I Will Never Do That Again, Part Two

By Jillian Maas Backman

This blog post is part two of a series I began last month entitled: I will never do that again! It is never easy to let go of significant relationships of any kind. It becomes even more intense if it is embroiled in abusive behavior. There are layers of complexity that come along when severing this tortured existence. The good news is can be done and should be done right away!

I am always on the lookout for things that spur my inspirational internal muse for writing. Even though this subject matter is very heavy, I found a key when watching a random reality-based cooking competition on television. The culinary chefs were instructed to de-construct familiar conventional recipes and transform these classics into a rejuvenated contemporary counterpart. I am going to “borrow” this cooking term and apply it to this discussion on relationships.

RELATIONSHIP DE-CONSTRUCTION

You must break down people pairings into the most intimate details in order to re-construct a mutually exclusive loving energy exchange.

To accomplish this goal I deliberately started this series with the sole focus on relationships first before addressing the individual. Conventional wisdom would tell you otherwise. Learn to love yourself first before venturing out to love others. When you are analyzing relationships from an energetic perspective I have found people have an easier time “sensing” others energy before their own. The first diagram represents a healthy energetic relationship we all secretly desire for ourselves.

More often than not, however, the majority of people end up a relationship closer to this unhealthy and unbalanced configuration.

The first diagram represents a healthy energetic relationship we all secretly desire for ourselves.
 

More often than not, however, the majority of people end up a relationship closer to this unhealthy and unbalanced configuration.

 
They become consumed in finding the holy grail of relationships. They eat, sleep, and dream of falling in love with one special person forever. Ultimately, spending more time chasing the quest of falling in love with another instead of spending this valuable time falling in love with themselves. Somehow, vicariously assuming if they center their love intentions on someone else, by default, will also fall energetically love within. In the end, settling for less than what they deserve out of love.

The Chemistry of Love

What is the initial statement most people report when they are falling in love with someone else? “I feel different when I am with them. We have good chemistry together, like we have known each other forever!” They have falling into “kinetic touch” with other’s energy before knowing their own sensations of love.

How many of us can turn that same statement around and apply that love chemistry to ourselves. “I feel differently when I am with myself, like I have known myself forever!” Can you identify or feel your own kinetic energy within?

In part one of this series I requested you to spend the last thirty days observing the energetic relationships you have in your life right now. This is a crucial starting point if you are willing to heal your own energy field and stop the vicious cycle of repeating negative relationships. You need to know what you are energetically putting out there and what others perceive on your behalf.

Close your eyes and feel your own energy around you. For many of you this will be your first time ever, so cut yourself a break. Take mental notes of any sensations coming to the forefront of your mind. Please do not worry if you do not feel anything at first. The energy force in the body runs vertical, up and down. Unhealthy relationships are usually stuck in a temporary condition I label “Energetic flat-lining.” This occurs when someone gives so much energy away to others their energy begins to run horizontally rather than the normal vertical flow through the body. Their energy is a jumbled- up mess with other sick and unhealthy people. You cannot sense or feel where your energy begins and ends with anyone around you. Creating a complete dis-connect to individual vertical energy. The more you live in the state the more energy pieces are given away and result in unhealthy, unbalanced energy circles.

Notice the energetic gaps and chunks missing out of the enclosed circle. If you relate to this picture, your first order of business is to STOP what you are doing and take a self-imposed time- out for yourself to heal before jumping back into another serious relationship. If you continue to operate with this kind of broken energetic pattern in place you will surely open yourself wide open to repeat your past regrets. As demonstrated in this diagram every lingering piece of unhealthy exchanges nibbles away at the invisible shield around all of us. Over time it will function in the world at half-life status. Meaning, this incomplete energy structure will begin to “feel” normal to you and everyone else. Other incomplete and unbalanced energetic people will seek you out like a moth to a flame. You are sending out energetic red flares to the world to come find you. Rest assured, they will!

It is not fair that we feel obligated to give energetic pieces of ourselves away so others can feel complete in their inner circle. If one continues this sad pattern for too long energetic fatigue will eventually set in. Like a boat with thousands of wormholes in the hull, only a matter of time before it sinks with exhaustion.


Relationship Re-Construction

Decide to change your configuration with exaggerated intention. I am mad as hell and not going to take this kind of stuff from anyone anymore!

Step One: STOP the energetic depletion.

You cannot control the obsession from others to tap in and drain your energy, but you can control how much you let someone take from you.

Healthy relationships never drain energy from each other; they bestow energy upon each other.


Step Two: Retrieve your pieces back from the ones that stole them!

I understand this is a harsh statement coming from me. My words are usually encased with calm quiet underlying recommendations. In this case, however, strong statements are needed to convey the severity of this kind of dangerous energetic existence. If you live your life with an open sick shell in this world you will get hurt again.

In theory no one can really steal your energy pieces from you without your permission. The problem is most people are unaware this is happening. Forgive yourself and complete this exercise instead of dwelling on the pre-existing open energetic wounds.

Find a quiet spot where you can be alone for a while. Sit or lie and get into a meditative state of a calm mind, body and soul. Once you reached your energy equilibrium, it is time to go to work. You are going to relinquish as much anger, resentment, pain and sorrow as you can muster up into the atmosphere. These are the wormholes in the bottom of your etheric boat. Scream it out if you have to. Pound on the floor with your closed fists as many times as it takes. Wiggle your body if that helps release the pinned up emotional energy. Do whatever it takes to let go of this destructive energy. Note: please refrain from hurting yourself physically during this exercise. Always pick an environment you know you are emotionally and physically safe to do so. Repeat as often as you need until you feel completely empty.

Next, visualize your energy circle as completely enclosed without any gaps or energy chunks missing from the structure. Pick a color if that helps with the process. Like a well-designed personal energy coat-of-arms, impenetrable by one no ever again without your consent.

There may be a sense of loss after you complete this exercise. In reality, to some extent it does echo the same feelings one can have after a loss of a loved one. It is always hard to let go of someone out of your life. When you let go of the energetic pieces you shared together in the past it will feel uncomfortable for a while. Their energy will no longer be in your energetic circle, but the memories will remain. Just because the dysfunctional remnants have been cleared away does not de-value the good times from the past. Remember, the original goal of this exercise was to replace all the missing energy pieces and become energetically whole once again.

Break the Cycle and ask the Universe for Help

As you grow in the complete circle, you will become very comfortable with your own essence of energy. In fact, you will become quite attached to the feelings of being in the center of your love attention and enjoy your own respective place. Be very selective going forward with your exchange of energy. Understand each relationship should support a healthy and balanced energy exchange. Each sphere holds the energy of only one human being at a time, and that should always be YOU!

Relationships will come and go, but your Soul will always remain the same.

In love and respect, Jillian Maas Backman

Author, Beyond the Pews: Breaking With Tradition and Letting Go of Religious Lockdown (August, 2011)  www.jillianmaasbackman.com