tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post1196371386747681642..comments2024-03-19T02:43:07.969-04:00Comments on "Time's Up!": Enough of a Broken Custody Court System: What Would Work Better?Time's Uphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09908111385466002389noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-2984420836372868852013-06-26T22:36:49.317-04:002013-06-26T22:36:49.317-04:00Mr. Goldstein:
Regarding Specialized Domestic Vio...Mr. Goldstein:<br /><br />Regarding Specialized Domestic Violence Courts (suggestion #1).<br /><br />"Some judges and other court professionals believe it is not a domestic violence case until the allegations are proven. This is a mistake as the courts need domestic violence expertise to recognize whether or not the allegations are true. Specialized courts would have special training for the professionals and obtain expertise by responding constantly to these cases."<br /><br /><br />They already have these dockets, in fact, the courts themselves are creating special dockets inflicting more and more harm each year. I say that as a mature woman who qualifies as a "domestic violence expert" for how long I experienced it. In addition, I chose to also review the literature, that is AFTER seeking high and low for help and not finding it, in N. Calif area, where some of the largest presenters, and some of your fans, are. After losing my kids overnight in the context of a threatened (and carried out) kidnapping and seeing police, mediator and etc. response -- I went looking for explanations that made some SENSE about why this is happening. With respect, yours do not. They are not "mistaken: -- they simply don't care; there's a real arrogance and very little accountability<br /><br />The family court was designed as an off-ramp to actually handling domestic violence as the crime it is, and to bring on the psychologists and extra professions (http://johnnypumphandle.com/cc/visitatn.htm) which, combined with the federal grants available, enables fraud.<br /><br />Please view and why not respond to Justicewomen.org's statement on this:<br /><br />http://justicewomen.com/cj_dv_court_sham.html<br /> Our Domestic Violence Court, A Deceptive, Dangerous Sham<br /><br />"our domestic violence court is a sham, an elaborate dog-and-pony show designed to dupe the public and to preserve the dumping of victims, as much or worse than before."<br /><br />I am a layperson but by asking HOW can this be, put together what I could of the ongoing creation of more and more specialized "problem-solving" courts. Domestic violence is now a disease and a problem -- not a crime, BECAUSE these courts (including family, and conciliation) courts were created to start with! In the 1970s when no-fault divorce removed the normal causes for it (many of which WERE what we'd call DV - Calif had 7 causes), I believe the battered women's movement had to respond, to save life.<br /><br />As it became a stronger movement, the phrase was co-opted, centralized, organized, and became a grants stream. Apparently, so long as they do NOT address the anomaly of having something be a crime in real-time -- just not in these courts. <br /><br />We do actually know "what time of day it is" in these matters. If you would like to talk about it, in a rational manner (incorporating my understanding that as an attorney, you already know family court is a "hybrid" venue -- not torts, and not criminal, and it exists to order therapy, as much as possible) -- I have the blog, or could do it off-line. Of course, that would be inbetween posts, trips, and new versions of the same theory in Civic Research Institute books. <br /><br />I did attempt to contact you once through NOMAS, but was interrupted when an (18yr old) daughter escaped from her controllers and showed up at my doorstep, which of course took priority. <br /> Lets Get Honesthttp://familycourtmatters.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-9360706615659981682013-06-26T22:20:02.583-04:002013-06-26T22:20:02.583-04:00I have decided that 4,096 character comments field...I have decided that 4,096 character comments fields underneath lengthy posts are not the place to have the relevant discussions. I already know from reading the conference agenda of so many nonprofits, where some of the other discussions are taking place and why they are often scheduled out of earshot of parents about to be drastically affected by them.<br /><br />I wrote a short piece, "Supervised Visitation SVcks -- Federal Millions" which actually studied the nonprofit organization, Supervised Visitation Network. Its members are providers, and the providers themselves functioning to get court-connected businesses. It went from NY? to TN to Florida, like its mother-ship AFCC tends to do, as do its members. I'm talking about shape-shifting corporate status, almost mythological status. Now you see 'em, now you don't. They are in Florida, and just had a conference (with DV and FR membership speaking) in I believe Toronto. GO figure!!!<br />Lets Get Honesthttp://familycourtmatters.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-70277326100752985782011-09-30T16:12:57.512-04:002011-09-30T16:12:57.512-04:00It seems in some posts Anonymous is a father's...It seems in some posts Anonymous is a father's rights advocate, good for you. Children do not need both parents, they need loving adults who are willing to care for them and understand they are people also. There are many situations with one parent usually the mother and the children turn out better than when the 'father' is around. Yes there are also cases of bad mothers, but we must remember we are facing a serious problem for women and children who are being treated very badly because people refuse to see the truth and we do live in a man's world.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-57923042522280960262011-06-27T05:57:53.049-04:002011-06-27T05:57:53.049-04:00This is a WHOLE lotta text, between theory, anecdo...This is a WHOLE lotta text, between theory, anecdote and affectation. <br /><br />As a good deal of this blog is marketing for the book cover in blue, above -- I will be responding sometime soon to the 13 or so recommendations (most of which are ridiculous, but common practice) on the "We Can End Domestic Violence" post on my blog familycourtmatters.wordpress.com soon (i hope). <br /><br />However, if you get there before I put it up, you will definitely learn a few non-standard facts -- such as the names of some of the key players in the court system (both individuals and associations) and little details like how to tell a nonprofit front group from a genuine service-oriented organization.<br /><br />You will also learn, probably, how to distinguish what is meant by "we" when it is spoken by approximately 3 to 4 different categories of speakers If I went to another country and were the new kid on the block, I would not want to listen to interpreters year after year, but sooner or later actually learn the language of the foreign territory.<br /><br />http://familycourtmatters.wordpress.com/2011/06/15/evaluate-coordinate-prepare-to-call-alienator-pt-2-cfcc-and-afcc-people-nunn-depner-ricci-stahl-pruetts-and-others-dv-groups-fail-to-talk-about/<br /><br />There is a grammar, and it can be read -- but not by listening exclusively to the interpreters. One also has to observe and pick up on other clues, primarily, whose payroll are they on and (case in point) what are they marketing?<br /><br />I have CONSISTENTLY found the most honesty in the nonprofessional survivors who blog independently. This takes guts and a backbone, the alternative being, doing free PR for someone who has an income while parents in the court are usually losing one (or having it garnished one way or another). <br /><br />As we speak, the House Ways and Means Committee (US House of Reps) is again suggesting to fund H.R. 2193, a renewal of the "Julia Carson Responsible Fatherhood" grants system. Please object! (Dads too -- is anyone tracking what good the funding does?) <br /><br />"H.R.2193 - Julia Carson Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Families Act of 2011<br /><br />"To amend title IV of the Social Security Act to ensure funding for grants to promote responsible fatherhood and strengthen low-income families, and for other purposes."<br /><br />Here's a pop quiz: <br /><br />TEST QUESTION (from H.R. 2193). . . . like WHAT other purposes?<br /><br />QUESTION 1: Who wrote the following, and when?<br /><br />". . . there are ways for a flexible, responsive Government to help support men in their roles as fathers.<br /><br />Therefore, today I am asking the Federal agencies to assist me in this effort, I direct all executive departments and agencies to review every program, policy, and initiative (hereinafter referred to collectively as “programs”) that pertains to families to:<br /><br />~ensure, where appropriate, and consistent with program objectives, that they seek to engage and meaningfully include fathers;<br /><br />~proactively modify those programs that were designed to serve primarily mothers and children, where appropriate and consistent with program objectives, to explicitly include fathers and strengthen their involvement with their children;<br /><br />~include evidence of father involvement and participation, where appropriate, in measuring the success of the programs; and<br />incorporate fathers, where appropriate, in government initiated research regarding children and their families."<br /><br />Question 2: Has anyone since then reversed this policy?<br /><br />Question 3: Was the (prominent man) who wrote this known for being faithful to his wife as a good example to his own child/ren?<br /><br />Question 4: Do you think this policy has an effect on the family law system?Lets Get Honesthttp://familycourtmatters.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-15214779947400902782011-05-07T19:00:36.476-04:002011-05-07T19:00:36.476-04:00To get the court to give your kids back before the...To get the court to give your kids back before they're 18, don't count on ANYONE connected to the court system. When these kinds of orders are entered, the players in each facet of the system will come together to back the judge. You can even change judges with no relief. The new ones will act like you’re appealing the old order instead of asking for a modification based on evidence that would have been presented had they not taken custody ex parte. The new judges will say they can’t change another judge’s order. Even if you are "allowed" to present evidence, your testimony and that of your expert won't change anything since the courts can exclude or disregard it and any appeal of those actions can also be denied without explanation. (I know this because I was a Certified Appellate Specialist when I lost my kids. I spent three years filing numerous motions supported by evidentiary declarations, briefs and appelate writ petitions, all to no avail.) The only thing that might require the order to be changed would be a claim of new circumstances constituting continued abuse backed up by a new CPS finding. Even if you get CPS to investigate (before they flag your file as one with matters pending in Family Court) and the social worker tells you he believes there is abuse, you can't count on social workers to get their findings into evidence. You will always have to subpoena them and if they have any sense that they’re on the wrong side of the case (ie. going against what the judge wants to do), they will show up in court citing some statute that makes their reports confidential. If the judge quashes your subpoena, the worker leave with your report in hand. The judge can view the reports on a confidential database but if he claims an inability to do so, the report is not in evidence.<br />In order to get a CPS investigation and get the fruits of that investigation into evidence, you need to get the school on your kids' side. No matter what your physical custody status is, you still have legal custody. Go to every meeting and make friends with the teachers and counselors. As mandated reporters, they have to call CPS regarding emotional and physical abuse. In my case, a counselor did that and then wrote in one of her reports that a CPS worker told her my youngest son, after 5 years of no contact with me in his father's custody, had suffered extreme long term emotional abuse. Without that notation in her report, the conclusion of the CPS worker would have vanished. He certainly wasn't at court on the day of the final hearing when the order was vacated as to my youngest son. If you have the school on your side, you might be able to get the orders changed even if you have no communication with your kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-19754570388407752292011-05-07T15:39:39.684-04:002011-05-07T15:39:39.684-04:00Fortunately, all kids turn 18 and are no longer su...Fortunately, all kids turn 18 and are no longer subjected to the court's orders. Unfortunately, they will not come back to you with open arms or even know how to find you if you haven't maintained contact. If, like me, your orders require supervised visitation or no contact, you might rightly be afraid of getting arrested for staying in touch. (I was actually arrested once for violating my order.) But I can tell you this: I violated the court order as often as I could with respect to seeing two of the three boys I lost. They are now 18 and 19 and we have close relationships. I haven't talked to their 21 year old brother since November 2004 when we had a supervised visit in my home. His father turned him against me according to the other kids. I have tried to Facebook him but he blocks me. I miss him every day. So I would say to get your kids back in the long term, see them as often as you can and to hell with the court order.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-32725810511136457612011-04-20T01:01:09.663-04:002011-04-20T01:01:09.663-04:00I can't tell you how the title of this blog se...I can't tell you how the title of this blog sends a chill up my spine. Expecially, "Time's Up!" I am so tired but driven telling and re-telling what has happened to me and my daughters. I want all of us to think of what would work better . My only question is how do protective mothers who have lost custody get their children back? Had some of these options listed in this blog been implemented I would not have lost custody. Also, had individuals involved (i.e.; attorneys, law enforcment, etc. understood domestic violence (not just physical abuse), abusers that are suicidal alcoholics, with a history of pathological lying to the extent that the abuser convinced his wife, family, and friends for 7 months that they were getting death threats in the mail when his 17 year old step-daughter was in ICU following a car accident that resulted in a traumatic brain injury and claimed he had 2 detectives working on the case. The buser admitted that he made the story up because he was drinking at the time. The abuser filed for divorce claiming that the wife slapped him in his pleadings (never happened). Admitted and testified that he made the story up and was still awarded custody. The GAL's reply when the mother told her what he had done was, "That was in the past." IT WAS A LITTLE OVER A YEAR! Of course the abuser's attorney submitted the Final Pleadings and this testimony was not included. The mother could not object because she did not have $11,000.00 to pay her attorney for trial expenses.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-71254869280293611872011-04-07T09:39:58.890-04:002011-04-07T09:39:58.890-04:00To anonymous who has repeated a lot of popular mis...To anonymous who has repeated a lot of popular misinformation, I wish you could be open to accurate current research. One of the biggest problems in thes custody court system is that unqualified court professionals operate on the assumption that women's allegations are false despite research that only one or two percent of their allegations are deliberately accurate and they don't have the same skeptism about men's denials or allegations even though studies like the one by Nicholas Bala demonstrate fathers in contested custody cases are 16 times more likely to make false allegations. The research is not saying that women are so much more honest than men, but that the men seen in contested custody are the worst of the worst abusers who believe their partners have no right to leave and therefore are entitled to do anything to mainatin what they believe is their right to control including false allegations. A major Department of Justice study headed by Dr. Daniel Saunders is about to come out that supports what I am saying. They found that court professionals without adequate training in domestic violence are more likely to believe the myth that women frequently make false allegations and to make decisions that are harmful to children.<br />Children do better with both parents in their lives UNLESS ONE OF THE PARENTS IS AN ABUSER. Court professionals have heard the first part of this sentence constantly but have missed the full sentence. Similarly we have heard the reasonable idea that when parents come to court they should be treated the same, but in practice this is applied REGARDLESS OF PAST PARENTING and this does not benefit children. Children do not need both parents equally. They depend on their primary attachment figure more than the other parent regardless of whether that is the mother or father. The need the safe parent more than the abusive parent. Some early research based on very small populations covering a short period of time supported the idea of shared parenting in cases where both parents enthusiastically wanted to do this. Later studies that studied the effects on children over longer periods of time and with larger populations found shared parenting works poorly for children because it is so disruptive and having two homes is really having none. The proposal is more made to benefit a parent then the children. Even worse, courts do a horrible job of recognizing domestic violence because of outdated and flawed practices and so shared parenting is constantly being proposed in domestic violence cases and survivors are being pressured and threatened to share parenting with their abuser. This is a disaster for children. Perhaps if you could focus on what works best for children instead of what works best for abusive fathers it would be easier to understand the issues.<br /><br />Barry GoldsteinAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-17436464575646366112011-04-02T14:12:44.073-04:002011-04-02T14:12:44.073-04:00Barry, I am very intrigued by your "Early Hea...Barry, I am very intrigued by your "Early Hearing on Domestic Violence" idea. It's so common sense and cost-effective that I'm puzzling over why it's not already standard procedure.Heidi Hiatthttp://wildninja.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-39874357731521715712011-03-30T22:41:49.435-04:002011-03-30T22:41:49.435-04:00sorry about the typo's lolsorry about the typo's lolAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-75287990508630678932011-03-30T22:40:28.959-04:002011-03-30T22:40:28.959-04:00Wow. Ver, very interesting. I have alot to say to ...Wow. Ver, very interesting. I have alot to say to this but I am currently restrained from talking about my rapest that has custody of my children but has fefused me any contact in going on 2 years now so... I will just say: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHRING THIS WITH US "The Vitims"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6032288097291902285.post-32502912575903850642011-03-29T09:21:05.556-04:002011-03-29T09:21:05.556-04:00This is absolute non-sense!
Children will never b...This is absolute non-sense!<br /><br />Children will never be treated well under your advice and while there is a presumption that mothers are victims and fathers are abusers who make false allegations. Until you come to an understanding that children need BOTH parents, you are living in the dark ages Barry.<br /><br />Give your head a shake!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com