, so I’m assuming they felt confident enough in their evidence gathering for Allan to remove Susann’s vehicle, have her blood scrubbed up, and remove sheetrock, which is what the Bothell Reporter said they did.

Allan Smith has not been officially named as a suspect and the Bothell Police might be trying to create an airtight case before arresting him. But many people are concerned about his being allowed to continue on with his life as if nothing happened, including some neighbors.

When a suspect is still on the loose, it’s logical for community members to wonder if this is an isolated incident, if there is a serial killer on the loose, to wonder if themselves and their own family in danger, and simply have a lot of questions in general. Sometimes the police could do a better job of rumor control and PR while a case is under investigation.

Initially the police asked for the public to share information and are still welcoming that, but inviting input without much output can make people reluctant to respond. I realize there may be excellent reasons for not sharing more about the case, but they have been fairly open about what evidence has been found so far, so I’m as curious about this as Smith’s neighbors are.

Hearing that the person of interest was moving back into a homicide victim’s house reminded me that some killers feel a great sense of power and satisfaction when they return to the scene of a crime. This is common in serial arsonists, who like to return to their crime scenes to feel the rush they get from viewing their own work.

This also reminds me that killers sometimes like to have trophies and mementos from their victims so that they can relive the crime and relish the sick satisfaction they got from taking a life. It’s like a man conquering a mountain and then standing there proudly next to the flag he just planted at the summit.

In a domestic violence case, it’s likely that a suspect moving back into a residence he used to share with the victim could be his way of gaining back something he thought was taken from him unfairly. It sounds like Allan Smith felt like he was having to work too hard to pay for too many of his estranged ex-wife’s bills and for child support.

Seattle-area news reporters have already asked the obvious question– will this be a repeat of the Powell case? Josh Powell was suspected of murdering his ex-wife but gained visitation with their two boys, who he brutally murdered seconds before he burned the house down with them in it. See http://wildninja.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/3084/.

It has always boggled my mind that men suspected of murdering their children’s mothers are allowed to have visitation or even custody of those children while they’re being investigated. Seattle attorney Anne Bremner and others told the world that Josh Powell would murder his two sons before it happened, but those two innocent little boys were slaughtered anyway. Susan Powell is still missing and Josh Powell’s creep of a father, who’s currently in prison, won’t talk.

I don’t know the details of how or if Allan Smith could get custody of his and Susann’s children. I’d imagine that if an arrest is not made soon or if he’s not arrested at all it could happen. Even if he’s completely innocent, those children should not be living in the home were the traumatic event of their mother’s murder happened. They shouldn’t have to use the same bathroom or even bathe in the same bathtub she was hacked to death in.

That Allan Smith would even consider bringing the children back to that home shows a shocking lack of sensitivity for the children’s well-being. That is typical of many domestic violence cases– the perpetrator’s actions are not about what’s in the best interest of the children, but about power and control. Allan attended Susann’s memorial service, and while he’s innocent until proven guilty, that is another classic move of spouse killers. Also, what parent is going to let their own children go over to that house to play with the Smith children?

At least one of Allan Smith’s family members has said that Susann was contentious and verbally abusive. If she was, does that justify any abuse or murder? Does her behavior– if that’s true– absolve her estranged ex-husband of any criminal actions? If she had any mental issues, were they a result of chronic stress and abuse? From personal experience I know that outsiders are so quick to judge when they lack empathy for what a victim might be going through. They attribute stress and emotion to the victim rather than what might be happening to the victim.

There are other questions. Could Susann have been threatening to go back to Germany to protect her children? Could Allan, who had accused Susann of sexually abusing their son, have killed her under the pretense that he was protecting their son? If arrested, how will the defense spin that? Is the defense going to claim that Allan Smith was already convicted in the public eye? It will be interesting to see how this plays out. This homicide was obviously premeditated and organized. It appears that the suspect was out for revenge and to regain a sense of control.

In conclusion, I’m very disappointed that this case has not gotten more news coverage. The Bothell Reporter has stayed on the case and reports updates as they get them, but where is the outcry and outrage over a local woman being murdered and the liberties the person of interest has taken? Are we so desensitized to murder because of video games and TV that we simply turn away and move on? Has Seattle-area society become the fabled priest and Levite in the tale of the Good Samaritan?

A woman is dead. Her possible killer might take legal action to force their children to live in the crime scene were she was murdered. Other people we know will be murdered in the same manner and by their partners and spouses because we turn a blind eye to domestic violence so often. This case should be a reminder that this can happen in every strata of society and it will only end when a majority decides not to tolerate the abuse and killings of their fellow human beings anymore.

See:

http://www.komonews.com/news/local/Medical-examiner-Bothell-mom-was-killed-by-injuries-to-the-head-191452901.html

http://www.bothell-reporter.com/news/204131081.html

http://www.bothell-reporter.com/news/206347541.html



Conviction is worthless until it converts itself into conduct. –Thomas Carlyle



Heidi Hiatt, MA recently graduated as a Forensic Psychologist.  You can read more of her posts at her personal blog, Truth, Justice, and All-American Allergen-Free Apple Pie Straight Talk in a Crooked World

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Protecting Children After Newtown



by Barry Goldstein

The terrible tragedy in Newtown has created intense feelings in this country and around the world. We have suffered from all too many mass murders and other catastrophes, but many pundits have I believe correctly stated that this one is different. The difference is those twenty precious children who had their whole lives ahead of them, so much to learn and enjoy and so much to contribute. The world is incredibly poorer for the loss of those children and the six heroines who sought to save them. We all have a moral obligation to remember the victims in Newtown. There is nothing we can do to save these twenty children, but there are so many other children we can protect and there must be no excuses for failing to do so.

EVERY YEAR IN THE UNITED STATES, WE SUFFER THE EQUIVALENT OF FOUR TO FIVE NEWTOWNS IN THE LOSS OF PRECIOUS CHILDREN AT THE HANDS OF ABUSIVE FATHERS INVOLVED IN CONTESTED CHILD CUSTODY CASES. I say this based on research that found news stories about 175 children murdered in a recent two year period by abusive fathers. In many of the cases the outdated and discredited practices used by the custody courts gave these fathers the access they needed to murder their children.

Perhaps our most fundamental Constitutional right is the right to free speech, and it is well established that this right is not absolute. The lesson from Newtown must be that any rights people have to own and possess guns and any rights parents have to their children must be given less consideration that the right of children to be safe. As every protective mother and father knows, the custody courts can and must do a better job of protecting our children. The court system’s refusal to reform broken practices based on compelling new research and their defensive response to criticism for their failure to protect children must stop.

The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children

When domestic violence first became a public issue in the mid to late 1970s, there was virtually no research about domestic violence. The focus was on the harm to women partnered with abusers. When mothers came to court seeking protection for themselves and their children, they were met with some version of “Is he also assaulting the children?” If the answer was no, the court treated the father as if he was just as qualified for custody and visitation as the mother.

Later research revealed the profound impact on children of witnessing domestic violence. Studies found that children impacted by domestic violence were more likely to engage in a wide variety of harmful behaviors that include substance abuse, suicide, self-mutilation, crime, prostitution, teen pregnancy, dropping out of school and for boys to abuse future partners and girls to be abused by future partners. The children were also more likely to suffer depression. The studies found that witnessing domestic violence was as harmful to children as being directly abused. In other words the earlier distinctions did not benefit children. This research resulted in laws in every state requiring custody courts to consider domestic violence when making decisions about custody and visitation. Some states passed laws creating a presumption against granting custody to abusers, but this was often undermined by requiring a high level of proof or severity for the law to apply. The result of these limitations was that many harms to children did not result in effective protection.

Additional research found that witnessing domestic violence interfered with the ability of children to reach their developmental milestones. In each age category, children have normal developmental milestones they need to reach as they grow and mature. One milestone helps achieve later milestones so that the failure to reach one milestone undermines the entire process and puts children at risk. In very young children, witnessing domestic violence can actually impact the hardwiring of their brain which has negative consequences the rest of their lives.

More recently, we have seen more research about the effects of adverse experiences like witnessing domestic violence. The more types of adverse experiences children have the greater the harm. Significantly, children who witness domestic violence have more physical and mental health illnesses as children and as adults, need more medical care and have shorter life expectancies. Court professionals must be asked how it can possibly be in the best interests of a child to impose such profound risks on the children they are supposed to safeguard.

Significantly, the study by Dr. Daniel Saunders for the U. S. Department of Justice found that court professionals need training about the impact on children of witnessing domestic violence. Usually evaluators, judges and lawyers have had some training and know that children can be harmed by witnessing domestic violence. The problem is they may not fully understand the extent of the risk or all the circumstances when an abuser’s actions can trigger this risk.

Protecting Children in Domestic Violence Custody Cases

Every state has laws or case law that describes a series of issues that courts should consider in making decisions about custody and visitation. This can include subjects like the preferences of the child, economic issues, friendly parent and many others. Most of the issues the courts are required to consider do not involve the very life expectancy of the child as witnessing domestic violence does. Every court has the authority to make issues that impact children’s safety the highest priority. This would certainly be in the best interests of the children. Nevertheless we repeatedly see courts focus on less important issues in cases where a proper understanding of the evidence regarding domestic violence would demonstrate the children are at risk.

I believe it is critical that judges and other court professionals be advised of the devastating impact domestic violence has on children. The specific potential harms should be mentioned in the initial court appearances, discussions with GALs and evaluators, cross-examination of expert witnesses, motions for temporary relief and closing arguments. The dire consequences of exposing children to domestic violence should mean that courts do not take these risks before getting all the information they need. They should err on the side of protecting children. A parent’s “right” to have access to their child and the child’s need to have contact with their parents should not trump legitimate safety issues. Even if the child survives, the lifelong health problems caused by the court’s mistake might not be reparable.

In order for courts to protect children from these dangers, the judge and other professionals must be able to recognize when the children might be at risk. Focusing on less important issues makes it harder to know when there is a danger which is exactly why abusers routinely raise false and less important issues. The court must also stop minimizing the risks or wrongly assuming that the danger ends when the relationship is over.

Disbelieving Valid Abuse Complaints

In cases like Katie Tagle and Amy Castillo and so many others the problem was that the court did not believe the mothers’ concerns and so made decisions that directly led to the murders of children. In most domestic violence cases the courts make the same mistake of disbelieving safe and honest mothers, but the consequences do not include the murder of children. Instead they are subjected to abuse, cruelty, separation from their mothers and new incidents of domestic violence. The harm to the children is not as dramatic and often occurs over many years and indeed their lifetimes. The additional medical problems and shorter lifetimes go unconnected to the mistakes made by the courts.

There are many flawed practices that contribute to the widespread failure of courts to believe valid allegations of abuse, but a large part is the assumption that protective mothers are lying about the father’s abuse. The court-sponsored gender bias committees from at least forty states and many judicial districts have all found widespread bias against women litigants and one of the most common examples is giving women less credibility than men. The recent U.S. Department of Justice study by Dr. Daniel Saunders specifically found that evaluators, judges and lawyers who do not have the specific necessary training to respond to domestic violence cases are more likely to believe the myth that women frequently make false allegations. Saunders specifically found that this and other errors lead the courts to make decisions that harm children. The research establishes that mothers involved in contested custody make deliberately false allegations less than two percent of the time and fathers in these cases make false allegations sixteen times more often than mothers. In other words we have a large number of catastrophic outcomes and solid research that explains the bad practices that place children in jeopardy, but none of this has led the courts to take a look at this pattern of errors that are ruining children’s lives.

There are other factors that lead courts to disbelieve and minimize abuse complaints by protective mothers. Significantly, most of these errors are explained in the Saunders’ report. Court professionals need training in screening for domestic violence so the many unqualified professionals fail to recognize valid complaints about domestic violence. They need training in risk assessment so these professionals minimize the significance of the fathers’ abuse and place children at risk. They need training in post-separation violence so unqualified professionals assume the danger ends when the parties separate. They do not understand that after the woman leaves is the most dangerous time. They also fail to consider that the abuser assaults and coerces his partner not because of anything she did or his lack of impulse control but based on his belief that men are entitled to control their intimate partners and make the major decisions in the relationship. This means that when abusive fathers are given custody or unsupervised visitation, they are likely to abuse future partners which will compound the harm they have already done to the children. As we discussed earlier, these professionals need training in the impact of domestic violence on children. Although they generally know witnessing domestic violence is harmful, they do not realize the full extent of the harm and so minimize the significance of the father’s abuse. This leads to mistakes where they focus on less important issues and are often more concerned with phony alienation claims than issues that pose genuine safety risks.

One common example of this is that when courts limit abusive fathers to supervised visitation because they pose a safety risk, there is often strong pressure to resume unsupervised visitation as quickly as possible. When courts punish mothers by withholding normal visitation for continuing to believe the father is abusive, courts often are willing to continue these restrictions for many months or years. Two recent cases in the Washington, D.C. area demonstrate the harm of this approach.

In the Rams case, the father had a long history of abuse and presented serious danger to the child. The court quickly reestablished unsupervised visitation with the father over the mother’s objections. The little boy, Prince McLeod Rams died during one of these visits.

The second case, involving a protective mother, Natalie Khawam was in the news because her sister’s complaint about harassment led to the revelation of the affair involving General Petraeus. The media covered the fact that General Petraeus and General Allen had written letters to the judge describing Ms. Khawam as a wonderful mother. The letters were cast in a negative light because the judge had accused the mother of lying about her abuse allegations and repeated deeply flawed findings by the evaluator pathologizing the mother.

In this case the mother always provided good care for the child and is the primary attachment figure. The court has restricted the child’s access to his mother for many months and is in no hurry to stop this harm of the child. It is well established that denying a child normal access to his primary attachment figure significantly increases the risk of depression, low-self-esteem and suicide when older. There are no safety issues about the mother’s care for the child and a review of the court procedure demonstrates serious flaws that suggest the findings are wrong. Rita Smith, Executive Director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and I submitted an op-ed about these two cases to the Washington Post. The cases perfectly illustrate the favoritism towards fathers and frequent disconnect between the courts’ focus and the safety of children. Nevertheless the Post decided not to print the article.

Dr. Saunders found that evaluators, judges and lawyers without the needed training tend to believe the myth that women frequently make false allegations, support unscientific alienation theories and assume children are harmed when mothers seek to protect them from men they have seen to be dangerous. The reliance on these false assumptions repeatedly leads to cases in which courts force children to live with dangerous abusers to guard against false and unimportant concerns instead of focusing on the children’s safety. These were among the mistakes found in the Khawam case.

The failure of courts to protect children is magnified by the widespread use of professionals who are part of the cottage industry supporting abusers. These are mental health professionals and attorneys who support abusive fathers because this is financially beneficial for the professionals. A large majority of contested custody involve abusive fathers seeking custody as a tactic to reestablish control over their victims. Domestic violence is about control and financial control is a common part of their domestic violence tactics. This means in contested custody the abusers most often control the family resources so the best way to earn a large income is to support approaches that help abusers. The Saunders’ study supports a finding that this cottage industry creates a significant problem in the custody courts. They combine a bias against protective mothers with inadequate training and yet courts often treat them as if they were neutral professionals.

The problem caused by these unqualified and biased evaluators and other mental health professionals is further magnified because judges and lawyers hear the misinformation they provide and often use it in future cases. It is easy to see how these common mistakes lead to outcomes that place children at risk. What is hard to understand is the failure to reconsider their standard practices based on the many catastrophic outcomes and the research that is now available. Dr. Saunders specifically found that there is a specialized body of research that the courts need to use to help understand and respond to domestic violence cases. The present standard and required training does not provide judges, lawyers, or evaluators with the expertise they need to respond effectively to domestic violence cases. Unfortunately the inadequate training that sometimes includes serious misinformation gives judges and other professionals a false sense of competency so that they are not open to new research or complaints based on harmful outcomes.

Media Coverage of the Homicides of Children

Television stations all over the country suspended their regular programming to cover the tragedy in Newtown. This was one of the most important stories of the last several years and it was properly treated as such. Fortunately, we do not expect to see twenty children gunned down at their school. The media quickly spent time examining how such tragedies can be prevented in the future. Reporters immediately placed Newtown in the context of several other recent mass murders and particularly ones at schools.

I want to be clear that I want the media to devote the level of coverage they did to the tragedy in Newtown. I want to know about the individual children and the brave women who gave everything to protect them. For many of us, tears were quick to come for many days. I profoundly hope the pain of this experience will motivate our country to finally adopt the reforms needed to make children safe. I want the media to continue to focus on this story and the governmental response until we make schools, theatres, malls and other places children frequent safe.

Reporters are not experts about guns, mental health, psychology, law enforcement, educational practices and so many other issues that should be explored in covering the murders in Newtown and discussing solutions. Accordingly, the media sought the assistance of a variety of experts who could help illuminate the issues and potential remedies. This is part of good journalism. It also provides a big contrast with their coverage of the hundreds of murders of children by abusive fathers involved in contested custody cases.

Failure to Expose the Child Custody Scandal

In the last few years there have been hundreds of cases of abusive fathers involved in contested custody disputes killing their children. These tragedies have resulted in significant local coverage and occasional national coverage. The media, however, rarely interviews domestic violence experts or seeks to put these murders in the context of a failed custody court system. I have not seen one major media story that places these murders in the context of the 175 murders committed by abusive fathers in a two year period from 2009-2011.

This failure is significant because it encourages the false assumption that these tragedies represent a rare exception to what normally happens. Professor Dianne Bartlow led a research study that asked judges and other court administrators in communities that experienced these tragedies about the reforms they have created in response to the murders and the research that demonstrates courts are placing children in jeopardy. Interestingly, the judges who responded tended to be the best and most caring ones. That is why they took the time to discuss domestic violence issues. They appeared to have a sincere concern about protecting children. Nevertheless, Professor Barlow uncovered few attempts to create the needed reforms. Instead most of the judges seemed to believe that the murders were a rare exception. In other words the failure of the media to place these tragedies in context makes it harder for reformers to recognize the pattern of mistakes that place children in jeopardy.

On New Years’ Eve, 1994, Anne Scripps Douglas was brutally murdered by her husband in her Bronxville, New York home. Ms. Douglas had obtained a protective order and sought to expand it to keep him out of her house. The court refused to provide this protection. The local newspaper provided substantial coverage to this case and severely criticized the judge for her inaction.

A few days later, I was in family court seeking a protective order for my client. During a conference with the judge’s law secretary the abuser’s attorney sought to avoid the protective order. The law secretary advised us that the judges had met after the murder and agreed to make it easier for abused women to obtain protection. Accordingly there was no way to avoid a protective order and the case was quickly settled. In other words, the judges had sought to learn from the mistakes that led to this murder and create the reforms necessary to protect potential victims. They might have done the same thing without the press coverage, but I believe it is likely the strong criticism and public outrage encouraged the needed reforms. We will never know how many lives were saved by improving the court practices.

The outrage and concern over the twenty children murdered in Newtown has created strong pressure for action to make children safer. The limited coverage for the 175 children murdered by abusive fathers between 2009 and 2011 and failure to place these murders in context gave the courts and the legislature a pass to do nothing. And so these murders continue.

Overcoming Extremist Messages

The impact from Newtown was so strong that a majority of NRA members were moved to support reasonable gun restrictions that might prevent this kind of tragedy. It provided an opportunity for the NRA to participate in a constructive discussion. Instead they responded in a way several commentators described as tone deaf. In doing so they demonstrated that the NRA is not an advocacy group for gun owners but a shill for the gun merchants. Several prominent long time NRA members and supporters spoke out against the NRA response and promised to be open to reforms that could help keep children safe.

The abuser rights lobby which likes to refer to themselves as “fathers’ rights” has played a similar poisonous role in promoting practices in the custody courts that place children in jeopardy. They like to create the illusion that they speak for all men or at least all fathers, but in reality they do not even represent most of the men who abuse women. Most custody cases, including those involving abusive fathers are settled more or less amicably. These abusers are willing to seek custody in order to obtain an advantageous financial settlement, but they love their children and will not seek to hurt their children by separating them from their mothers. The extreme abusers who are part of the abuser groups believe their partners have no right to leave them so that they are entitled to use any and all tactics to pressure them to return or punish them for leaving. Unfortunately the court professionals often assume these fathers are acting out of love for their children and fail to inquire about their motives.

The NRA and the abuser groups have been able to bully their victims and the community because too many good people have been afraid to stand up to them. It is particularly heartening that NRA members are speaking out in support of sensible reforms that would not interfere with the ability of law-abiding citizens to keep guns, but would make our communities and our children safer. It is also critical for men, fathers and responsible organizations representing men to speak out in support of protective mothers so that legislators and the media understand the abuser groups speak only for a small group of dangerous extremists. The National Organization for Men Against Sexism (NOMAS) is an example of a men’s organization that takes a strong stand in support of protective mothers and their children.

The True Meaning of Patriotism

A dear friend of mine is a protective mother whose children were harmed by the court’s acceptance of PAS. The three children were forced to live with the abusive father after he had sexually abused the two daughters. The mother won appeals decisions forcing a new trial and reconsideration, but the trial court ignored the law and the safety of the children to run out the clock so the girls aged out of the system before they could receive help for the harm caused by the father and the court.

My friend’s father was a World War II veteran and genuine American hero. He described seeing his buddies injured and killed and the horror that is war. He gladly did this for our country and his family. But when he saw what our courts did to his grandchildren she said he was sorry he ever fought. We failed this heroic soldier and we failed his grandchildren.

Patriotism can take many forms. It can include waving the flag on the 4th of July and other holidays. It must also include standing up to bullies from extremist groups, in the legislatures and the courts who are willing to place our children at risk. You see if patriotism stands for anything it must include the right to make sure our children are safe in their homes and schools.



Barry Goldstein is a nationally recognized domestic violence expert, speaker, writer and consultant. He is the co-editor with Mo Therese Hannah of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY. His next book, Representing the Domestic Violence Survivor, co authored with Elizabeth Liu is designed to train attorneys to present domestic violence cases and should be published early next year. Barry can be reached by email from their web site www.Domesticviolenceabuseandchildcustody.com

Monday, April 30, 2012

Department of Justice Report Demands Custody Court Reforms





by Barry Goldstein

Part I: The Game Changing Findings 

The United States Department of Justice provided a grant to support a major study by Dr. Daniel Saunders of the University of Michigan to determine how well court professionals and particularly evaluators are responding to domestic violence cases. The study comes in the context of frequent and substantial complaints that custody courts are using deeply flawed practices that result in placing children in danger. The Saunders’ study is the latest and most prestigious to confirm the validity of these complaints. Dr. Saunders found, “…domestic violence is frequently undetected in custody cases or ignored as a significant factor in custody-visitation determinations (report P. 4). One could argue about at what point the research became so compelling that reforms are required, but with the publication of the Saunders’ study there can be no informed discussion that the present practices are safe or acceptable.

Context

It is especially important that context be considered in understanding domestic violence cases, because the failure to do so has been one of the major problems in the courts’ response to domestic violence custody cases. Although we often disagree with various court decisions, the United States rightly has a very positive reputation for judicial fairness. Many of the protective mothers victimized by their abusers and then faulty court processes originally came from countries where courts are controlled by the state or otherwise biased. They began their cases confident that in this country the judge would hear the overwhelming evidence of their partner’s history of abuse and protect the children. Instead they became victims of the most extreme outcomes in which the abuser gains custody and the safe, protective mother is given supervised or no visitation.

Those of us who work with protective mothers must keep in mind that what we see constantly are part of a small percentage of cases. There are unfair advantages in the court system gained by litigants who have more resources and disadvantages to marginalized groups caused by racism and other oppressions, but most of the time the justice system works. Even in the custody courts more than 95% of cases are settled more or less amicably. The problem is with the 3.8% of cases which cannot be settled without a trial and often much more. Many court professionals have been taught these are “high conflict” cases and unintentionally use responses that help abusers, but the vast majority of these cases are actually domestic violence cases in which a father who often had little involvement in caring for the children during the relationship seeks custody as a tactic to pressure the mother to return or punish her for leaving. The Saunders’ study confirms other research that most of these cases involve domestic violence. We repeatedly see cases in which the father allowed or often required the mother to provide all or most of the child care and then seek to convince the court that she suddenly became unfit when she left him or made complaints about his abuse. The Saunders’ report demonstrates how evaluators with inadequate training or beliefs hostile to battered mothers help these abusers gain custody.

The custody courts, like other institutions, had to develop a response to domestic violence at a time when there was no research and domestic violence was first becoming a public issue. The courts relied on the popular assumption that domestic violence was caused by mental illness, substance abuse and the actions of the victim. This led to a reliance on mental health professionals as if they were the experts. In many ways the Saunders’ study is an investigation into how this practice has worked for the nation’s children. We now know that the original assumptions were wrong. Mental health training does not provide domestic violence expertise so the issue becomes whether the evaluator obtained sufficient specific training, but courts usually are more concerned with the post-graduate degree than relevant expertise.

The study specifically found, “Domestic violence is its own specialty. Qualification as an expert in the mental health field or as a family law attorney does not necessarily include competence in assessing the presence of domestic violence, its impact on those directly and indirectly affected by it, or its implications for parenting of each party. And even though some jurisdictions are now requiring custody evaluators to take a minimum amount of training in domestic violence, that ‘basic training’ by itself is unlikely to qualify an evaluator as an expert, or even assure basic competence, in such cases.” (report P. 133)

The court system uses the doctrine of stare decisis which means that once a finding is made the court will not permit the parties relitigate the issue. This makes a lot of sense as it would be a tremendous waste of resources to hear the same issues over and over again. Unfortunately, this is often applied in ways that make it hard for courts to understand the issues in context. Judges often want to consider each issue separately and in doing so fail to see the pattern which is so important in domestic violence cases. We have often seen a court initially make a decision denying the mother’s allegations of domestic violence. This may be the result of inadequate evidence, poor legal representation or the failure of the court to understand the significance of the evidence presented. Thereafter the court assumes the father is not abusive, but he continues to engage in coercive behaviors. When the mother wants to present the new incidents to prove he is abusive, the court will either refuse to hear any additional evidence of domestic violence or consider the new incidents separately from the earlier evidence. In other words refuse to consider the new evidence as a continuation of his pattern.

The initial complaints that custody courts were mishandling domestic violence cases came from protective mothers. Court officials quickly dismissed their concerns as coming from “disgruntled litigants.” Later more mothers came forward and we began to see a pattern of outrageous decisions. Professionals who looked at these cases found a pattern of mistakes and outcomes that could not possibly benefit the children. In 2002, the groundbreaking book, The Batterer as Parent by Lundy Bancroft and Jay Silverman was published. This provided substantial research to prove there was a problem with the courts’ response to domestic violence custody cases.

In 2004, the first annual Battered Mothers Conference was held. The initial conference included a limited number of protective mothers and very few professionals supporting them. Over the years the size of the conference has increased. The domestic violence movement came to understand how abusive fathers were using custody to undermine the work to prevent domestic violence and became strong supporters of protective mothers. Academicians and some government agencies also came to see the problems in the custody courts. In 2010, Domestic Violence, Abuse and Child Custody, co-edited by Mo Therese Hannah and Barry Goldstein brought together the research from many fields to establish that a high percentage of domestic violence custody cases resulted in custody for abusers and often supervised or no visitation for safe, protective mothers. The book presented chapters by over 25 of the leading experts from the U. S. and Canada including judges, lawyers, psychiatrists, psychologists, sociologists, journalists and domestic violence advocates. The evidence became clear that significant reforms were needed.

Court professionals, however, have reacted defensively to research questioning their practices. They did not seek to conduct research to see how the custody arrangements created by the courts had worked for the children. Their assumption continued to be that once a decision was made it must be right. Mothers who continued to believe the father was dangerous after courts denied their allegations often faced severe punishment and professionals who challenged the courts’ mistakes often faced retaliation. There was no effective forum for courts to reconsider standard practices that had been adopted before the current scientific research was available. When courts did create committees to review the response to domestic violence (or more commonly to contested custody), they responded like New York with its Matrimonial Commission. Instead of co-sponsoring with the NY State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, which would have provided the needed domestic violence expertise, the court system appointed a commission overwhelmingly consisting of judges and lawyers unfamiliar with the current research. In other words they gave themselves no chance to recognize the common errors that have become standard in domestic violence cases.

It was in this context that the Department of Justice provided a grant to consider the effectiveness of evaluators and other court professionals responding to domestic violence cases. Last year the Office of Violence Against Women (OVW) conducted a roundtable in which it heard from leading domestic violence experts. It appears that they have an understanding that the present system is placing children in jeopardy. The Saunders’ study confirms that custody courts are using practices that inevitably result in the failure to protect children. Although child custody is a subject traditionally and legally under the control of the states, the federal government can use its ability to provide or withhold grants and ability to draw attention to problems that are harming children to encourage the needed reforms.

Standard Child Custody Practices Work Poorly in Domestic Violence Cases

Alexander Solzhenitzyn wrote One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich which tells the story of a prisoner in a forced labor camp in the Soviet Union during the Communist era. The day described was cruel and beyond unpleasant as a reader would expect, but what made the story so powerful and haunting was the frequent reminder that the author was describing one of the “better” days. We would not want to think about what a bad day would be like.

Dr. Saunders describes some of the limitations of his study. There was no readily accessible list of evaluators or other court professionals. Instead he needed to recruit judges, evaluators and other professionals through professional associations or other venues where they could be found. Many of the judges who participated in the study were found through the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges (NCJFCJ). This is a voluntary organization which tends to be made up of judges who are trying to improve their skills and who care about domestic violence issues. In other words the better judges are more likely to be members of NCJFCJ. Likewise, the professionals who agreed to participate in the study are likely to be the ones who have greater knowledge and interest in domestic violence. Professor Dianne Bartlow recently sent me a first draft of her chapter for the second volume of Domestic Violence, Abuse and Child Custody. She contacted judges in communities where abusive fathers involved in contested custody had killed their children. We wanted to see to what extent courts adopted reforms in response to these tragedies and the research that established that many standard practices in domestic violence custody cases are working poorly for children. In reading the draft, it was very obvious that the judges who participated were more informed and cared more about domestic violence than the average judge. This is why they agreed to participate in the research. Accordingly, it is likely the professionals responding to surveys for the Saunders’ study are significantly better informed than the average professionals seen in custody courts. Dr. Saunders also pointed out that some of the participants might be influenced by their perception of the politically correct beliefs when responding to the questionnaire. This means that the professionals participating in the Saunders’ research and their responses are likely to be significantly better than the professionals and approaches battered mothers see in domestic violence custody cases. The results of the study demonstrate why our custody courts frequently make decisions that place children at risk in domestic violence cases, and like Ivan Denisovich, protective mothers probably face an even worse experience than what is described by the results in the study. As we describe the contents of the study, it is important to keep in mind the context and that the actual circumstances are likely to be even more dangerous for children and the mothers they depend on.

The term “domestic violence” did not exist at the start of the movement and was invented at a time when little research was available. Most domestic violence advocates and experts understand the limitations of the term because it tends to focus on physical violence and fails to explain the patterns and tactics used by abusers to maintain control over their victims. As a result, domestic violence means different things to different people. Court professionals can claim to have training in domestic violence and this can have many different meanings. Dr. Saunders and his colleagues understood this potential problem and instead sought to inquire about the professionals’ knowledge of specific information which is needed to understand a domestic violence custody case.

Dr. Saunders looked for seven areas of knowledge necessary for understanding domestic violence custody cases. These included: a) prevalence of dv, b) causes of dv, c) types of perpetrators, d) post separation violence, e) screening for dv, f) assessing dangerousness in dv cases, and g) effects of children’s exposure to dv. (report, P. 43) Dr. Saunders wanted to assess what percentage of court professionals had this vital information and how the absence or presence of this information affected the recommendations and outcomes. The percentage of professionals possessing this information is probably overstated for the reasons described earlier, but the impact of this information is likely to be accurate.

These specific areas of knowledge that Dr. Saunders believes are needed for professionals to make an informed decision are almost identical to the information we would require as part of the proposed safe child act. It would seem obvious that a court cannot assure a child’s safety in a domestic violence case if the professionals do not know how to recognize domestic violence and the behaviors most associated with lethality or other dangers and yet courts routinely make decisions without this vital information.

In the study, based on the self reports of the professionals, 75% of the judges and 83.8% of the evaluators had knowledge about post-separation violence. 61% of the judges and 84.2% of the evaluators claimed knowledge about screening for domestic violence and 73% of the judges and 78.8% of evaluators claimed knowledge about assessing dangerousness. In comparison, for dv advocates, 90.7% claimed knowledge about post-separation violence, 94.8 claimed knowledge to screen for dv and 96.4% claimed knowledge for danger assessment. Knowledge of six or seven of these subjects was considered necessary for working on domestic violence cases. This was claimed by 61% of the judges, 65% of the evaluators and 88.6% of dv advocates. (report, P. 51-52).

In addition to the dangerous outcomes, the lack of this knowledge means that the professionals in the case are not even discussing the issues that would most impact the children. In thirty years of practice I never saw an evaluation or court decision that said something to the effect that the mother is alleging the father hit her while pregnant (or sexually abused her or attempted to strangle her) and this would signify the highest degree of danger if it is true. I also never saw this kind of informed discussion in any cases I reviewed for consultation or research purposes. I think it is fair to conclude the professionals did not discuss this issue because they lacked training on safety issues.

At the same time, I frequently saw reports, testimony and decisions in which allegations of domestic violence were discredited based on non-probative information such as the mother returning to her abuser, failing to follow-up on her request for a restraining order, failing to have police or medical records or observations of children interacting with their father without showing fear (they knew he wouldn’t hurt them in front of witnesses). These statements demonstrate a lack of training in recognizing domestic violence. The inevitable result of this lack of training would be children placed in danger. The Saunders’ study found that even among professionals most concerned and interested in domestic violence, at least 39% of the judges and 35% of the evaluators do not have the training they need to protect children and their mothers. Even these percentages probably understate the actual limitations as some professionals may have overstated their expertise. Each of these unqualified professionals would likely be responsible for placing dozens if not hundreds of children at risk.

Clusters of Qualifying and Disqualifying Beliefs

The heart of this study was to consider how the training, knowledge, experience and beliefs of evaluators and other court professionals affects their recommendations and decisions. The study found clusters of beliefs that appear to be connected to training, experience and biases rather than the facts and circumstances of the case. This tended to confirm the belief that evaluations often tell us more about the evaluator than the parties being evaluated.

One cluster of beliefs by evaluators (and judges) included the mothers often make false allegations about dv and child abuse, survivors alienate children from the other parent, dv is not an important factor in making custody decisions, and children are hurt when survivors are reluctant to co-parent. These professionals tended to have less training in domestic violence and had personal beliefs supporting patriarchy and sexism. I will refer to these as unqualified professionals, but please understand that is my term.

Evaluators with better training, more familiarity with domestic violence and an understanding that mothers rarely make false allegations of domestic violence or child abuse tended to recognize that dv is important in custody decisions; victims do not alienate the children; and victims do not hurt children when they resist co-parenting. I will refer to these as qualified professionals.

One of the problems of asking professionals general questions about their response to dv is that they know they are expected to take dv seriously and this affects the responses received. Accordingly, Dr. Saunders used a vignette in which the mother described three incidents of physical abuse two of which are indications of a higher lethality risk. She also said he had a history of controlling behavior. The father said the incidents were isolated, occurred when he had been drinking and were exaggerated by the mother. The mother initially took the child to another city and seeks to limit the father to supervised visits even though he hasn’t physically abused the child. His psychological tests show no evidence of any major mental illness while her tests provide indications of anxiety, depression and paranoia. Qualified evaluators were more likely to investigate coercive control and the belief the father’s abuse caused the mother’s mental health issues. They were also more likely to recommend sole custody for the mother. Although supervised visits were recommended relatively rarely, qualified evaluators were the ones more likely to do so. Unqualified evaluators were more likely to support joint custody. “Of particular concern was the relatively high percentage of evaluators who recommended that the victim receive physical custody and the parents share legal custody. The potential negative implications of this arrangement need to be explained to evaluators given the likelihood that many abusers will use the arrangement to continue harassment and manipulation through legal channels.” (Report P. 14).

One of the main focuses of this study had to do with how often evaluators and other court professionals believed the myth (my term) that women frequently make false allegations of abuse. This was something that unqualified professionals often believed while qualified professionals understood is rare. The Saunders’ study found a close relationship between evaluators and other professionals who believe the myth, a lack of necessary training and recommendations that place children at risk. It is this ignorance and bias that has led to so many disastrous outcomes. Significantly, 58,000 children are sent for custody or unprotected visitation with dangerous abusers every year and in a period of two years starting in 2009, we found stories about fathers involved in contested custody murdering 175 of their children often with the unwitting assistance of the courts. The Saunders’ report is especially important because it establishes both that the courts are making frequent mistakes in domestic violence cases and demonstrates the kinds of common flawed practices that create these tragedies.

The danger of relying on unqualified professionals was demonstrated in a Bergen County, New Jersey case. The girl complained that her father and grandmother had touched her inappropriately. The father immediately denied the allegations and claimed alienation. Based on the evidence, the father certainly engaged in a pattern of coercive and controlling tactics and either sexually abused the child or violated her boundaries. The unqualified professionals in the case considered only sexual abuse or a deliberate false report and when they could not verify sexual abuse using flawed methods, concluded the mother was responsible for false accusations and separated the child from her primary attachment figure. At the first supervised visitation, the girl had a letter for her mother in which she said she was sorry for being such a bad girl. She believed she was a bad girl because telling her mother what happened led to the worst punishment in her young life. You can bet she will never make that “mistake” again which means if anyone else ever abuses her she will not tell.

DYFS, which is the child protective agency in New Jersey, selected a series of mental health professionals without the knowledge Saunders believes is needed. In the course of treatment, one of these “experts” learned that the father had broken into his prior girl friend’s apartment and she needed to obtain a protective order. Anyone who knows how to recognize domestic violence would have found this information compelling and indeed would have inquired about his history of abuse long before giving him custody. The professionals in this case ignored this critical evidence because they did not understand its significance. DYFS later hired a psychologist to review the case. She immediately recognized the significance of this and other evidence and recommended returning custody to the mother. She was the only expert to cite research to support her conclusion. Her report was ignored and the child forced to continue her punishment. The judge also refused to hear the testimony of a domestic violence expert although that may soon change. Unfortunately this is not an unusual case in the broken court system and confirms the lack of qualifications regarding domestic violence is far more common in custody courts than among the professionals who agreed to participate in the Saunders’ study.

The leading study about false allegations in the context of contested custody was led by Nicholas Bala and cited in the Saunders’ report. The study dealt with reports of child sexual abuse and found mothers in contested custody make deliberately false reports only 1.3% of the time. In contrast, fathers in contested custody cases were sixteen times more likely to make deliberately false allegations. It is important to understand the context. This does not mean that mothers are that much more honest than fathers, but rather this finding only applies to contested custody cases. The problem is that a large majority of contested custody cases are domestic violence cases in which abusive fathers use the tactic of seeking custody to regain control of his partner whom he believes has no right to leave. Accordingly these fathers believe they are justified in using any tactic to regain control including false allegations.

There is no reason to believe mothers would be more likely to make false allegations of domestic violence than child sexual abuse. Abuser groups claim that they make frequent false reports of both types of abuse. Why would there be any difference in the frequency of false reports of these two types of abuse? Nevertheless, Dr. Saunders was unwilling to use the Bala study as evidence regarding domestic violence. I do not say this to be critical of Dr. Saunders who I deeply respect and admire. The difference, rather, is based on the purpose of the decision. Dr. Saunders was conducting careful scientific research that requires specific cites for everything reported. I am interested in making decisions in the custody courts which requires a preponderance of the evidence. It is extremely likely the Bala study also applies to domestic violence and therefore professionals should realize that false allegations of abuse by mothers are rare. In contrast, the unqualified professionals relied on by the courts assume mothers frequently make false allegations when there is no valid research to support this claim and the available information suggests the opposite.

The Role of Bias in Promoting Flawed Practices

Two of the hypotheses Dr. Saunders sought to test with his research were the expectation that there would be a positive correlation between attitudes blaming domestic violence victims and belief in the frequency of false allegations and that there would be a positive correlation between belief in high rates of false allegations and belief in a just world, a social dominance orientation and patriarchal norms. (report, P. 30). Just world beliefs suggest that when good or bad things happen to someone there is a reason that it was deserved. This would mean victims somehow deserved his abuse and robbers who were not caught deserved to get away with their crime. Social dominance and patriarchal norms refers to a belief that men are entitled to unearned power and privilege over women. The hypotheses were supported by the research and help explain many of the mistakes seen in custody courts. In this way the outcomes are based not on the evidence or the well being of children, but on the private belief systems of evaluators and other court professionals.

The problem was illustrated by a Queens, New York case in which Paul Marcus, a fathers’ rights psychologist was appointed as the evaluator and treated as if he was a neutral professional. Shortly before his participation in the case he was quoted in a NY Times article sympathetic to fathers in which he advocated for shared parenting. He came into the case determined to force the parties to agree to shared parenting no matter how inappropriate it was in the case.

The parties were never married and the mother ended her relationship with the father after he assaulted her while she was pregnant. Lethality assessment, which was one of the areas of knowledge Dr. Saunders believes is needed for evaluators in domestic violence cases, includes assaulting a woman while pregnant as one of the behaviors that demonstrates a higher risk of lethality. Dr. Marcus minimized this and other important evidence of the risks presented by the father because he did not have this knowledge and his belief system undermined state laws that required domestic violence be taken seriously.

Dr. Marcus’ sexism was demonstrated when he referred to the mother as “hon” short for honey and failed to understand the objection when questioned about it. Although the father routinely worked 80-100 hours per week, Dr. Marcus demanded the parents share time with the baby equally and referred to the mother as an “extreme fundamentalist” for suggesting the father receive visitation every other weekend, one or two dinners during the week and additional vacation and holidays. Dr. Marcus also sought to pressure the baby’s pediatrician to support his plan to stop breast feeding the baby at one year old so that the father could more easily have equal time with the baby. In other words he was more concerned with the political value of the parties having equal time then the well being of the child.

Dr. Marcus had attended an excellent domestic violence training in order to qualify to serve as a parent coordinator. They provided the kind of current scientific research Dr. Saunders believed was necessary to understand the domestic violence aspects of the case. It quickly became clear, however that Marcus failed to read the material, did not have this needed information and made the typical mistakes of unqualified professionals. The judge continued to treat him as a neutral professional despite his obvious unfamiliarity with needed domestic violence information. He recommended custody to the abusive father which is what the Saunders’ study would predict from an unqualified evaluator.

Dr. Marcus is part of a cottage industry of evaluators and other court professionals that have sought to increase their incomes by supporting practices that favor abusive fathers. Most contested custody cases are really about domestic violence and most abusers control their partners including the family finances. This means that fathers in contested custody cases are most likely to have most of the resources from the family. Interestingly, one of the findings in the Saunders’ study is that evaluators who work for the court or the county tend to be more qualified than those in private practice. At the NCADV Conference when Dr. Saunders presented his findings, I asked if the superiority of evaluators who do not profit from each case might support concerns about the cottage industry. Dr. Saunders agreed this was a likely explanation.

The Saunders’ study supports earlier findings of substantial gender bias against women litigants. At least forty states and many judicial districts established court-sponsored gender bias committees that demonstrated the bias against women. The connection found by Saunders between beliefs in male dominance and patriarchy with inadequate dv training, belief in the myth that women frequently make false allegations and approaches that minimize or deny valid complaints about domestic violence, demonstrate how evaluators and other court professionals contribute to this gender bias.

Domestic violence advocates are part of the only profession that has exactly the domestic violence training needed to recognize when domestic violence is present and to formulate responses to protect the victims’ safety. The courts have repeatedly demonstrated a lack of critical thinking by refusing to hear testimony from domestic violence experts or minimizing its importance. Many judges have complained that advocates are biased because “they are always against domestic violence.” In the same way, firefighters are biased because they are always against arson and doctors because they are always against cancer. The laws and policy of every state and court is to work to prevent domestic violence. Advocates have the skill and knowledge to respond in the most effective way. The last thing advocates would do, would be to support a false accusation because the rare false charges have caused tremendous harm to the vast majority of women making truthful allegations, but facing skepticism and disbelief. Ironically courts are refusing to listen to genuine domestic violence experts while routinely treating mental health professionals with inadequate training in domestic violence and bias against women as if they were experts. Hopefully the Saunders’ report will encourage judges to look at specific domestic violence knowledge and training instead of degrees that provide little or no dv qualifications.

Other Findings in the Saunders’ Study

Custody courts have generally assumed that degrees based on more years of education would provide greater expertise. This is something that is generally agreed by most people. The Saunders’ study, however found that professionals with a social work degree were more likely to be qualified to respond to domestic violence cases than psychologists and made recommendations that provided more safety for victims. It appears there were two important reasons for this surprising finding. Social workers were more likely to use a holistic approach and this is helpful because context is so important to understanding domestic violence. Psychologists were burdened by the use of psychological tests that provide little information about domestic violence and thus distract attention from more critical issues. There are some tests such as the Campbell Danger Assessment that are useful in screening for domestic violence and risk assessment. The Saunders study probably showed more use of tests geared towards domestic violence than are actually used in the courts. In most cases psychologists rely on the MMPI or other similar tests that create the illusion of a scientific basis for their recommendations, but often do more harm than good. Significantly these tests were not created for the populations seen in custody courts and often result in pathologizing domestic violence victims.

Another important finding is that court professionals place far too much emphasis on the anger or emotion of dv victims. This was a key finding in research done by Jennifer Hardesty and supported in the Saunders’ study. The mother’s reactions are normal responses to the abuse they suffered, but the result is to blame the victim for problems caused by the abusive behavior of their partners. Gender bias committees that find women being blamed for the actions of their abusers are referring to mistakes like this. Unqualified professionals often use this anger all out of proportion to how it would impact their ability to parent the children.

The study also found that legal aid attorneys tended to be more qualified for handling domestic violence cases than private attorneys. We often see private attorneys discourage or refuse to present evidence of domestic violence and child abuse. In some cases this could be a reflection of the perceived hostility of the judge to these issues, but often is based on the belief system and attorneys’ lack of needed domestic violence training.

“On average, evaluators estimated that one-fourth to one-third of child abuse allegations were false. This finding raises serious concerns, because empirical findings about the rates of false child abuse allegations in divorce cases are much lower than these rates.” (Report, P. 117). Although deliberate false allegations of child sexual abuse by mothers are 1.3%, 85% of cases involving these allegations led to custody for the alleged abuser. The widespread lack of needed training, and bias of evaluators and other court professionals, explains why these tragic outcomes are so common. The reports of the Courageous Kids document the unspeakable cruelty caused by these mistakes. The court system has a moral obligation to expeditiously develop the needed reforms in order to stop forcing children to live with their rapists.

Abuser rights groups have sought to promote shared parenting approaches supported by fathers’ rights professionals like Dr. Marcus. Although most laws and case law promoting shared parenting have an exception for domestic violence, the widespread failure to recognize domestic violence makes these practices dangerous. Evaluators frequently recommend shared custody in domestic violence cases. “This finding is a concern because with joint legal custody, abusers can manufacture reasons to have contact with their partners and to restrict counseling, medical, and extra-curricular school events for the children.” (Report, P. 118). Courts and legislatures should reconsider promotion of shared custody. While earlier studies seemed to support its value under the most favorable circumstances, later research established it is harmful to children even when parents can cooperate and a disaster when it is mistakenly used in domestic violence cases.

Evaluators and other court professionals rarely recommend supervised visitation for dangerous abusers. The lack of adequate training in assessing safety issues and understanding the frequency of post-separation violence contributes to this mistake. So does the high priority given to including fathers in the children’s lives. In general this is a good thing, but unqualified professionals often support and require this even when the father presents a danger. Many children have been murdered as a result of the courts’ failure to take the risks seriously. Communities need to develop professional supervised visitation facilities so that this safe alternative is available. Tragically, the frequent imposition of supervised visitation against safe, protective mothers as described in the next section wastes the limited resources for supervised visitation on parents who pose no safety risk to their children.

Interviews with Mothers Victimized by System

Dr. Saunders interviewed 24 domestic violence survivors who suffered the extreme outcome of abusers winning custody and safe, protective mothers limited to supervised or no visitation. The purpose of this part of the study was to help understand the kinds of mistakes that lead to these outcomes. Dr. Saunders pointed out that these represent a small minority of case outcomes, but are important to study in order to determine the reforms that are needed. Many of the mistakes made in these extreme cases are also made in other cases but without the most extreme outcomes. We often see court professionals react defensively about complaints from mothers involved in these extreme cases, but Dr. Saunders recognized the cases represented outcomes harmful to the children. We need to create practices and reforms that can avoid these outcomes.

“In studying “worst-case scenarios,’ we might learn what might have gone wrong in their encounters with various systems. Our aim was similar to the assessments conducted by fatality review teams in family homicide cases.” (Report, P. 101) The research recognized that when the mother does not present a safety risk to the children, such extreme outcomes are virtually always wrong and cause tremendous harm to the children. In cases in which the father allowed or even required the mother to provide most of the child care during the relationship, the chances of a genuine safety issue are remote. The mother did not become unsafe because she chose to leave her abuser or complain about his abuse. Most of the time these extreme outcomes are imposed in retaliation for the mother continuing to believe her allegations of abuse despite the failure of the court (often using professionals who do not have the domestic violence training recommended by this study) to believe her allegations, labeling her as an alienator or pathologizing her based on tests that do not screen for domestic violence and were not made for the populations in custody courts. We often see diagnoses that seem to apply only to her behavior in the custody courts because she functions fine in the other parts of her life. These facts would lead to the diagnosis being discarded if the professionals were properly trained and unbiased.

The Saunders’ study developed a list of common mistakes that led to these harmful outcomes. The first problem was that court professionals ignored or minimized the domestic violence evidence in the case. This is exactly what one would expect to happen when evaluators and other professionals lack the specific training necessary to recognize and respond effectively to domestic violence allegations. Evaluators who believe domestic violence is unimportant or do not know what to look for to determine if the allegations are true have little chance to recognize the abuse. Evaluators who believe the myth that women frequently make false allegations are likely to support their self-fulfilling assumptions. Similarly, evaluators who believe men should control women or that the women must deserve any abuse they receive are not likely to treat her allegations seriously.

The second major obstacle to an accurate evaluation was an overreliance on mental health diagnoses of mothers to assess credibility. This mistake was caused by the use of psychological tests not meant for the population seen in custody courts, made less reliable by the stress of domestic violence and contested custody and magnifying minor personality issues into significant personality disorders. We often see cases in which the evaluator fails to recognize the father’s domestic violence or child abuse and then labels the mother as paranoid or delusional for believing her accurate allegations. The widespread failure of evaluators to use tests designed to detect domestic violence contribute to their failure to recognize domestic violence.

. The third major obstacle is the ineffectiveness of child custody practices in domestic violence cases. The professionals relied on often do not have the needed training and courts refuse or discourage the use of domestic violence experts who have the required expertise. Practices that view contested custody as “high conflict” instead of the actual domestic violence help abusers by penalizing mothers who demonstrate fear or seek to protect her children from a father she experienced as dangerous. The widespread belief that children need both parents equally contributes to pressure for mothers to cooperate with her abuser. In reality, children need their primary attachment figure more than the other parent and the safe parent more than the abuser. Nevertheless we often see court professionals respond to domestic violence by pressuring the mother to cooperate with her abuser instead of pressuring the father to stop his abuse.

The limited time and resources available contribute to the harmful outcomes. Mothers complained that judges and evaluators rushed through the hearings and meetings and did not take the time to understand the issues. Fathers were often given more time to present his side. Context is critically important to understand domestic violence and recognize the patterns, but the professionals tended to look at each issue and event separately thus depriving themselves of the ability to recognize these patterns. Domestic violence experts understand these issues because they look for these patterns, but the courts rarely seek their assistance in domestic violence cases.

These and other deeply flawed practices give evaluators and other court professionals little opportunity to make decisions that protect children’s safety. Significantly, the information provided by the survivors in this part of the study confirms the problems exposed from the responses of court professionals. Not all court professionals engaged in the harmful and biased practices, but enough of them did to make the extreme and harmful outcomes in some of these cases inevitable. As discussed earlier, the percentage of unqualified professionals is probably far higher than the percentage from the professionals who volunteered to participate in the study, but just the percentage of unqualified professionals revealed in this study explains the extreme harmful outcomes discussed by these survivors.

Conclusions

For many years, protective mothers and professionals supporting them have been criticizing the practices used by custody courts in domestic violence cases. The courts have denied the complaints even as ever more evidence of avoidable tragedies has surfaced. The courts appeared to have no interest in reviewing the outcomes of cases to see how their decisions have worked out. Ever more research has supported the concerns of protective mothers, but the court systems have refused to consider the needed reforms. With the publication of the Saunders’ study there can be no further doubt that custody courts are routinely placing children in danger because of flawed practices in domestic violence cases. The Saunders’ study demonstrates the courts are getting a high percentage of their cases wrong and these mistakes are inevitable as long as they continue relying on evaluators and other professionals with inadequate domestic violence training, widespread belief in the myth that women frequently make false allegations of abuse, and political beliefs and biases that support abusers.

Domestic violence victims are often forced to live in a pretend world in which their abusers deny their abuse or blame the victims for his mistreatment of her. When courts fail to use experts who understand domestic violence, they inevitably force victims to return to the pretend world in which only they are to blame. The Saunders’ study should be required reading for any professionals who provide advice to the court. The courts must immediately adopt practices based on the kind of current scientific research contained in the Saunders’ study and make it safe for battered mothers to discuss the reality of their partner’s abuse.

With the release of the Saunders’ study and the availability of other important information such as The Batterer as Parent and Domestic Violence, Abuse and Child Custody, judges can no longer reasonably pretend or remain oblivious to the frequency in which it places children at risk. It is now time to focus on the reforms needed to make our custody courts safe for children.

Unfortunately, it will take some time to retrain evaluators and other court professionals, adopt improved practices and make safety the first priority. The court system should work with domestic violence experts, who Saunders found to be the best trained and most knowledgeable group regarding domestic violence, to develop the needed reforms. Any attempt to limit this process to judges, lawyers and mental health professionals would be malpractice.

In the interim, tomorrow and every day thereafter more children will have their futures ruined until the reforms can be implemented. We can make every court professional immediately aware that the Saunders’ study has now established that the present practices are working poorly for children. The custody courts should immediately start requiring the participation of domestic violence advocates and experts in all domestic violence cases. If evaluators are appointed in a case they should consult with dv experts. Their prior belief and assumption that they had sufficient expertise in domestic violence has been shattered by the research in the Saunders’ study. From now on the most important factor must be that children be kept safe rather than that fathers always have access to their children.



The second part of this article about the Saunders’ study will discuss how to use the research in the report in individual cases and to reform the broken system.



Barry Goldstein is a nationally recognized domestic violence expert, speaker, writer and consultant. He is the co-editor with Mo Therese Hannah of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY. Barry can be reached by email from their web site www.Domesticviolenceabuseandchildcustody.com  






Friday, January 20, 2012

National Organization for Men Against Sexism Supports Protective Mothers




By Barry Goldstein

Introduction

The National Organization for Men Against Sexism (NOMAS) started 36 years ago as a pro-feminist, anti-racist, gay affirmative organization dedicated to supporting positive changes for men. It is open to men and women and strives to be considered as an ally by women. We believe this is especially important in the context of the widespread attempt by male supremacist groups to create the illusion that they speak for all men, or all fathers, instead of the narrow group of abusers they actually represent and support.

For thousands of years women have been treated as the property of their husbands and society tolerated and in many ways encouraged men’s control and mistreatment of their partners. Consider that the first law in the United States to address what we now refer to as domestic violence prohibited husbands from beating their wives—ON SUNDAY. The rule of thumb was a reform created to protect wives by forbidding husbands from beating their wives with an object thicker than their thumb. These laws were not forbidding men from beating their wives but only limiting when and how they assaulted them. Until 1976, every state made an exception to their rape laws to permit husbands to rape their wives, and this was not banned in every state until 1993.

The modern movement to end men’s violence against women began in the mid to late 1970s. This resulted in some reforms that made it easier for women to obtain protective orders, divorce, criminal prosecution, financial support, shelter and community support. These reforms made it easier for women to leave their abusers and in turn resulted in a significant reduction in domestic violence homicide. Interestingly, most of the lives saved were those of abusive men, as women were less likely to believe that the only way she could escape was, to kill her abuser. The Quincy Model (Quincy, MA created a successful approach to domestic violence that required strict enforcement of laws, restraining orders and probation conditions) included strong support to make it easier for women to leave resulting in a dramatic reduction in domestic violence homicide.

These reforms did not provide women with equal rights or protections, but even these reforms were too much for abusive men who continued to believe they were entitled to control their partners and make the major decisions in the relationship. They came together in male supremacist groups, complaining that women were being given too much power or even pretending women had more power than men. They developed an unspeakably cruel tactic in order to reclaim what they believe is their right to control their partners and prevent them from leaving. The tactic was to demand custody of the children despite their limited child care during the relationship, as a way to pressure their partners to return or punish them for leaving. They also developed many strategies to win these disputes including the development of unscientific theories (PAS) and support of a cottage industry of biased and unethical professionals that supported approaches and practices that benefited abusive fathers. The professionals found they increased their incomes by supporting abusive fathers who usually controlled the family finances.

The goals of these abuser rights groups are to eliminate child support, undermine laws against domestic violence and in some cases to permit sex between adults and children. These objectives would not go over too well with judges or legislators so they chose to conceal their purpose in an attempt to manipulate the media, courts and legislators. They started this manipulation by calling themselves “fathers’ rights” groups even though men and fathers have a long and continued history of enjoying substantially more rights than women and mothers. Most fathers love their children and would not support approaches so clearly harmful to children, but when good men fail to challenge the extremists involved in the male supremacist movement they can be successful in creating the illusion that they speak for most men and fathers. They have also done an effective job in covering up the extreme nature of their demands with benign sounding requests like “friendly parent,” shared parenting, treating parents equally (they leave off regardless of past parenting) and arguments that children need both parents in their lives (and then we see abusive fathers remove mothers from the children’s lives as soon as the courts give them control).

Long before I joined NOMAS, they were speaking up on behalf of protective mothers. I am now co-chair of the child custody task force with Jack Straton, but Jack was the chair for many years before my involvement. Jack wrote some wonderful articles supporting protective mothers and challenging the value of shared parenting. He also wrote an amicus brief for a case supporting a protective mom. Accordingly when I joined NOMAS there was no need to persuade the council of the need to support protective mothers.

At my first NOMAS Conference I agreed to present a workshop with Ben Atherton-Zeman about the role of men in supporting protective mothers. Protective mothers are the experts on this subject so it was important that we ask them what they would want men to do rather than decide for ourselves. We sent out a request for suggestions to a list serve supporting protective mothers and received many wonderful suggestions that became the basis for our presentation and an article on the NOMAS web site.
Throughout my time with NOMAS they have enthusiastically supported everything I have asked for on behalf of protective mothers. We passed a resolution supporting protective moms and asked men’s groups around the world to join. Several responded with their support. We have co-sponsored the Battered Mothers Custody Conference the last three years and will be co-sponsoring the NCADV conference for the second time this July in Denver. We have also signed on to letters and amicus briefs on behalf of protective mothers. In March of 2011 the office on Violence Against Women in the Justice Department invited a group of a dozen of the leading experts in the country to speak about the crisis in the custody court system. I was honored to be among the experts asked to present and specifically mentioned my involvement with NOMAS.

We believe this is particularly important because of the success abuser rights groups have had in manipulating courts, legislatures and the media to believe they speak for all or most men and fathers. In reality they represent the most extreme abusers and speak only for themselves. We want the government and others to know that most good men and fathers want to see children protected from abusers and certainly would not support the loonies who are part of the male supremacist movement. We particularly want the courts to understand that the professionals who are part of the cottage industry supporting abusive fathers do so because it is the best way for them to make large incomes and should never be considered neutral professionals or appointed as GALs, evaluators and any other position the court would rely on.

The NOMAS Approach and Perspective

NOMAS Council meetings are particularly interesting because they are based upon our perspective and we take our goal of acting in a non-oppressive manner very seriously. Towards the end of each meeting we have a process in which any member who is part of a marginalized group can point out any offensive statements or behavior from someone in a privileged group. This means that a person of color can discuss racist behavior, a woman could raise sexist behavior and someone from the gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (GLBT) community could object to heterosexist behavior.

This is not done in an accusatory or negative way, but rather in an informative and supportive manner. It is important to understand that we would define racism, sexism and other oppressions differently than they are understood by the general public. People usually become defensive when accused of racism or sexism because racism is viewed as the kind of extreme behavior we would associate with the Ku Klux Klan and sexism is often understood as extreme behavior such as sexual assault or offensive slurs. We believe oppression is far more subtle and good people can engage in offensive behavior without realizing they are doing so. Accordingly when someone from a marginalized group points out an offensive statement or behavior it is considered a gift because we would otherwise have been oblivious to our offense.

We are privileged to have two remarkable women with lengthy service to the battered women’s movement on our Council. Rose Garrity is the Executive Director of the New Hope Center and a former member of the NCADV Board of Directors. Phyllis B. Frank is the director and founder of the VCS Domestic Violence Program for Men which is the oldest batterer program in New York State and third oldest in the country. Phyllis and Rose have been instrumental in developing the New York Model for Batterer Programs. Phyllis has been a mentor for me these past twelve years and I have been privileged to attend weekly training led by Phyllis as part of my work as an instructor and later supervisor in the program. Phyllis and Rose help us to understand sexism and domestic violence in addition to their many other contributions.

We also have a process in which we remember past council members and others who have contributed to the work of NOMAS who have passed away. As a fairly new member to the council I have learned about some remarkable men and women. We speak of their contributions and in doing so are reminded of the context in which we continue their work.

There is also a process in which we express criticisms and appreciations regarding anything that may have happened in the meetings or conference. This is always done in a supportive way and reinforces our determination to act in a respectful manner. The appreciations help make sure we take the time to tell each other of the good things we admire in the other council members. I believe this helps us work in a more collegial and cooperative manner.

I have the opportunity to speak about current child custody issues when I make my report for the child custody task force. We also address these topics in discussing our conferences and other presentations. The council has always encouraged me to let protective mothers and organizations supporting them know that we are available to provide whatever assistance and support we can. We particularly want the public, courts and legislatures to know that good men and fathers support protective mothers.

The Importance of Oppression Theory

The men in the batterer program I teach initially do not understand why we are discussing racism or heterosexism in a class about domestic violence. The reason is that all of the oppressions are interconnected. We cannot end one oppression without ending all of them. Imagine a black man who hates racism because of the harm it causes him and wants to do whatever he can to end it, and then he mistreats his partner because of his sexism and in doing so helps maintain racism. Similarly a white woman who hates sexism because it undermines her life and safety, and wishes to do whatever she can to end sexism, and then she unconsciously engages in racism and in doing so she is helping to perpetuate sexism.

This tendency to undermine our own best interests by supporting some of the oppressions is not accident but part of the plan to make it work. Many of our actions supporting oppressions are unconscious. We have seen, for instance, local television newscasts provide disproportional coverage of crime stories and particularly ones in which black men are the alleged perpetrators. This continues even when the crime rate is down and results in whites fearing black men which in turn make it harder for them to obtain employment and other disadvantages.

Oppression theory refers to an arrangement in society in which one group is given unearned privileges over the other group, and is treated as being more valuable. Racism refers to the privileges of white people over people of color and sexism the advantages men are given over women. Other common examples of oppression are classism (rich over poor), heterosexism (heterosexuals over the GLBT community), ableism (able bodied people over the disabled), anti-semitism (Christians over Jews, but also applies to other religions) and there are others.

The disadvantage refers to the structure of society rather than other aspects of a disadvantage. Obviously the resources rich people have give them a large advantage, but the oppression of classism increases this advantage. This is why society focuses on explanations that blame the poor for their condition (i.e. laziness, bad character, stupidity) instead of societal obstructions such as poor education, lack of opportunity, health issues including lack of treatment, etc).. Obviously there are examples in which both explanations apply, but the tendency to blame the victim adds to the obstacles poor people face. Disabled people are disadvantaged by their physical condition but again this can be exacerbated by societal behavior. If a group of friends wish to go to a restaurant but cannot do so because the restaurant is not accessible, they will sometimes blame the fact that one of them is disabled instead of the restaurant for not providing the needed accessibility.

It is important to understand I am speaking of unearned privilege. A surgeon has the privilege of operating in a hospital that most other people do not have, but this is an earned privilege. The doctor had to obtain substantial education and training in order to qualify as a surgeon (of course the doctor may have had privileges that made it easier to access and afford the education and training). The men in the batterer program I instruct will sometimes complain of oppression when I enforce a rule or direct the discussion to consider our perspective. This is an earned privilege however; as I am required to receive weekly training in order to earn this privilege. When white people receive privileges based on racism or men based on sexism, this is an unearned privilege.

Sexism is fundamental to a discussion of domestic violence because sexism causes men to use abusive tactics against their partners. Contrary to popular misconceptions, men do not abuse their partners because of mental illness, substance abuse, anger management issues or the behavior of their partner. Sexism causes men to believe they are entitled to control their partner and make the major decisions in the relationship. They use domestic violence tactics to coerce their partners to accept their control and decisions. Unqualified mental health professionals without an understanding of domestic violence dynamics often make false and dangerous assumptions that the abuser will no longer pose a threat once the parties have separated. This contributes to the widespread failure to take domestic violence seriously.

The King Center in Atlanta is run by the family of Dr. Martin Luther King and highlights his life and work in the civil rights movement. They have an exhibit that tells the stories of people today continuing his work and significantly it shows activists working against many different oppressions. I particularly remember the story of a Russian woman who started the domestic violence movement in her country. Clearly the King Center understands the need to end all oppressions in order to end racism.

Oppression Causes Tremendous Loss of Opportunity

I sometimes use a song by Terry Cashman, “Now They’re Writing Songs” to promote a discussion in the batterer classes I teach. The men may wonder why I would be playing a song about baseball in a domestic violence class, but it makes the class more interesting and encourages a rich discussion. The song concerns the integration of baseball and particularly the role of Jackie Robinson. The song raises some wonderful issues for discussion such as the ability of Jackie Robinson to control his reaction in the face of unspeakable cruelty and disrespect that was far beyond what abusive men claim makes them lose control and abuse their partner. The integration of baseball was achieved not by some legislation, but by private behavior just as abusers continue to engage in controlling and criminal behavior despite a change in laws. Men in the program sometimes say that domestic violence is based on a belief system that will never change and yet there was a time when most white people thought major league baseball would never permit black ballplayers.

For purposes of this article, I want to focus on how the segregation of the major leagues and racism in general undermined the ability of people to reach their potential. This in turn made all of society poorer, financially and otherwise. In the song, Cashman points out that there might have been more Willie Mays’. By segregating baseball for so many years, the owners prevented most of the public from seeing the artistry and talents of so many other black baseball players. Significantly, the loss to society went far beyond missed pleasures.

Many black baseball players became heroes and role models for black children and this could have been impacting our society generations earlier. We cannot know how this might have changed some of their lives and what contributions they could have made to society. Some of these players would also have become heroes to white children which might have led to some of the reforms, integration and opportunities sooner than they occurred. Obviously we still have a long way to go to overcome the harm racism has caused, but we might have been further along the path to these improvements.

In the times we are speaking about, major league baseball players did not make much money because the owners controlled the players and free agency did not yet exist. Nevertheless, many of the players would have earned more money than they could otherwise earn. This would have helped their children receive a better education and other opportunities so they might have a better chance to reach their potential. The players might have been able to use their income from baseball to start small businesses that could have improved the economy in their communities. Again we can only imagine the financial and other benefits this would have provided.

The loss of potential from domestic violence is far more widespread than just affecting the direct victims. Obviously women murdered by their abusive partners never have an opportunity to reach their potential. Similarly, even survivors often fail to accomplish all they would have. This loss can be caused by interference in her career or education, denial of an opportunity to pursue her career, difficulty concentrating as a result of his abuse, direct interference with her employment or many other ways. We also know that children who witness domestic violence are far less likely to reach their potential. Abusers can’t reach their potential if they are in jail for their crimes, but even if they are never punished, the time wasted stalking and harassing their victim undermines their ability to be all they might have been. Since children who witness domestic violence are more likely to commit crimes against third parties, many of these victims will also be denied the opportunity to pursue their goals and accomplishments.

At the end of the song Cashman says he wishes there was something he could do to change what happened. This describes a sadness to the song because there is nothing anyone can do to eliminate the harm caused by the long time segregation in baseball. I often write about the crisis in the custody court system and tremendous harm it causes by continued use of outdated and discredited practices that harm women and children. This is different than the song because there is something we can do to change the harm caused by the use of flawed practices. It would be unspeakably sad if another singer many years from now sings about the harm caused by the broken custody court system and again says I wish there was something I could do to change it.

Oppression Creates Substantial Financial Losses to Society

As part of the research I did for my chapter about the approach to domestic violence in Quincy Massachusetts and Poughkeepsie, New York for the second volume of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY, I learned about the tremendous financial cost of tolerating domestic violence crimes. Just the additional health care costs amount to $750 billion. This is a higher estimate than many other studies because it looked at more than the immediate treatment of a wound inflicted by an abuser and considered the long term medical costs. Many diseases, including heart disease and cancer are caused or exacerbated by stress. There are few things more stressful than living with an abuser. Victims try to survive by self-medicating themselves and this later requires treatment for various addictions. Domestic violence also creates mental health problems such as depression and PTSD. Furthermore, children who witness domestic violence also have increased need for medical services.

Bill Delahunt, the district attorney who helped create the successful Quincy Model noticed that most of the men in the maximum security prison in his district had a history of witnessing domestic violence and/or being directly abused physically or sexually as a child. In other words domestic violence crimes are the cause of many other crimes committed against non-family members. Accordingly the financial cost to society of tolerating domestic violence crimes includes those crimes and many others committed by children who witnessed domestic violence crimes. When everything is considered, society spends over one trillion dollars every year as a result of criminal activity. Obviously if domestic violence crimes were eliminated it would not end all or even most crimes, but there would be a significant reduction. Conservatively it is reasonable to calculate that at least $200 billion is the result of domestic violence crimes.

The additional losses to business and the economy are even harder to calculate because we cannot know what an individual could have accomplished if she had not been undermined by society’s tolerance of domestic violence crime. We do know that billions are lost each year from absenteeism caused by domestic violence. More billions are lost in reduced productivity of the abuser and his victim. The larger amounts can only be estimated. What might victims, abusers, children witnessing domestic violence and third party victims have accomplished if they had not been undermined by domestic violence? Most would go to work, contribute to the economy and never be known except to family and friends. Some might have started businesses that employed many others. Others might have been teachers or worked in other professions that inspired still other people to make contributions to society. A few may have created new industries, important inventions, medical discoveries or become an important political leader. This loss of opportunity probably costs society at least hundreds of billions of dollars every year.

In my chapter I deliberately used a conservative figure and concluded the United States could save $500 billion every year by using the best practices we already know work to reduce domestic violence crimes. If we could end sexism, this would eliminate domestic violence and therefore society would gain over a trillion dollars every year. In other words just this one part of the cost of sexism costs each person in our society about $3,000 every year. That seems like a ridiculous amount of money to pay so that a group of abusive men can continue to abuse and control their partners.

Internalized Oppression

Racism, sexism and the system of oppression are not natural developments that were inevitable, but rather created by a small group of extremely wealthy, white, Christian, heterosexual and able-bodied men. They largely control the media and other places where the public receives information and messages. This means that those advantaged by each oppression and those harmed by it have heard the same misinformation throughout their lives. Accordingly, many members of marginalized groups have internalized the messages that work against them and thus are affected by internalized racism, sexism, etc.

This was reflected in a study by Drs. Kenneth and Mamie Clark that showed black children preferred white dolls over black dolls. This was an important part of the evidence in the groundbreaking Supreme Court case of Brown v. Board of Education that resulted in a court order to desegregate our nation’s schools. Similarly when we see women minimize their partner’s abuse or suggest that wife rape might be justified, because somehow husbands are entitled to sex with their wives even if she does not want to engage in a particular act, these are examples of internalized sexism. Members of the advantaged group often seek to use statements by members of the marginalized group based on internalized oppression as proof they are accepting of this mistreatment.

Reverse Oppression

At least since some of the success from the civil rights movement, we have seen those who opposed any progress complain about “reverse discrimination.” Similarly we sometimes hear male supremacists complain that they are the victims of sexism and that women are being given all the advantages. The Supreme Court has even rendered misguided decisions supporting this kind of backlash. These arguments are based on a fundamental misperception about oppression and how it works.

Men who abuse women and other people who try to benefit from the various oppressions often seek to justify and keep their unearned privileges by discussing issues out of context. In some cases they may not even realize they are doing so. For instance when someone complains about an affirmative action program they limit their discussion to how that one program makes it harder for them but fail to consider all the other benefits they receive because they are part of an unfairly advantaged group. We have seen studies where applicants for jobs submit similar resumes but some with names that sound like they are white and others that sound like they are black. Those with white sounding names were far more likely to obtain interviews and employment. A program that makes it easier for blacks to be hired reduces that unearned advantage white people have, but the net result continues to be a tremendous advantage for white people. It is the reduction of that advantage that is misunderstood as if it were reverse discrimination. Similarly, we live in a sexist society in which women are expected and often forced to provide most of the child care. The research is clear that children benefit from living with their primary attachment figure. They are more likely to suffer depression, low-self-esteem and to commit suicide when older if separated from their primary attachment figure. Nevertheless fathers claim it would give mothers an unfair advantage if they were favored for custody because the mother did most of the child care and their children need them more. Of course male supremacists don’t phrase the issue quite that accurately.

Conclusion

Promoting the well-being of men is among the goals NOMAS seeks to accomplish. We believe this can best be done with a pro-feminist, anti-oppression approach. The male supremacist groups routinely use feminism as a pejorative and have made severe and unreasoned personal attacks against members of the NOMAS’ Council in response to our support of protective mothers. They view us as traitors for supporting women and don’t understand that ending domestic violence and sexism would also benefit men.

Imagine what would happen if we approach men and made the following offer. If you will stop all coercive and controlling tactics against your intimate partner(s) and treat her respectfully you will receive $200,000. This is based on my research on the Quincy Model which shows we all pay $3,000 per year in order to continue tolerating men’s abuse of women. If someone lives for seventy years they would gain $210,000. In reality the benefit would be more because there are additional benefits such as improvements in the education system as children could learn better when not impacted by their fathers’ abuse. I believe most men would take this deal and I like making the offer because few men understand the harm their domestic violence is causing to men.

The financial impact of domestic violence is by far not the most important harm it creates. Men’s abuse of their intimate partners takes lives and routinely destroys the quality of so many other lives. Men would find that their relationships are so much more satisfying and enjoyable when based on equality and mutual respect. Sexual relations are so much more pleasurable when it is based on giving each other pleasure rather than pressuring a partner to do what you want.

One of the important lessons from the Quincy Model and a centerpiece of their approach was the importance of helping women leave their abusers. The custody courts by accepting misinformation that seeks to label contested custody as “high conflict” when they are mostly domestic violence cases, have failed to understand the motivation of fathers seeking custody despite little prior involvement with parenting their children. The purpose of abusive fathers seeking custody is to prevent or punish women for leaving him. In other words they are seeking to create a result that undermines approaches that have been shown to save lives and we now know would also save money. It is in this context that it is so important for NOMAS to take the strongest possible stand in support of protective mothers.

The financial benefits of ending domestic violence, while not the most important issue, is exciting because it will create a strong incentive for politicians, business and the public to make ending domestic violence a priority. NOMAS looks forward to working with and supporting protective mothers to reform the broken system. I hope protective mothers will contact us when you need to let the powers that be know that good men are on the side of protective mothers.



Barry Goldstein is a nationally recognized domestic violence expert, speaker, writer and consultant. He is the co-editor with Mo Therese Hannah of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY. Barry can be reached by email from their web site www.Domesticviolenceabuseandchildcustody.com

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