Caylee’s Law is not a great idea?

By Cynthia Caron

Caylee’s Law is not a great idea?

An article caught my attention this morning by a reporter, who wrote “Caylee’s Law not a great idea” by Sue Carlton , a columnist for the St. Petersburg Times.

A poster named Maril pointed out the case of Baby Grace, who was never reported missing by her mother (since convicted) also known as Riley Ann Sawyers and Zahra Baker.

Riyla Wilson was also not reported missing. Her foster parents killed her. What about Adam Herrman who was not reported missing for a decade? What about sweet Gerren Joseph Isgrigg, a special needs child left to die in the park and not reported by his grandmother as missing? (convicted) Or a similar case in which a beautiful healthy child, Camden Pierce Hughes left on a roadside in Maine and not reported missing by his mother? (arrested) He took the hearts of many across the country as the “unidentified deceased child” photograph was posted on the internet. His mother is alleged to have suffocated him and left him, who also did not report him missing. Had days and months gone by before his remains were located his mother, from Texas, could have literally gotten away with his death…possibly even clues could have been gone and she too could have claimed he was “abducted” and she was searching “on her own” for him…just as Casey Anthony told the courts. Caylee’s Law, if enacted, and if this scenario occurred.. would have been enough to imprison her until the case solved. As for Camden his case did not go on for years and was solved timely and his mother arrested. But for those who have not…yes, Caylee’s Law is one to support.

Many children are deceased and unidentified in morgues across the country, also more than likely murdered by a parent, or parents who did not report them missing. We have 3 unidentified deceased children in NH and a mother, unidentified deceased, (parent to at least two of the three children) that has yet to be solved. I can assure you whomever murdered them did not report them missing. Recently on Long Island, Gilgo Beach, a young child around 18 months...little girl...also unidentified deceased, was more than likely not reported missing by an abusive husband or boyfriend. Remains of her mother, also unidentified, were located the same. I suggested that Sue, the columnist, check out www.namus.gov and research the unidentified deceased children. How many of those were true abductions? I'm pretty confident the majority were killed and dumped by someone that knew them and as horrid as it may be...more than probably by a family member...perhaps who never reported them missing.

Parents who are unaware their child is missing and go beyond the 12 hours before reporting are not going to be held responsible for "hiding the fact their child is missing." Caylee’s Law is for those that do not report a missing child timely because they are guilty of having knowledge as to what happened to the child.

I say error on the side of caution. While Sue brings up valid points, such as this law will stop anyone from committing heinous crimes against children, but I do believe it will help imprison those who invariably do report their child missing days, or hours, after the fact. Perhaps the use of Caylee’s Law will help solve and bring home missing children to the families left behind who are grieving for them.

As we all know, there are so many young women who bring bad boyfriends into the household that I cannot begin to list all those cases in which the child was killed and they "the boyfriend and/or the mother and boyfriend" plot for a number of hours on how they are going to cover up the crime. This bill would fit them, as well. Both. Toss them both in jail under Caylee's Law and you can be assured one of them will break down and start talking.

Caylee's Law gives law enforcement and the legal community the right to convict on this charge while investigating and hoping to locate the missing child. Even though more than likely the child is sadly…deceased.


Read more about Sue Carlton’s article, and viewpoints, here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/09/26/2426507/caylees-law-not-a-great-idea.html#ixzz1Z9Ww8ipA

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When Safety is the First Priority

By Barry Goldstein

I believe most judges, if pressed would agree that safety should be the most important priority in custody decisions. This certainly should be the focus of domestic violence cases. Nevertheless when they seek assistance through evaluations, the investigation focuses on cooperation between the parents, emotions, psychological tests that rarely provide any information about safety, alienation and other issues that are far removed from safety. One of the reasons the evaluators concentrate on less important issues is that they don’t understand domestic violence dynamics, the research about batterer narratives, behaviors associated with increased risk of lethality or how to recognize domestic violence. But if these evaluators don’t have the knowledge or skills to assist courts in focusing on safety issues what is the point of having evaluations? Clearly custody courts will make better decisions when safety is the first priority and the experts they rely on know how to recognize dangerous abusers.

What Can We Learn from Batterer Narratives? 

Batterers tend to be very manipulative and this is especially true of the ones we see in contested custody cases. We regularly see inadequately trained court professionals treat complaints by protective mothers with tremendous skepticism based on the myth that women frequently make false allegations of abuse for litigation purposes. A recent Department of Justice study led by Dr. Daniel Saunders found that court professionals without the necessary training in domestic violence are more likely to believe this myth and in turn make recommendations that harm children. While valid complaints of abuse are routinely disbelieved, Judge Mike Brigner points out that men’s denial of abuse allegations which are often false are viewed without the skepticism faced by their victims. Some evaluators and other court professionals may have heard about batterer manipulations, but this knowledge is rarely applied to an individual case.

Dr. Molly Dragiewicz wrote an important book, EQUALITY WITH A VENGEANCE which provides substantial research to demonstrate how men and women are different because they are treated differently. The book contains an interesting chapter about the use of batterer narratives to recognize and understand their abuse. Significantly, we virtually never see an evaluator aware of this research in order to better understand abuser tactics and to avoid being manipulated. Much of the remainder of this section of the article is informed by this book.

“Though it makes sense to pay attention to what batterers say about why they use violence and what they get out of it in order to understand it better, batterers’ accounts of what happened should not necessarily be taken at face value. What batterers say about violence can help us understand why they use violence as well as how they justify and continue that violence in the face of nominal cultural disapproval. …The tactics of denial, minimization, justification and excuse are central to… batterer narratives….Batterer accounts of violence also support feminist and other research on the importance of patriarchy to violence.”

There is a fundamental contradiction between an early childhood lesson that “boys don’t hit girls.” and the many messages that encourage and justify men’s abuse of women. A better message would be that boys (and girls) should not hit anyone except in self-defense because the original message suggests that hitting is ok except in some exceptions. We often see abusers expand the exceptions so that he hit her because she is a (insert sexist slur) or some action she took or did not take can justify his abuse. This belief system is one of the reasons why verbal abuse should be treated seriously as his name calling later serves as a justification for physical assault and this risk makes his verbal abuse a more effective coercive tactic.

“Denial that the abuser perpetrated the violence is fairly straightforward. It may include denial that anything violent happened or more elaborate stories about how the victim came to hurt herself through no fault of the abuser. Batterers often deny that they are violent people or at least that they would ever hit a woman. In this way, batterers apparently seek to create the impression that nice guys like them simply could not have perpetrated violence. This form of denial feeds on stereotypes about batterers as instantly recognizable cruel monsters. Batterers often cultivate positive public images in order to conceal their violence and maintain their self-image as great guys. Batterers’ insistence that they are nice or not violent people is mirrored in public accounts of domestic homicide interviews with neighbors who invariably testify about what a nice guy the abuser was are a staple of news coverage.” Similarly we often find court professionals unable to believe such a nice guy could have done the awful things he is accused of.

Another part of denial is the frequent repetition of the myth that women frequently make false allegations of abuse. We often see attacks on the victim’s credibility as an attempt to distract attention from the facts presented and as a substitute for an objective investigation of the abuse allegations.

Knowledgeable experts can use internal contradictions in the abusers’ accounts to help understand what really happened. “…While one might expect batterers’ accounts to be internally consistent, they often are not. For example, even when batterers disavow violence they are often careful to emphasize their strength, size and capacity to use violence if they want to. These juxtapositions suggest that despite the men’s denial of certain forms of transgressive violence, their perceptions of normative masculinity call for the capacity to do violence.”

Batterers tend to minimize their abuse in terms of its severity, frequency and their responsibility for it. Interestingly, and counter intuitively, women also tend to minimize their partner’s abuse. The descriptions from both parties often confuse inadequately trained professionals and contribute to their misunderstanding of the seriousness of the father’s abuse.

One of the common ways abusers minimize their mistreatment of their partners is to compare what they did to what other more brutal batterers might commit or what they could have done if they wanted to. One of the unearned male privileges men are used to exercising is the power to define. Batterers often minimize their abuse by defining domestic violence or assault as something that requires a serious enough injury so that their assault would not qualify. They will also define what they did as justice rather than abuse.

“Because abusers rarely admit to the full extent of their violence or take responsibility for their violent actions, excuses and justifications are frequently part of their accounts (citations omitted). Hearn wrote, “Excuses and justifications involve the recognition of the violence but the denial of either responsibility (excuses) or blame (justifications). Whilst in some sense excuses and justifications are conceptual opposites, they are in practice sometimes closely interlinked.’ Hearn’s observation gets at the contradictions that are so often present in batterer accounts. Indeed batterers often say in effect, ‘I did something but it wasn’t my fault. And she deserved it anyway.’”

Many of the excuses deny responsibility by claiming it was caused by forces beyond his control. The excuses can also be based on alcohol or drug abuse. They may also blame abuse they suffered as children. Often the batterer will acknowledge some action he believes is acceptable while creating a disconnect between his actions and any harm he caused. Abusers frequently claim self-defense and claim to be the real victim. They may take something she said or her “misbehavior” as the cause of the incident and his violent response as self-defense or justified.

“David Adams argued that what batterers label self-defense is often violent retaliation for disobedience. Adams described how male abusers categorize even very violent acts including strangling, punching, and beating someone up as self-defense and therefore not violence. At the same time, abusers outline a very different standard for their partners’ behavior. Many abusers characterize their partner’s disagreeable speech as akin to a violent physical attack and justify physical beatings as self-defense against such perceived attacks. One study found that more than half of the batterers blamed their partner’s aggressive speech for their violence.”

“Equating very different kinds of aggression and violence is part of abusers’ ‘account-keeping’ mindset. Research on batterers suggests that they often keep a running tab of all the ways they feel their partners have disrespected, disobeyed or wronged them. Reasoning that they are simply settling accounts, abusers then use these transgressions as justifications for physical violence. For some batterers this kind of account keeping shades into looking for reasons to use violence. “I started looking for excuses; I’d do anything to get an excuse (to use violence).’ The pairing of excuses and justifications allows batterers simultaneously to deny their violent intentions and garner support or at least understanding of their violent actions.”

Batterers often use patriarchal explanations for their abuse. They expect their partners to conform to traditional women’s roles. Accordingly if she fails to fulfill her “sexual obligations” or doesn’t perform the household and child care duties the way he demands this would be used as a justification for abusing her. They usually would not directly say that women are inferior, but might call her names to justify his assault and suggest she asked for it. Abusers often have a low tolerance for their partner’s failure to submit. Batterers seek to take their abusive behavior out of context and to start the narrative at the point where they feel their partner did something wrong.

“The findings that batterers minimize their abusive behavior, blame the victim for their own use of violence and equate their partners’ failure to submit with violence all have serious implications for research” and I would add for custody court professionals. “Given what we know about how batterers talk about their violence, scholars and advocates are ill advised to take batterer reports at face value.” And yet this is exactly what we repeatedly see from court professionals with inadequate understanding of domestic violence and no knowledge of the research about what we can learn from batterer narratives. Before leaving this topic, I want to make sure to mention that there are exceptions and if a father does not use these tactics or explanations this does not prove he is not an abuser.

Professionals Without Understanding of Domestic Violence Dynamics are Unqualified 

Repeatedly we see cases in which court professionals conclude and judges decide that the alleged abuser committed one or two acts of domestic violence and then suddenly stopped for no apparent reason, there is no further risk because the parties separated or he hasn’t assaulted her since they separated and he has no access so there is no risk in giving him custody or unsupervised visitation. These are the kinds of mistakes unqualified professionals make when they do not understand domestic violence dynamics.

Men commit domestic violence against their intimate female partners because of a belief system that they are entitled to control their partners and make the major decisions in the relationship. The end of a relationship rarely changes their belief system. When their history is fully investigated, they usually have abused a series of partners. Evaluators rarely ask about past history of abuse even though that would be important information to determine the danger he presents.

Abusers are unlikely to change their beliefs unless they are held accountable and punished for their abusive behavior. Approaches that blame the victim for her partner’s abuse or suggest his abuse is mutual or that both parties contributed demonstrates a lack of understanding of domestic violence dynamics. The abuser deliberately took actions to frighten his partner because this coerces her to do what he wants. One of the worst mistakes of court professionals is when they blame or punish mothers for their fear or emotion caused by her partner’s abuse. Many court sponsored gender bias committees have cited this as a common example of gender bias, but the custody courts continue to make this dangerous error.

Most contested custody cases are domestic violence cases in which an abusive father who usually had limited involvement with the children during the relationship seeks custody as a tactic to pressure the mother to return or punish her for leaving. Untrained professionals usually fail to look at his motivation for seeking custody. They ignore evidence that the father uses visitation exchanges, phone calls to the children and other litigation opportunities to try to reunite with the mother or to harass her. He may use his time with the children to pump them for information about the mother or constantly ask to speak with her. This could help courts recognize the father’s motivation if only they understood the significance.

At the same time, even when they see evidence that he abused the mother, they rarely take effective steps to stop his abuse and protect the children. Domestic violence experts recommend that in domestic violence cases the best arrangement for the children is custody for the safe or safer parent and supervised visitation for the abusive parent. It is important that the abuser be held accountable for his abuse so requiring him to complete a batterer program or imposing other consequences should be part of the arrangement. I want to be clear that batterer programs do not by themselves change men’s behavior particularly long term. Only monitoring and accountability have been shown to accomplish this, but completion of the program can show the father is motivated to make the changes needed to become a safe father. In order to work towards unsupervised visitation, the father would have to convince the court that he will end his abusive behavior. The court can consider if the father acknowledges his abuse and does not try to minimize his responsibility or blame others. The father should express his understanding that his behavior harmed his children and make a commitment never to act abusively again. He must have stopped all coercive and intimidating behaviors. The court must make clear that if he commits further acts of abuse he will lose his visitation privileges. This is an approach that is based on the safety and well being of the children instead of the rights of the father. One of the present problems in the custody court system is in the rare cases when they order supervised visitation for abusive fathers they quickly want to move to unsupervised without any change in his belief system, but when they order supervised visitation for mothers who do not pose any safety risks, the courts appear happy to continue this burden on the children indefinitely.

A common mistake by court professionals occurs when the father has supervised visitation and the father’s ability to act appropriately while supervised is taken as proof he is safe for unsupervised visitation. This is based on the false assumption that abusers batter their partners because they cannot control their behavior. In fact abusers control their behavior and anger. This is why they do not assault people other than their partners because if they did they would face consequences and why they don’s assault their partners except in private so there are no witnesses. If they cannot control their behavior during supervised visitation they are unsafe for unsupervised visitation, but the ability to control their behavior is not surprising and should not be used by itself to assume the father no longer poses a danger.

Since men abuse women because of their belief systems and not anything the mother did, there is every reason to believe the father will continue to abuse future partners. This means that if he is given unsupervised visitation or custody, the children are likely to witness their father abusing future partners. This risk is often overlooked by inadequately trained professionals with little understanding of domestic violence dynamics.

Risk Assessment 

In custody cases involving allegations of domestic violence or child abuse the safety of the children should be the first priority. Accordingly it would make much more sense to order a risk assessment which would give courts the information it needs to make an intelligent decision instead of an evaluation that focuses on far less important issues. Few of the evaluators relied on by custody courts know the significance of the alleged abusive behaviors they are asked to investigate.

There are several common abusive practices that have been demonstrated to be associated with a higher risk of lethality or serious injury. It should be considered malpractice to make a custody decision without knowledge of these risks. One of the risks is strangling, choking or placing his hands around her neck. New York recently made this a crime because abusers sometimes do this without leaving physical injuries which was the previous requirement for prosecution, but this behavior is extremely dangerous. Other common issues that reflect an increased risk include hitting a woman while pregnant, rape or attempted rape, hurting pets or other animals, substance abuse, availability of guns, belief she has no right to leave, threats of suicide, homicide or kidnapping, violation of orders or laws and seeking custody as a tactic to maintain control.

For domestic violence advocates, risk assessment and safety planning are a fundamental part of their job. Their expertise could help courts make decisions that promote the safety of children. Nevertheless we repeatedly see judges refuse to listen to domestic violence experts because they believe they know enough, but no one in the courtroom has this vital expertise.

Recognizing Domestic Violence 

Custody courts have no chance to respond properly to domestic violence if they do not know how to recognize domestic violence. It often appears like some court professionals are attempting to rule out abuse allegations because they disbelieve complaints based on many common situations that in no way contradict the allegations. We often see evaluators and judges discredit allegations because the protective mother returned to her abuser, sought a protective order but did not follow-through, failed to have police or medical reports or the children did not show fear when a court professional observed them interacting with their father. The first four situations represent a normal response by battered women for safety and other good reasons. In the final example the children understand their father would not hurt them in front of a witness, particularly someone he is trying to impress. Of course if courts discredit allegations based on information that is not probative they inevitably will get a lot of decisions wrong.

At the same time they are discrediting allegations for the wrong reasons; many court professionals do not know what to look for in order to use the available evidence to determine the validity of domestic violence allegations. Some professionals look only for incidents of physical abuse and therefore miss a lot of important evidence. Genuine experts understand that they need to look for patterns of coercive, controlling and intimidating behavior. They will look at psychological, emotional and financial abuse. They will look for isolating behaviors. The experts will consider if the alleged abuser is monitoring her such as checking her phone or the odometer on her car. They will look at his motivation for seeking custody if he had little involvement with the children during the relationship. They want to know if he is seeking custody as a tactic to pressure her to return or punish her for leaving. The experts will consider if he is engaged in litigation abuse. Very often judges who complain about a he-said-she-said case would have a lot of evidence to help them get it right if only they understood the significance of the evidence available.

Conclusion 

I believe the approaches that should be used in domestic violence custody cases are both logical and unassailable. The first priority and most important factor in deciding custody must be the safety of the children. No one can make an intelligent or informed decision about safety without knowing the factors that make an abuser most dangerous, how to use abuser narratives to recognize how abusers will describe their abuse, how to recognize domestic violence and an understanding of the dynamics of domestic violence. As Dr. Dragiewicz points out, professionals must learn not to take each incident or issue separately but rather look for patterns and always consider the issues in context of the whole relationship. If we ask court professionals if they understand or have sufficient expertise in domestic violence, they are likely to claim that they do and many believe it sincerely, but if we instead ask them about the specific knowledge and skills necessary to respond to domestic violence custody cases they cannot honestly claim to have this information. If they did, the courts would not repeatedly be sending children to live with dangerous abusers.

Barry Goldstein is a nationally recognized domestic violence expert, speaker, writer and consultant. He is the co-editor with Mo Therese Hannah of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY. Barry can be reached by email at their web site www.Domesticviolenceabuseandchildcustody.com

Vibrational Clean Living

photo by Striker W@SP via Flickr

By Jillian Maas Backman

I deliberately keep a close watch on the latest news making headlines. It is my responsibility to stay current with relevant social issues. Once again, this week we find ourselves grappling with the disheartening truth of loosing another sweet child to the harsh reality of school-house bullying. Fourteen-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer committed suicide because of alleged years of childhood harassment. He simply could not handle the pressure anymore and let go of life instead. This spiritual lesson will continue to repeat itself until we decide to make this a priority for change.

Lady Gaga and many others are calling upon our President to start a process to create an Anti-Bullying Law against those who perpetrate such heinous acts towards others. This is a good start, but the issue is more intricate than that. It is not enough to tell someone to stop saying bad things to other people. You must go after the root supplying the food to the infested weed. Attack the source that carries the vibrational energy hidden within the dysfunctional soil of intolerance and hatred. We need a vibrational shake-up and re-set our spiritual balance.

The word “vibration” is usually associated with a scientific method of describing sound waves frequencies. These kind of physical calculations are extremely important in measuring all kinds of vibrations and keeping a watchful eye out for anything that may threaten the balance of our planet. Physical anomalies such as earthquakes and other natural disasters upset the natural vibrational rhythms and cause permanent vibrational gaps. When this happens, we usually make physical adjustments to accommodate the shifts and settle into a new configuration of balance.

We know that earthquakes do not happen instantaneously. They are a gradual build-up of pressure plates moving within the inner core of earth. Eventually reaching the surface where it explodes with vengeance. Taking out whatever is in its natural wake with complete disregard.

The human body works much like the earth vibrational system. It too, operates on a natural internal frequency, which strives to stay in a state of balanced harmony. Whether we know it or not, our unconscious mind is registering vibrational motion all day long. This constant kind of stimuli has a lasting effect on the delicate balance between desirable and undesirable vibration in the human body. If you have to live with the constant bombardment of negative stimulus, eventually your vibration will only register the negative. At some point this will become your normal state of existence. This is where the bully mentality starts taking over.

It represents the “pressure stage “of a vibrational eruption.

Think of someone around you that gets angry. The first sign of vibrational pressure building up inside is the physical act of pacing back and forth. Their facial expression begins to contort. Straining to hold back the dysfunctional energy from busting through. Our body structure is designed to get rid of this sick emotional vomit any way it can. The mind begins to heat up with aggressive thoughts laden with bouts of hatred energy. It is an unstoppable energy train waiting to explode at any second. You cannot reason with a mind filled with vibrational hatred. Talking it out with someone like this will temporary put a stop to the underlying relentless negative attitude. Except the pathetic mind chatter will override any positive antidotes you attempt to throw at it and fight its way back to unhealthy normal.

The re-occurring bullying episodes should serve as a societal signal that we have reached the plateau of the “pressure stage” before the explosion.

The task of stopping this kind of hate crimes seems insurmountable but I offer this simple exercise to demonstrate how easy it is to get closure to this spiritual lesson before us.

Vibration is a very subjective awareness and somewhat of a feat to teach others on how it reacts inside the body structure. So, allow me abit of creative freedom here from the literal scientific definition. Stretch your scientific imagination and assume the next exercise will demonstrate how quickly friction/ie, vibration can change with your actions.

Put your hands out in front of you, palms together. Now rub them together as fast as you can. You should begin to feel the friction build between them and a sense of heat arise the faster you go. In a very loose interruption of physics, this is how quickly vibration can rise from an external action. Notice how soon after you started rubbing your hands together the balance was thrown off and heat came to the surface. It takes that little of effort to offset human vibrational equilibrium. That is somewhat un-nerving when you think about all the external stimuli we have coming at us every day. The more you live in a malfunctioning body system the more the vibration adapts the heat, the friction, the anger.

Now, stop and pull them apart. Can you feel the sense of coolness replacing the sensation of heat on your palms? Notice how quickly the energy stabilized back to normal without any effort on your part other than stopping the action of rubbing. This demonstrates how simple it truly is to re-set a person’s vibration if you take the time to identify your vibrational tools that get you back to balance.

Where do we start to rebuild our vibrational changes.

Hierarchy of Vibration:

For the sake of argument, let us assume everything carries some kind of vibrational value starting from very low to very high. I mean everything! Every person, place or thing carries some kind of vibrational energy tone. Collectively, these items have determined your vibrational stability.

If you are surrounding yourself with lower vibrational activities and people your balance point will stay low.

If you are surrounding yourself with higher vibrational activities and people your balance point will stay high.

Now, look at your significant people around you. How does that compare with your vibrational status? If you find yourself doing activities and mingling with people less than what your perceived vibrational value is you will be pulled down to that level. It is as if two magnets that dysfunctional attract.

We do not have the power to stop people from engaging in the lower vibrational act of bullying. These thoughts and actions are way down on the vibrational scale of relevance. Like the old adage says: Do not stoop to their level. In this case, don’t stoop to their vibrational level either. That is the worst thing anyone can do. Each one of use do however possess the power to go the opposite direction…………………….way way way up.

If each one of us dedicate ourselves to doing this and teaching our loved ones to do the same, we can change the vibration and energy around all involved.

We must minimize undesirable vibrations thoughts, feelings and actions and increase desirable vibrations.

The more we all take up the challenge of “Vibrational Clean Living,” the easier this kind of work will become. This always start with our vocabulary. The way we speak to one another. How we use words to build people up rather than tearing down is the first step.

Our vocabulary is constantly being word-smithed to keep up with changing times we live in. I believe this should continue to be our first plan of action in raising community conscious vibrational energy. Words have always been and will always be our most gracious, free and simple way to choke out the life force vibration associated with words laden with venom and intent to inflict harm towards others.

I will give you an example. In my book I write about the word “tolerance.” Years ago I suppose this word represented how the majority of people felt towards those who were different from themselves. This word is now archaic and obsolete. For those of us who strive for greater spiritual health feel the word tolerance implies there is something wrong with those who do not live as we do. We, as gracious spiritualist will overlook your impurities and still find it in our hearts to tolerate your ideology. Those days are long gone, thank goodness.

I was addressing a large college student body about this very issue. I began to recite my written words to the crowd before me. The silence that overtook those students in the auditorium was almost too much for me to handle. You could hear a pin drop and all attentions were directed towards the stage. The all-inclusive vibration was an intense and serious buzzing undertone. No one moving and waiting in anticipation for the next word that would bring the whole lesson full circle. Then I read the rest of the story and concluded with the word “Acceptance.” The students broke out into a sigh of relief and collective said yes to the challenge. They are ready to break the chain of vibrational assaults on those different from themselves, are you? Ready to replace the old worn out lower vibrational word of tolerance with a spiritually higher vibrational word of Acceptance for all.

Sending vibrational change your way,

Jillian Maas Backman, Author, Beyond The Pews, Breaking with Tradition and Letting Go of Religious Lockdown

The Need To Change Our Approach

By Lyn Twyman

 

When those who have committed to serve and to protect abuse their power, it leaves many of us angered and disillusioned.  Last week, Officer Manuel Ramos of the Fullerton Police Department was charged with murdering 37-year-old Kelly Thomas in early July, a schizophrenic homeless man.  Thomas Watkins of the Associated Press wrote, "Prosecutors say Ramos started the beating then five other officers who had not seen the start of the confrontation joined in. In the 10-minute incident, Thomas was shocked four times with a Taser, kneed in the head, punched in the ribs and bashed eight times around the face with the butt of a stun gun as he cried out for his father and begged for help as Ramos laid on top of him….”. 

 

As someone who was mentally impaired, Thomas wasn't your typical criminal.  And prosecutors say Ramos already knew Thomas from routine stop-and-searches in times past, so dealing with Thomas should have been far from a surprise for Ramos, certainly not ending in a savage, deadly beating.

 

In the same state of California as the Fullerton incident, the Kern County Sheriff’s Department recently deployed a 40-hour Crisis Intervention Team Training.  It is “five times the mental health education officers receive in the academy” and “ is giving local law enforcement more understanding of the mentally ill, ” Kellie Schmitt writes in her article Officers’ Mental Health Training Saving Lives, Costs.  Schmitt’s work further reads, “The effort is especially relevant as departments throughout California grapple with officer shootings involving the mentally ill. Up to 10 percent of the Kern County Sheriff's Department's calls involve someone who is mentally ill…”.

 

Schmitt goes on to interview Sheriff's Deputy Marcus Moncur,

 

In basic academy, we're taught that people with mental illness are just as dangerous as a gangster carrying a gun," Moncur said. "Taking the class put it in perspective for me that people who suffer from mental illness are just like you and me.

 

The Kern County Sheriff's Department saw a pressing need to better serve the mentally ill citizens of their community so they employed this life saving training. This in turn has helped officers like Moncur to become more equipped and to put their jobs in even better perspective, eventually reducing the amount of mentally ill casualties.

 

We can learn what to do from Kern County when it comes to serving victims of domestic violence.  We can learn what not to do from the Fullerton PD.  The Kern County Sheriff's Department employed a better method, something that had never been done before in their department in order to help some of the most vulnerable in their community.  The Sheriff's Department changed their approach and came up with a newer solution for dealing with the mentally ill.  Fullerton on the other hand clearly lacked a program and had some bad, brutish officers with serious issues roaming the streets alongside our children.  Perhaps these officers got burned out or maybe they just didn’t care while possessing all the power to save or in this case take a life and essentially murder Kelly Thomas.

 

Thus, the domestic violence community has to employ better methods as well just like Kern County, not just for police officers but also for service providers that place themselves as the go-to’s for victims.  The lack of proper responsiveness has beaten down and killed thousands of victims in an effort to maintain status quo, instead of invoking a true revolutionary domestic violence movement.

 

There are only a handful of organizations in this country and a multitude of activists that realize the pressing need to employ better programs and services.  With thousands of victims being turned away by organizations, and with broken judicial systems across the country, the time is long overdue to embrace methods that empower victims and their families.  The police cannot provide victims with personal security, the judges cannot be educated quick enough, and the service providers cannot meet the ever-growing demand of victims who courageously decide to leave and become self-sufficient.

 

The days of running to shelters is not the practical answer anymore as reports from across our country have made it clear that domestic violence programs just cannot keep up with the amount of victims, let alone return phone calls or emails. The public needs the safety tools placed right in their hands so they can fight back effectively, true resources designed to inform, guide, and direct victims personally and legally. 

 

We are all aware that domestic violence goes on but the looming question has been for quite sometime now ‘What do we do it?’.  Even people far removed from this issue ask this question, but we don’t say the same thing about breast cancer or better yet animal abuse.  Furthermore, the U.N. has called the U.S.’s actions on domestic violence into question.  I believe this is happening because we still have a good ways to go to serve victims.  No, we have not arrived.

 

No hot line nor coalition can do what the victim can do for herself or himself and that's why we must change our approach to domestic violence in this country. The victims need more comprehensive knowledge and better tools.  Law enforcement and judges need more training than ever before as we transition into a less misogynistic society although both fields still remain male dominated.  In particular, men in these positions have to be better educated about a problem that is considered a woman’s issue.  And clearly it’s not as more male victims come forward seeking help and justice as victims.

 

There are some of us that choose to do something about the ever-growing need to really empower this country against domestic violence.  Now it's the turn of every organization across the country to do the same by coming together and end the territorial debate and fear over funding and power struggles; it’s time to end the politics. Just like in law enforcement, change has to come from the ones that say they are here to protect and serve domestic violence victims, unless we find our selves neglecting and assaulting because of our callousness the very ones we say we’re here to help.

Lyn Twyman is the Founder of Courage Network and the Deputy Director of the National Domestic Violence Registry.

Where is Our Mommy? Mother Vanishes: Melissa McVay Darling

By Diana May-Waldman

 Sulfur Springs Texas- Melissa McVay Darling went missing on June 9,2001 and some people don’t think she is worth finding. Some think she is a societal throw away and that bothers me.

While the Internet has become am extremely valuable tool to aid in the awareness of the missing, it has become a double edged sword when people can post anonymous comments and opinions about the missing.

Some of the comments suggest that the missing mother of two children isn’t worth looking for, because she had an alleged drug problem. That muddies the water and veers people away from what is important. Melissa McVay Darling is missing and is nowhere to be found.

Who decides who is worth looking for and who isn’t? Doesn’t every missing person deserve to be found? And isn’t every missing person somebodies loved one? What gives anyone the right to place value on another person?

I have taught my own children not to judge others, because we never really know what another carries in their heart.

Whether Melissa had a drug problem or not, it is not for me to say–but I will say that regardless of her lifestyle choices, she is one of our sisters and deserves to be found. To those making the negative comments, shut the hell up and put your energy into something positive. Shame on you for taking a bad situation and making it worse. Shame on your for hindering an investigation of a missing woman that can’t be found or speak for herself right now.

Here is a comment from the Topix forum: “What is annoying is that the family knows shes a worthless crack head and they are dragging the public into this “search”. Don’t waste our time…it’s obvious how few people showed up to the stupid prayer vigil last week because everyone else knows shes a loser out partying.”

Her family has reported her missing. And what if she is NOT out partying? What if she is lying dead somewhere, after being beaten and raped? I would hope that is not the case, but what if? That same kind of comment is right up there with saying that because a woman dressed a certain way she was asking to be assaulted.

SHUT YOUR IGNORANT BACK STABBING ASS UP. It is this EXACT mentality that keeps people in narrow columns of worthy and unworthy. It is this exact kind of comment that keeps women down, instead of picking them up.

So with that said, let’s get down to business and stick to the FACTS and find this mother.

Melissa McVay Darling is missing and her family and friends want answers. She was last seen in her hometown, of Sulphur Springs, Texas, when she dropped her daughters off at her father’s house on June 9, 2011.

Police have stated that they have video tape from the Choctaw Casino early the next morning of Melissa. The tape reveals that she was accompanied with a man by the name of Jeremy Blake Upchurch. He is now listed as a person of interest.

Melissa’s truck was found near Hugo Lake in Oklahoma. It was locked and had two flat tires.

Name: Melissa Ann Darling
AKA: Melissa Ann Mcvay
Case Number: M1106008
Case Type: Other
Last Seen in: Grant, OK (Choctaw County)
Last Seen on: 6/10/2011
Height: 5′ 8 ” Weight: 190 lbs.
Date of Birth: 6/16/1977 Age Missing: 34
Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Blonde
Race: White Sex: Female
State Missing From: Texas
Country Missing From: USA

Last seen wearing watch on left wrist. Has a tattoo of a dolphin on her back and a scar on her abdomen. Hangs out at the Choctaw Casino/Resort in Oklahoma.

Anyone with information about Melissa McVay Darling or where she might be is urged to contact Sulphur Springs Police Department, 903-885-7602, or the nearest law enforcement agency.

WEBSITE: http://bringmelissahome.com/
Texas Missing Persons Clearinghouse Online Bulletin
http://www.txdps.state.tx.us/
Case #M1106008

Diana May-Waldman- Bureau Editor for Worldwide Hippies in Rochester NY. Diana is the author of A Woman’s Song. Her poetry in this book deals with the struggles facing all women and the many facets of being a woman in the world today. She is a strong women’s and children’s advocate. A true example of the Hippie movements continuing growth and sprit. Diana’s activism is an inspiration to many.http://www.facebook.com/profile

Who's Counting? 1,2,3... 34?

(Picture from OABI)

By Karen Rae Elkins

Putting a number on the number of offenses you will endure from an intimate partner before you attempt to report the abuse, takes my breath away. I was talking to an Ontario Provincial Police Officer, a woman who worked the domestic violence unit. She said studies show a woman does not report the abuse until the 34th offense. Thirty Fourth, 34 x's, Mid-thirties, any way you write it or say it, 34 is 34 times too many. That's like finishing 34th in a tournament of 34 boats.

So what happens between the first violent act and the 34th? A whole bunch of excuses, accusations, and threats that stack up until they cast a shadow over the light of day. Your memory becomes dull so that the pain you feel is replaced with a distant numbness. Your ability to communicate you feelings seems to be under constant attack. You carry the fear of failure because you are, according to the abuser, "A disappointment", "A failure at everything that brings you joy or happiness".

For me, I just got bold and said, no more. It was 2005 when my boat left the Mad Winds of just taking it. The time had come to lay low on a lake somewhere and work through the creeks of right and wrong. I never returned, never considered going back. My disbelief had mushroomed into lying: lying to myself, and lying and others. The proof that he was abusive was there the first time. Each event might have been a different strategy of abuse or a reflection of the older stuff. Like the weather, it changed, like a stretch of domino's my spirit fell, and fell, and fell, until it lay motionless on the floor.

The last time would be just that, the last time. I promised myself I would leave, I didn't like the way I was living. I waited for a change that I would never see. I didn't know at the time that abuse never changes. There will always be a next time, and a time after that time, and a whole bunch of regretted past times.
Who's counting? Are you dwelling in abuse? Have you figured out where you are on this scale? Are you willing to acknowledge the survivor in you? Women just like you and me have survived through the ages. With all honesty, ask yourself, "Will I survive until the 34 th offense? What about the one's who never see the 34th chance to report a crime was committed? Be a part of their voice, share in building a life without violence in their memory.

If this is your time to say no more, seek the advise of professionals in the field. Leaving an abusive relationship is dangerous. The chances of retaliation come swiftly after you leave. Be smart and survive because you want to... Because you can.

Fish steady in all you do. Love from Lake St. Fransis, in the peaceful fishing town of Salaberry de Valleyfield, Quebec, Canada.

One last thought before I fish:

Today is my birthday! My birthday wish for you is that the river of protection flow over you while the call to leave stirs in your soul. Tomorrow, I compete in one of the largest tournaments in Canada, the Berkley B-1. Anglers from 4 provinces and the U. S. compete for the opportunity to B the 1, be the winner. I am fishing with Pro Kasey Fedoriw, my future husband and best friend. If you are reading this note from me, it's not to late to Be The One who wins by leaving your abusive partner. I'm not shooting for 34 th place, anymore. When I left my situation a desire to finish first was born.

Karen Rae Elkins is a survivor of intimate partner violence as well as a professional women's angler.  She has always been an inspiration to others, assisting and advising through her advocacy and example.

The Forgiveness Question

By Neil Schori

Matthew 18: 21-22~

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Forgiveness is simple…at least until someone offends you. It has been said that when one person forgives another, he unlocks a prison door and lets himself out. I believe that because there have been times in my life that I’ve held grudges against another person and I’ve discovered that while I was busy fostering misery and bitterness and resentment, the objects of my wrath continued living life as if my feelings had no bearing on their lives. I would bet that you’ve experienced that in your lives, too.

But forgiveness has become convoluted. Abuse victims are often further victimized by being told that they are “unforgiving” because they don’t welcome back their abusers. The truth is that forgiveness has very little to do with welcoming back anything into our lives. It is simply a step that God expects us to take.

The best leaders lead by example and don’t expect someone under their authority to do something that they would not do. Jesus told us to be forgiving, because he is forgiving of all of our wrongs. And we show what we think of his grace by the grace that we offer others.

But there is another step in maintaining good relationships that has nothing to do with forgiveness, and that is reconciliation. Reconciliation cannot happen without forgiveness, but forgiveness can happen without reconciliation. So how does true reconciliation take place when great wrongs have been done in the context of our intimate relationships? That can only happen when the offender demonstrates true regret and a changed life. And that can only be proven over a significant period of time.

In the Gospel of Matthew 3: 8-10, Jesus had some harsh words for the religious leaders of his day~

Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not think you can say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.

What does that mean for us? It means that when someone hurts us and asks for another chance to be in our lives, that their sincerity (or lack thereof) will be demonstrated by how much their actions change toward us. The evidence (fruit) of repentance is changed behavior.

Abuse victims need to forgive their perpetrators. Abuse victims also need to be very slow and cautious and wise when considering reconciliation. Can it happen? Yes. But this is not to be hastily determined because your lives hang in the balance.

If you need help sorting through your particular circumstances, you can reach out to me. I’d be honored to help you.

Peace,

Neil Schori

neil@napervillechristian.org

Neil Schori is the Lead Pastor of Naperville Christian Church and takes an active role within the church to assist victims of intimate partner violence.  To learn more about Neil, please visit his website and blog:  http://neilschori.com

Back to School Supplies-Did You Forget Something?

By Susie Kroll 

We are now head-long into the new school year.  I’m sure every parent has done there level best to provide school clothes, supplies, laptops, and all the other necessary accessories for their student to succeed.  But have they thought about the other crucial supply their student needs to be safe?  Have they taught their child about Dating Violence?

We send our children, tweens, and teens out into the world of school to gain the necessary knowledge to succeed and be productive citizens of society.  One of the most overlooked and under-utilized piece of knowledge is knowing how to recognize and prevent Dating Violence from happening to them.  Dating Violence is not unlike Domestic Violence in that it can strike anyone, any gender, any race, any orientation, and any socio-economic group at any time.  What’s that mean? Even your child could become a victim.  I am not saying this to be cruel.  I am however, saying it because sometimes fear is the only way to motivate someone into action.  If you love your child, you will learn about Dating Violence and how to prevent it.  If you fear for your child you will learn how to recognize the signs of Dating Violence before it escalates to death.  Make no mistake, I want you to be alarmed at what you are about to read.

-69% of all teens who had sex by age 14 said they have gone through one or more types of abuse in a relationship.

-40% of the youngest tweens, those between the ages of 11 and 12, report that their friends are victims of verbal abuse in relationships, and nearly one-in-ten (9%) say their friends have had sex.

-Nearly three-in-four tweens (72%) say boyfriend/girlfriend relationships usually begin at age 14 or younger.

-Only half of all tweens (51%) claim to know the warning signs of a bad/hurtful relationship.

All of these statistics were provided by a 2008 study conducted by Liz Claiborne and www.loveisrespect.org.

Now, I’m sure you are wondering why this happens.  Here are some of the findings that www.ACADV.com has found.

Teen dating violence often goes unnoticed because teenagers typically:

• are inexperienced with dating relationships.
• are pressured by peers to act violently.
• want independence from parents.
• have "romantic" views of love.

Teen dating violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others.

Young men may believe:

• they have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary.
• "masculinity" is physical aggressiveness.
• they should "possess" their partner.
• they should demand intimacy.
• they may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.

Young women may believe:

• they are responsible for solving problems in their relationships
• their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic."
• abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused.
• there is no one to ask for help or to show them anything different.

Tweens and teens are inexperienced in dating and relationships and have a romanticized view of love and relationships.  This plays a huge role in why teens don’t recognize what is happening to them until the damage has already been done.  They have never been taught to choose what they want out of a relationship.  Moreover, they don’t think they have a right to choose what they want out of a relationship.

 

So where are your tweens and teens getting their relationship models from?  Do you want them to emulate your relationships? Those they see on TV?  Those of their peers at school? Those they see in the media or in celebrity circles?  Are you cringing yet?  Unless we provide our tweens and teens with the knowledge and power to recognize Dating Violence and to set their own relationship standards we have to assume that they are using less that positive examples. 

It is an incredibly powerful thing to tell a tween or teen that they have the right to say what they want out a relationship.  Tweens and teens have the right to say they want to be treated nicely, with respect, and love.  They have the right to privacy and to have time away from their partners.  They can say that they never want to be hit, yelled at, or emotionally abused.  Every parent should try it.  Tell your children they have rights.  Tell them they are worth it.  Tell them to choose their own boundaries about sex, partying, and dating.  Encourage them to make good choices and guide them toward those good choices.  

I thought it only fair to give a brief overview into what Dating Violence may look like and what some of the signs of Dating Violence were.

Here are some of the early warning signs that a Dating Relationship could become violent and dangerous.  If your tween or teen’s partner exhibits any of the following behaviors, it might be Dating Violence: 

Extreme jealousy Controlling behavior Quick romantic involvement Unpredictable mood swings Alcohol and drug use that magnify Dating Violence Explosive anger for seemingly little issues Isolates you from friends and family Uses force during an argument Tells you what to wear, how to act, what to do

Shows hypersensitivity Believes in rigid gender roles Blames others for their problems or feelings Cruelty to animals or children Verbally abusive Abused former partners Threatens violence Goes through your cell phone to see who you text, call, or view your pictures Checks up on you via Facebook, Twitter, etc

Here are some of the common indicators that your teen may be experiencing Dating Violence:

Physical signs of injury Truancy, dropping out of school Failing grades Inability to make healthy choices Changes in mood or personality Loss of interest in hobbies or friends Commonly making excuses for their  partner’s behavior

Use of drugs/alcohol Emotional outbursts Isolation from loved ones Weight gain or loss Moody and anxious Engaging in risky behaviors

Please learn more about Dating Violence and how to prevent it.  If you have more questions, then great, this article has done its job.  Give your tween or teen all the supplies they need to be successful at school, in life, and in all their current and future relationships.

Susie Kroll specializes in Teen Dating Violence and Healthy Relationships.  For more information about Susie and how you can bring her to your school or event, please visit www.susiekroll.com or schedule with ImaginePublicity  contact@imaginepublicity.com

Remembering the Missing

By Charles Moncrief

On Friday, September 16, I was invited to give the Invocation at an event honoring our nation’s Prisoners of War and Missing in Action (POW/MIA).

What might ordinarily go unnoticed, until the Master of Ceremonies called our attention to it, was the Honor Table. The moderator explained the symbolism.

The table is round -- to show our everlasting concern for our missing.

Set for six, the empty places represent Americans still missing from each of the five services -- Army, Navy, Marine Corps, Air Force, Coast Guard –– and civilians. This Honors Ceremony symbolizes that they are with us, here in spirit.

The tablecloth is white -- symbolizing the purity of their motives when answering the call to duty.

The single red rose, displayed in a vase, reminds us of the life of each of the missing, and the loved ones and friends of these Americans who keep the faith, awaiting answers.

The vase is tied with a red ribbon, symbol of our continued determination to account for our missing.

A slice of lemon on the bread plate is to remind us of the bitter fate of those captured and missing in a foreign land.

A pinch of salt symbolizes the tears endured by those missing and their families who seek answers.

The Bible represents the strength gained through faith to sustain those lost from our country, founded as one nation under God.

The glasses are inverted -- to symbolize their inability to share this day's toast.

The chairs are empty -- they are missing.



While I was moved deeply by this ceremony and the Moderator’s description of the Table of Honor, I was inescapably drawn to a brutal reality of others who are missing. It’s gratifying to know that so many groups are concerned with the missing. On this blog site, and on the Blog Talk Radio shows, these are just a few of the names we’ve read about:

Phylicia Barnes

Krishonda Townsend

Crystal Gayle Soles

Randy Wayne Leach

These and countless others have been taken from us.

We’ve read about the many -- too many -- who have been kidnapped and sold by human traffickers into some form of slavery. Their chairs, too, are empty. The bitter lemon peel and the salt of tears apply to them as well. These may not be missing in combat, but they too went through their own war zones. And the ones still alive have every justification when they wonder if they’ve been forgotten.

They have not been forgotten. Their captors may not be some nations’ military organizations. Their captors may not be some paramilitary group. Their captors may not be some crime syndicate. But when it gets down to the facts, the resulting circumstances are quite the same. An aggressor has inflicted misery, not only on the ones taken, but also on the families of the ones they took.

While we wonder if everyone is standing idly by, this is just not the case. I'm heartened when I read of a retired friend who sits in mall parking lots watching suspicious people from his car. He intervenes, mostly by becoming visible to these suspects who seem to be in the early stages of an assault on a woman coming out to her car. Joy comes to him on those occasions when the worthless scum break off their attack and drive away. What he does can be dangerous, but the rewards of a person’s safe passage through an infested parking lot can make the risks worthwhile.

Other organizations exist for the sole purpose of locating and bringing home the missing. One that comes to mind is the Cue Center for Missing Persons. And many organizations are committed, in whole or in part, to the safe return of the missing.

So please do take heart. If a loved one, or someone you may only know casually, turns up missing, there are those who care.

Grace and Peace,

Charles+

Anglican Priest, Charles Moncrief, serves up the issues of the day on a platter mixed with scripture, seriousness, and a sense of humor to create a ministry founded in love for his fellow man.

“I’m an Anglican Priest, disguised as a geek during the week. It’s REALLY tough to change my costume, since phone booths are getting hard to find!”

Equal Opportunity in Adoption: Necessary, Proper and Desperately Needed

By Roger Canaff

“No person eligible to adopt under this statute may adopt if that person is homosexual.”

So states, in oddly plain and blunt legislative language, the law of the State of Florida. Last month, a Miami-Dade judge declared the law “unconstitutional on its face” and unrelated to the best interests of the child. She appointed custody of an infant (removed from home almost immediately) to a family member who is a lesbian in a committed relationship. Florida’s Department of Child and Family Services filed its appeal last week. The state’s argument and the spirit of the 1977 law boil down to the idea that adoptive parenting by homosexuals is so obviously harmful to children that prohibiting it is “rationally related” to a legitimate state aim. The idea is that heterosexuals are, by definition, better parents. This claim, wherever it asserts itself, is more than baseless and bigoted toward homosexuals. It is tragically shortsighted and remarkably cruel to the roughly100,000 American children (about 7% of them in Florida) waiting to be adopted out of the foster care system.

Several gay friends of mine refer to straight people as “breeders.” And indeed, breed we do. Heterosexuals, generally by definition, produce millions of children each year. And a disturbing percentage of us rip our own children apart like dogs with a chew toy. In two very different cities where I served as an ADA, I encountered fathers who sexually abused their children over years, beginning before the children were in first grade. I saw mothers who literally starved their children to death, or pimped them out for drugs, rent or just extra cash. I saw toddlers pressed against heating grates by one or both parents as if in a waffle iron. I saw fathers who shook infants to blindness and epilepsy, their ribs snapping like dry twigs in the process. In one particularly brutal shaken baby case I prosecuted in the Bronx in 2006, the mother sided with the offending father (a drug dealer) and refused to cooperate with me even while her son languished in a NICU on the edge of death. The people who did these things came from a broad diversity of racial, ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds and circumstances. In fact, there were only two things common to every one of the most brutal physical and sexual abuse cases I worked on:

1. The children involved, if they survived, needed new homes and new parents.

2. The biological parents, whether perpetrators or accomplices, were all heterosexual.

I’m not claiming that homosexual parents, adoptive or biological, can’t or don’t abuse their children. I’m just saying I’ve never seen it. Not in nearly 15 years. The point is not that homosexuals are perfect. The point is that they’re human, and when they are successful, compassionate, loving and stable adults who want to improve the life of a child without a home, they should be considered as adoptive parents.

Opponents of homosexual adoption often try to point to non-religious, “objective factors” to support their arguments. They never get far. No reputable scientific evidence supports a single claim that homosexual parents will be less successful or even that they will somehow foster a homosexual lifestyle on the part of their children. One of the last legislative pushes to prove that homosexuals are naturally disordered and dangerous as parents came from a particularly despicable Virginia legislator in 2004 (to my eternal shame, he represented my hometown of Sterling Park for seven years). The bill he finally got passed in the House of Delegates would have required social workers to investigate whether perspective adoptive parents were homosexual. The rationale, that homosexuality was related to increased levels of child molestation among other things, was based largely on junk science spewed by a single discredited and religiously biased sociologist. The bill, and the sociologist, were eventually routed in the Virginia senate, thanks in good measure to courageous Republicans who called this effort out for the rank bigotry that it was.

Although Biblical views of homosexuality (and similar non-Judeo-Christian religious tenets) are the primary force behind laws like Florida’s and efforts like Virginia’s, I won’t engage in a wholesale bashing of these religious views. There’s enough of that going on, and bigotry against religious people is as bad as bigotry toward anyone. To hold strict religious views is a private and sometimes difficult choice, and I know many decent Christians (among other religious) who struggle to reconcile the doctrines of their faith with their common experience as compassionate people. I draw the line, though, when positions based solely on religious doctrine become law in a pluralistic society. And I draw it in red when children- discarded, debased or destroyed by the supposedly “sexually healthy” people who created them, are languishing in a far too often chaotic, uncertain and flawed foster care system.

A widely known child protection and anti-violence against women advocate, legal expert, author and public speaker, Roger Canaff has devoted his legal career to the eradication of violence against women and children.

Roger Canaff: Anti-Violence Advocate, Child Protection Specialist, Legal Expert
Blog: WCSV (Women, Children, Sex, Violence: Outcry, Analysis, Discussion)
www.rogercanaff.com