An Intentional Media Stunt or Has MTV Accidently Crossed the Line?

By Pamela Chapman

SKINS Chick. That was the message sprawled in large white letters across the back window of a cherry-red, 2008 Toyota pickup sitting in the airport parking lot. I immediately thought Skin Heads, snarled, and continued moving quickly toward the terminal. I never gave the words a second thought. That was until a few days later. Fox Cable News and The Sean Hannity Show were running a piece which began like this, “The risqué MTV show, Skins, may have violated federal child pornography. Publicity stunt or has MTV crossed the lines of child pornography statues?”

I turned up the volume on my flat screen immediately. What the heck did I just hear? Thank goodness for DVR; I rewound the sound bite. Unfortunately, I hadn’t misheard. Hannity’s guest panel was providing debate around whether MTV had intentionally crossed the line and aired a risqué piece or had they plotted a well-thought publicity scheme. MTV has gotten plenty of PR around this and, yes, I’m giving them more. I believe we have grown to be a society who hides its head in the sand like an ostrich. I believe we believe if we ignore our debauchery and social maladies they will go away. Not so.

On January 23, 2011 the New York Times writer, David Carr, wrote “’MTV’s Naked Calculation Gone Bad.’ What if one day you went to work and there was a meeting to discuss whether the project you were working on crossed the line into child pornography? You’d probably think you had ended up in the wrong room. Last week my colleague, Brian Stelter, reported that on Tuesday, the day after the pilot episode of “Skins” was shown on MTV, executives at the cable channel were frantically meeting to discuss whether the salacious teenage drama starring actors as young as 15 might violate federal child pornography statutes.

No one at MTV, which is owned by Viacom, set out to make child pornography, but make no mistake: the series is meant to provoke. “Skins”—a title that derives its name from the rolling papers that are used to make the blunts that go with the vodka that washes down the pills that accompany the hookups—is mostly about explicitly teenage characters doing explicit things. In a cluttered programming era, controversy is oxygen, so MTV was undoubtedly happy with the tsk-tsking the show incited in advance. But objectifying teenage pathology, along with teenage bodies, is a complicated business— and the business that MTV is in.” 

My mind began to reel. I thought of my grandchildren ranging between the ages of four and eighteen. My mind went back to the large letters sprawled on the cherry-red pickup, “Skins Chick” and the other four words that accompanied, “I Just Don’t Listen.” As I continued to watch, the panel on Mr. Hannity’s show began to explain what this new show on MTV was all about. As briefly as possible, Skins is a realty TV series portraying the “real” problems teens face: drugs, alcohol, sexual desires/anxieties/encounters, bullying, parental clashes, etc., etc

Skins portrays young adults (teens) drinking irresponsibly, dropping pills, having wild sex,  and more. Again, its youngest actor is fifteen years of age. What is getting MTV all the publicity is a preview for the series that shows a teen running down the street from a wild party, naked, supposedly with an erection after having taken either Viagra or Cialis. The young man is 17 in real life. So, again, the question is whether MTV crossed the line.

This new show is supposed to be written for adults, MTV argues. LOL! A huge LOL! What adult in their right mind is going to sit around watching this kind of garbage? Let’s see. Let me think about it a couple of minutes. I don’t need to think long just like you don’t. Unfortunately, we know the answer all too well: pedophiles, child molesters, and the sexually perverted. The first show had 33 million viewers which included many of our children.

For God’s sake, can we not see why some countries see us as the devil? Yes, anyone can argue that our children are exposed to this every day. But does that make it right for MTV to target and exploit young people, glorify sexual immorality, promote drug use, and illicit behavior? The Hannity Show shared a photo, from MTV, of a group of young people naked all lying on top of each other inferring an orgy.

In Holy Scripture, the Book of Matthew, Chapter 24, verses 15-16 reads, “So when you see standing in the holy place the abomination that causes desolation, spoken of through the prophet Daniel—let the reader understand— then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains.

There has been great discussion by religious scholars over what the abomination of desolation is. I believe when we sell our children’s souls for the mighty dollar and sacrifice their lives on the altars of greed that is the abomination that causes desolation (wretchedness, bleakness, devastation). Is there any doubt desolation has hit our world? Times Up! Blog is not a religious arena, so I’m going to refrain from delving into this any further.

Let me ask: Where do we draw the line? When did we just give up! When did we decide it was okay to sell our children anything and everything? When did we decide to lie down and allow the networks to rape, pillage and ravage our children’s hearts, minds and souls? Why and how did we become so depraved and decadent? Are our minors so invaluable? Is our future so bleak, so dark that it’s not worth fighting for their lives and very souls? How did we become so complacent?  What’s up with parents? Don’t we care anymore? Are our 9 to 5’s, our homes, and aluminum cars, that lose half their value once they’re driven off the lot, more important?

Skins is programming out of Britain. May I dare to suggest that we lock out MTV until MTV gets the message and sends Skins and all of its other depraved programming packing? Can we tell them we don’t want them influencing our children anymore? Parents take back your homes. Win back your children in love. Teach them what they need to know about unprotected, early sex. Find self-esteem programs run by people who really care and get your children involved!

MTV promotes music videos portraying young girls lying across the laps of gangsters suggesting disgusting, lewd acts of sex. And, trust me, I believe what happens between a man and woman in their bedroom is sacred—no matter what it is; but, to cheapen and lessen what God has made beautiful, to exploit women and children, glorify violence, profanity, and immorality is an abomination.

I took a stand in my home years ago and fought for my son’s soul. I’m willing to take a stand and fight for them all. What about you? Are you the ostrich with you head in the sand; or are you willing to take a stand and fight for what is right for women and children in this country—these United States of America? We’re only as strong as our weakest link.

I only have one thing to say to Viacom, MTV and their Skins show. Get the Hell Out of our living rooms and go back to Britain. Whether this was a MTV publicity stunt or not, the young man in the commercial is 17. Whether you air the show or not, doesn’t matter either. MTV you are in the business of child pornography. You crossed the line in this instance; and you crossed the morality line years ago.

And The Next Step Is……..

courtesty of Moonstone Mandala




By Jillian Maas Backman

It would be remiss of me to dedicate this blog entry to an entirely different subject matter and leave everyone hanging from my December blog entitled “Year of Expansion.” In that blog, I specifically wrote about many colorful intuitive insights for the year 2011 - mainly the transitional energy of 2010 spilling over into this year of potential expansions in all areas of life.

When we think of the word expansion in regards to a person’s personal journey several thoughts come to mind for this year in particular. Even though we all follow the same basic linear path in a year like this, the possibilities for new energetic experiences are infinite. If you are one of those free- spirit types that thrive on creative and out of the box projects, this is your year! Whether you want to lose weight, stop smoking, or starting a new career this is the year to seize your eccentric side - unlike the energy of last year that put many of you into a perpetual holding pattern towards reaching specific goals. I hope that you were able to stay on the positive attitudinal side of the fence and took advantage of the transitional energy associated with 2010. If you did, expect doors to fling wide open up in all worldly fashion. The energy of this year supports the idea of trying new things. Things that you have always wanted to do but never had the nerve to try before. Expect the unexpected. This year will have its share of quick changeovers. Bouts of unpredictable sudden shifts in course and unavoidable feast or famine patterns. Your best bet to rise above these moments is to solidify in your mind the 2011 predetermined resolutionary goals. Have them firmly placed before you with solid intentions. Therefore, when the famine moments arrive you will intrinctaly know when to push through blocks on your path and know when to hibernate, regroup, and wait for the opportune energy to resume expansion. Use this time wisely. The perfect time for those of you, who did not lay the mental foundation for growth, you may have to back track a bit and cleanup unresolved messes from 2010.

This month I want you to dig out the list that I asked you to complete in the December blog.(See "The Year of Expansion http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/search?q=the+year+of+expansion) In that post I specifically asked that, you write out several items that were conceived from last year and want to expand this year. I could follow suit like other teachers and request that you compile a set of parameters that will help you achieve success. To do that would simply be a redundant assignment and setting you up towards possible failure. As an intuitive life coach it is my responsibility to bring forth multidimensional alternatives you can do that will support traditional methods of reaching your goals. I want to share a unique task unlike one you have completed in the past. Provide an exercise designed to tap into the hidden strengths behind all thoughts, feelings, and behavior. The universal forces that can help you reach the finish line of completion this year, the energy of expansion.

Soul Exercise: 

Design your own 2011 sacred energetic icon.

As you are already aware, according to my own intuitive sensing Year 2011 will be infinitely expansive in all directions. This frankly means nothing if you do not understand how to capture the essence of this energy and transform it into a source you can relate to. I borrow an example from other cultures to demonstrate this thought. There are certain societies that literally plan their yearly undertakings to coincide with the Energy of the Year. They go as far as depicting a yearly image representing the energy in pictorial form. By performing this simple gesture, they now have made a physical connection that represents a bond between themselves and the energy of the year at hand. I want to extrapolate this creative expression and create our own ingenious dimensional designs.

A visual picture captivates our initial sensory attention, why? The majority of the people register the outside world through their vision sense first. If you can align your visual pictures with your resolutions there is a greater chance you will succeed and follow through with your ultimate goals. I want to apply this same kind of logic to our list.

First, pick a form that best represents your Year 2011, Energy of Expansion sacred icon. Will that be a triangle, a square, circle, or some kind of shape in between? Relocate the resolution list from the last exercise. If you will recall the statements were broken down into two pronounced segments. One before the semi-colon and one directly following the semi-colon. For this exercise, disregard the first statement and only focus your attention on the last part of the sentence structure.

We have all heard about using daily affirmation to confirm commitment to our resolutions. This method is truly effective if you are willing to recite continuously throughout the day. A task many start with anticipation and end with exhaustion after a couple of weeks. In this part of the exercise, we are going to let the unconscious mind take the lead. This is about letting your inner doodling do the non-verbal talking. We are all guilty of using this harmless physical expression on occasions. A non-threatening way our unconscious thoughts break through and communicate buried truths. How fun it that! Let us expand that brainy task to express what your Energy of Expansion looks like with symbols, words, and diagrams. By using this formula will be able to see for yourself what that inner core looks like and represents you.

Once you have decided on the shape, now is the time for your creative nature to take over. Find yourself a piece of paper, a size that will be portable. Draw your chosen iconic shape anywhere on the paper. Retrieve those resolution commitment statements and start writing them inside the shape. Feel free to overlap them if necessary. I prefer to start from the inside out with mine. Include words of affirmation, symbols, and colors if you chose. Also include positive words like YES, Today and your name. Overlap layer over layer if it feels right. This is representing your intentions, your starting point and your end results. If it is weight you want to lose, write it. Stop smoking; include the universal sign for no smoking. If you are in pain and you want to release it, write it out, draw it out, and force it out to see! Let your inner doodling be your guide. Scribble whatever comes up for you. The only request I have is refrain from using any negative connotations here. This is a sacred icon built around positive energy and self-talk. I know this sound silly but resolutions become laden with hardship. This exercise will interject some fun and joy into the process of change. The energy of expansion is arbitrary, how you express is absolutely your business.

Stop only when you feel completely positively empty and every crevice of your sacred icon is filled with abundant visions. Have it available at all times. Glace at it as much as you possibly can during your day. Post on the nightstand next to your bed. Look at it first thing you wake up in the morning. In the kitchen when you are cooking. Let it become your go to piece of work when you find yourself slipping back from wenst you came. It is a work of spiritual art! Let it perform its expansive energy on You.

In love and grace, Jillian Maas Backman

P.S. I would love to see your finish work of art if you are willing to share. Every icon transforms itself into a masterpiece.

www.jillianmaasbackman.com

How can we Help?

by Anne Peterson

*   An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.

*   85% of domestic violence victims are women.

In college, while doing research about domestic violence I found a link with people who were abused while growing up and those who became victims of domestic violence. Women who have been abused while children grow up with feelings of shame. They somehow feel they deserve what happens to them.

A victim of domestic violence feels he/she can help the abuser.

A victim doesn’t realize the severity of his/her situation.

In their book, Safe People, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend talk about why some people seem to pick unsafe people.

“One of the chief reasons that we pick destructive people is that we are unable to judge character. Many times, when we are choosing important people in our lives, we do not think of character as the main factor. We look at how we feel, to whom we are attracted, or what seems to “pull” us towards a certain person. Our choices are very subjective.”

Having lost my sister, Peggy to domestic violence in September, 1982 I have given a lot of thought to her life. Although we were not aware of what she had endured in her 10 years of marriage, we were shocked when she was eventually declared dead after being missing for over 20 some years.

People ask why a victim stays in an abusive relationship. Many times a victim will stay because they honestly believe things will improve. When reality hits that this is how it’s going to be, some make the decision to leave the marriage. That’s when things get heated. In my sister’s case, once her husband realized she was divorcing him, then things got worse.

Looking back on her situation I am surprised she kept so much to herself. Victims often feel a sense of shame at not being able to keep the relationship together. The truth is, one person cannot make a marriage work.

Hindsight is 20/20. We wish we had known what was going on in my sister’s life all along. Maybe then we would have been in a position to help her.

Many times the victim will isolate herself from family members or friends. When they need others the most, they pull back.

Today many organizations exist whose main objective is the safety of those who are victims of domestic violence. These places provide safe havens for those who are battered. The vicim’s whereabouts are kept confidential to insure safety for her and family members. With safety experienced the victim is then freer to really look at her situation and to decide how she will proceed.

How can we help women who are in unhealthy relationships?

Be a listener. Hurting women need to talk.

Let the victim vent. It has been a while since they felt safe enough to express their feelings.

Look for tangible ways to lend a hand. Do they emotional support with their children?

Victims need a plan.

Encourage the victim to have a plan. A counselor once told her client to decide ahead of time a plan of action for the next time the partner was abusive.

Important components of that plan include:

Choose a safe place you can go. Make it a place that your partner is unaware of.

Make sure you have some money put aside. Don’t advertise that you have money.

Have a person you trust as a confidant.

If the victim does not take care of herself then she is not in a position to take care of others.

Truths for victims:

You will attract people who are as healthy as you are. Women can work on becoming emotionally healthy. Finding someone who can help them navigate this part of their lives is crucial.

Make sure you have support. Our emotions cloud our vision. Another perspective helps us see more clearly.

Your relationship does not define who you are. A partner does not make you more valuable than you are.

Learn that you are a woman of dignity. Do not allow others to disrespect you in any ways. Don’t make excuses when others mistreat you, like, he wasn’t feeling well, or I made him mad, he’s usually not like this.

Take care of yourself. Often victims are caretakers who look to the needs of others and do not look after their own needs. Somewhere along the line they believed that taking care of themselves was selfishness, so instead they focused on those around them. The problem is we cannot take care of anyone if we haven’t taken care of ourselves.

If you decide to leave the relationship, make sure you let others know what you are doing. People need each other, it’s the way we were made. Let others help you. Some would be happy to lend a hand. There may come a time when you will be the one helping someone else, but for now, ask for help.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish Peggy was still alive. I know we would have been involved in each other’s lives. We would have shared a lot of good times and even shared our grandkids.

I’m certain when she married her husband it was for life. No bride ever thinks their relationship will end violently, and yet, some will. 

Anne Peterson is a poet, speaker and author of 42 published Bible Studies as well as the author of articles for ChristianBibleStudies.com. You can find out more about Anne by going to her site, www.annepeterson.com Anne is also the sister of Peggy Dianovsky who was a victim of domestic violence.

Kaitlyn Arquette

By Dennis Griffin

At 6 p.m. on Sunday, July 16, 1989, 18-year-old Kaitlyn Arquette, of Albuquerque, New Mexico, who had recently graduated from high school and gotten her own apartment, stopped by her parents' home en route to visit a new girlfriend, Sharon Smith. Kait told her parents that Sharon had invited her for dinner and had given her written directions to her house in Old Town. Kait also said that she was breaking up with her live-in Vietnamese boyfriend, Dung Ngoc Nguyen, and if he called trying to find her, not to say where she was.

Kait kept her dinner date with Sharon and left her friend's home at 10:45 p.m. The Albuquerque police think that while driving east on Lomas Blvd. in the direction of her parents' house, she was shot twice in the head.  Her car jumped the median and came to rest against a pole at the intersection of Lomas and Arno Streets.  Kait survived 20 hours in a coma and died the next evening. 

The first officer to arrive at the scene of the shooting was an off-duty Albuquerque Police Department (APD) violent crimes detective, Ronald Merriman, who just happened to be passing by.  He reported that as he drove past he saw two vehicles parked on the sidewalk, Kait's red Ford Tempo and a second vehicle, which is not described in police reports, but which he later recalled to be a VW Bug. He also said he saw a man, later identified as Paul Apodaca, standing next to Kait's car. The detective radioed in to ask if a traffic accident had been reported at that location. None had. He returned to the scene and discovered an unconscious, blood-drenched girl lying across the front seats of the Ford.  According to Merriman, Apodaca explained that he was not involved and  had just stopped to see what had happened.

The first uniformed officer dispatched to the scene, Mary Ann Wallace, arrived within 40 seconds.  Wallace reported seeing only one vehicle on the sidewalk -- Kait's Ford Tempo, with Merriman standing nearby, talking with Apodaca – some years later Wallace “recalls” a VW Bug at the scene.   Wallace said the call had been dispatched as an accident without injury. But when she arrived on scene Merriman told her that an ambulance was enroute.  However, no record has been found of such a call.

Wallace and Merriman dispute each other about what happened next.  Wallace says Merriman gave her the identification information on Apodaca.  Merriman says it was Wallace’s responsibility to get that information.  In Wallace’s report, the identification information includes a name and age - but no address - and an incorrect telephone number. In later interviews, Wallace said that she felt something was wrong with the scene, but Merriman continued to “argue” that it was simply a car accident. Wallace says she called for a supervisor.  Merriman says he called for a supervisor.  The supervisor indicates she was requested by Merriman.  Apodaca later told others that he never saw or talked to Wallace. To this day, no police officer has ever interviewed Apodaca.  Nor have police questioned the disappearance of his VW Bug between the time Merriman saw it parked next to Kait's car and the time Wallace arrived.

In their accounts of what happened at the scene that night, Merriman and Wallace have stated that, accompanied by Apodaca, they opened the passenger’s door of Kait’s vehicle and observed a girl sprawled across the two seats, bleeding profusely from the head.  Wallace noted that the victim was “moaning and crying.”    

Not only are the recollections of Wallace and Merriman sometimes at odds with each other,  their versions are contradicted by responding medical personnel. For example, Merriman and Wallace indicated they were on the scene when rescue arrived. However,  medics with Albuquerque Ambulance, who transported Kait to the hospital, have stated in individual affidavits that they responded upon hearing that an accident had occurred – they were not dispatched to the scene.  As they arrived in the area there were no cops, police cars or bystanders present. They found Kait alone in her car, unconscious and bleeding from two head wounds. If the medics are right, the veracity of a statement made by Merriman that he couldn’t interview Paul Apodaca because he “had to stay with the victim,” becomes an issue.   

Officer Wallace has stated that Merriman told her not to interview Apodaca because he had already done so, and she busied herself “directing traffic.” Yet, according to the rescue team, she was not directing traffic, and in fact was not even at the scene when they got there. The medical team stated that they almost missed the scene due to the lack of a  police presence.

The contradictions of what took place at the scene aside, the police theory of the case in not entirely credible. They believe Kait was chased down on Lomas and shot twice in the head at a stoplight at the corner of Lomas and John streets. Her car then proceeded to travel 719 feet, cross two traffic lanes, go over the median, cross three more lanes, go up onto the sidewalk past the Arno intersection, and crash into a light pole. They say the location of the shooting was defined by a large pile of broken glass at Lomas and John.  However, evidence of that glass was never documented. It was not gathered up as evidence or photographed.

With no suspects and so many unanswered questions, the Arquette family launched their own investigation into Kait's murder. They and their investigator speculate that the crime scene may have been altered before police investigators got there.  The police criminalistics personnel arrived late because they had been busy at a police shooting.  According to their report, they were met at the scene by a Sgt. John Gallegos.  It appears that the initial information about the scene was based upon information from Gallegos rather than personal observations or investigation. Sgt. John B. Gallegos was subsequently fired from the department for burglarizing a liquor store while on duty. 

  

In 2003, after reviewing copies of APD reports, forensic reports, scene photos, etc., a member of the Bernallilo County Cold Case Squad came up with the following interpretation of the crime scene:

On the basis of review of available material in the matter of the death of Kaitlyn Arquette, the following observations are made (emphasis added):

1) This was not a random drive-by shooting
2) The shooting occurred after Kaitlyn's vehicle had struck the utility pole
3) The accuracy of the shots suggests they were fired at a very close range, at a non-moving target.
4) Had the shooting taken place while the victim's car was in motion, it would have veered to the right of the roadway due to the left-to-right camber of the pavement.  Also, the victim's falling to the right would have turned the steering wheel in that direction if she was grasping the steering wheel at the time of the shooting.

5) Damage to the left end of the rear bumper suggests the rear of her vehicle was struck and pushed to the right by a second vehicle which veered her car across the median and into the utility pole.
6) This shooting was intentional and Ms. Arquette was the specific target. 

According to Kait's family, at the time of her murder Kait was in a position to have information relating to Asian criminal activity in New Mexico and California, drug smuggling, drug activities involving New Mexico VIPs, and police corruption. They believe that knowledge and her  potential as a whistleblower may have cost Kait her life.

Kaitlyn's murder remains an unsolved cold case over 21 years after her death. Although the  police investigation went cold, Kait's parents, Don and Lois Duncan Arquette, didn't give up their hunt for their daughter's killer. They created the Real Crimes Website - http://www.realcrimes.com - on which Kait's and many other unsolved cases are posted. And they continued to work tirelessly to develop information.

This case needs to be solved and the responsible person or persons brought to justice. Somebody knows who killed Kaitlyn Arquette. It's time for anyone with information to come forward and help bring this case to resolution. If you know anything at all about who murdered Kait, please contact Crime Wire at thecrimewire@gmail.com.

On January 25, the Crime Wire Team talked with investigators and the parents of Kaitlyn Arquette.  You can listen to the interview here:

Keeping Secrets

By Gaétane Borders, Ed.S. 

I recently watched Tyler Perry’s film titled I Can Do Bad All By Myself, which stars Taraji P. Henson. I was unaware of the rollercoaster ride of emotions I was about to experience, as the movie deals with all sorts of issues ranging from death, love, abandonment, addiction, and sexual abuse. I was very happy to see how this latter issue was handled on screen because I realize that in reality it is not dealt with in this way. Despite the fact that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys are molested before the age of eighteen, people don’t seem to acknowledge how prevalent this epidemic is. The reason…we stay silent.

The truth is that more than 25% of you who are reading this have been sexually abused. Another reality is that only a small percentage of you disclosed this to your parents. So why don't children tell? One would think that they would run, yelling and screaming, to their parents if someone had molested them. But this is generally not the case. One reason may be because the abuser has brainwashed them to stay silent and to keep this horrific secret from those that can help. Another reason may also be that oftentimes the abuser is a family member (ie. Parent), and the child is urged not to “air the dirty laundry” to others even after the abuse is revealed.

I applaud public figures such as Tyler Perry, Mackenzie Phillips, Monique, Oprah, Todd Bridges, Don Lemon, Janice Dickinson, and the many others who have shared their very personal stories of abuse. Their courage to speak out encourages others to do so as well, and enables other victims to see that they are not alone. So, if your son or daughter tells you that someone has touched them inappropriately don’t tell them not to tell others. All that does is send a message to them that they did something wrong or that they should be ashamed. Silence only protects the abuser. They want you to stay quiet and allow them to roam freely. Don’t help them….help your child instead.

Since most children do not disclose the abuse to their parents, it is very important to watch for warning signs. I stress the importance of being attuned to any changes in your child's behavior because this will tell you a lot! Young children will often regress by wetting the bed, sucking their fingers, not eating. Elementary school age kids often demonstrate excessive fear of certain people, masturbate excessively, have nightmares, and will withdraw from people. In the teen years, kids may become promiscuous, experiment with drugs, be depressed, and may also have suicidal thoughts. You should be concerned if you see any of these behaviors, and begin asking questions.


Gaétane F. Borders, Ed.S., ABD

President, Peas In Their Pods

Resolutions: How Are YOU Doing?

By Neil Schori

So we're about three weeks into this new year and new decade...and I'm wondering how you're doing with sticking to your resolutions.  The crowd at my gym is already thinning out, and I've seen many posts by friends of mine on Facebook and Twitter announcing to the cyber-world that they've already fallen off their diet-wagons.  Resolutions irritate the heck out of me!  Do you know why?  Because I've hardly ever seen anyone follow through to their goals.  They just don't work and I've been told over and over that if the way a person is doing something doesn't work, that the method must change before different results will be seen.

For some people, resolutions don't "really" matter.  And what I mean by that is that the consequences of not following-through for most resolutions are minimal.  But for abused women, our lack of follow-through has dire consequences.  Kathleen Savio may not have died if it weren't for a lack of follow-through.  Stacy Peterson may not have disappeared, either.  So we must change.  We must make a renewed commitment to these women whom are crying out for help.  Our places of worship must be islands of refuge for abused women instead of acting as the seal on a doomed fate.  Our police officers and our courts must be held accountable for abuse of power and to uphold the rights of tragically terrorized and forgotten women.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said: "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who perpetrates it.  He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."  Dr. King believed so much in over-turning deeply entrenched social injustice that he paid for it with his life.

So, today, I want to make my recommitment to abused women in this public forum.  This is greater than a resolution.  It is more than a whim.  It is connected straight to the very heart of God.  

If you are abused and afraid and have no place to turn, you can turn to Naperville Christian Church.  We will not betray you nor will we minimize your problems.  If you allow us the privilege, we will walk alongside you and help you see and find a better way.  We will become friends and family to you.  We will never tell you that you should just go back to your abuser or that if you were a better wife that he wouldn't have hit you.  We will listen to you and we will let you know that you have value and that you are valued.

I am fully dedicated to this cause, but I know that I am NOT enough.  If you are a pastor or leader in a faith community and you are interested in learning about how you can step up and make a difference in the lives of many women, please call me or email me.  It would be my honor to share my passion with you.  Will you join me in this struggle against domestic violence and perhaps even more importantly, for the hearts and lives of these women?

Peace,

Neil Schori
Lead Pastor, NCC
napervillechristian.org
630.983.5600
neil@napervillechristian.org

Real Weapons of Mass Destruction

By Lavinia Masters

As a young girl in school I was always taught that a weapon of mass destruction is a weapon that can kill and bring significant harm to a large number of humans (and other life forms) and/or cause great damage to man-made structures (e.g. buildings), natural structures (e.g. mountains), or the biosphere in general. In other words this weapon has the capacity to inflict death and destruction indiscriminately and on a massive scale. However the scope and application of the term has evolved and been disputed, often signifying more politically than technically.

Today I challenge what politics and society consider weapons of mass destruction because in this life I have come to discover a mass of weapons and evil devices that not only destroy the human being but these weapons destroy the human spirit. The weapons that I speak of all leave a devastating and long lasting negative effect on the victims yet they are weapons that seem to not be prioritized by politicians and society today when it comes to seeking and destroying them.

The weapons that I speak of also carry the capacity to inflict death and destruction indiscriminately and on a massive scale and they are sexual abuse/assault, domestic violence, stalking, human trafficking and missing and exploited children. These indeed are all the real weapons of mass destruction. These are heinous and horrendous crimes that happen to the young and old, rich or poor, black or white, male or female. These weapons not only destroy the individual lives and their way of living but they also destroy their families, friends, loved ones and their communities.

Did you know that the impact of sexual abuse on children can be devastating and long-lasting because children are generally victimized by someone they should be able to trust and depend on, they may not realize that the abuse is wrong and not their fault? Even after much time has passed, the effects of sexual abuse are powerful and it has been found that the long-term effects of maltreatment to include poor self-esteem, difficulty trusting others, anxiety, feelings of isolation and stigma, depression, self-destructive tendencies, sexual maladjustment, and substance abuse. In addition to these effects, a survivor of sexual abuse/ assault may develop Rape-related Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (RR-PTSD) and have possible physiological effects such as hyper vigilance (always being "on your guard"), insomnia, exaggerated startle response (jumpiness) ,panic attacks ,eating problems/disorders, self-mutilation (cutting, burning or otherwise hurting oneself),Sexual dysfunction (not being able to perform sexual acts) and hyper arousal (exaggerated feelings/responses to stimuli).

Then there is domestic violence which is the single major cause of injury to women, more significant than auto accidents, rapes, or muggings. In fact, the emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by batterers may be more costly to treat in the short-run than physical injury. Many of the physical injuries sustained by women seem to cause medical difficulties as women grow older and to add insult to injury battered women lose their jobs because of absenteeism due to illness as a result of the violence. Although the long term effects of domestic violence have not begun to be fully documented battered women suffer physical and mental problems as a result of domestic violence. Then it’s sad how survivors of domestic violence seem to often lose family and friends as a result of the battering. Generally because first, the batterer isolates them from family and friends then second, they become embarrassed by the abuse inflicted upon them and withdraw from support persons to avoid embarrassment.

Then there is a weapon that sometimes attacks us all and some are still unaware that they are indeed or have been a victim and that is the weapon of stalking; which is the crime of harassing somebody with persistent, inappropriate, and unwanted attention. Rokkers wrote, "Stalking is a form of mental assault, in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwontedly, and disruptively breaks into the life-world of the victim, with whom they have no relationship (or no longer have)." For the most part, the separate acts that make up the intrusion cannot by themselves cause the mental abuse, but taken together they do, as there is a cumulative effect. Stalking leaves a victim unsure or living in the fear of what would happen to them next or afraid that the behavior would not stop not to mention that their stalker would not only cause bodily harm to them but their child or other family member.

Now on the other hand the weapon of human trafficking does not only affect victims, it takes a toll on the child or children of the victim. Many a times, victims strive to survive, even when they do not know the way out to protect their children. Virtually every country in the world is affected by human trafficking, either as a country of origin, transit or destination for victims. Due to the nature of trafficking there are three constituent elements that make up human trafficking, firstly the act; the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring or receipt of persons, the means; threat or use of force, coercion, abduction, fraud and abuse of power and the purpose; for the purpose of exploitation, which includes exploiting the prostitution of others, sexual exploitation, forced labor, slavery or similar practices and the removal of organs. One alarming fact about this weapon is that women constitute the largest proportion of trafficked persons and with over half of trafficked victims being women they are the ones forced into sexual slavery and prostitution. The mass of trafficking victims are between 18-24 years of age, with also an estimated 1.2 million children trafficked yearly.

Then the last weapon I want you to consider destroys on such a massive level that it was one of my worst nightmares when I had my son; this weapon attacks like a thief in the night and that is the weapon of missing children. When a child is kidnapped or abducted, he/she is put into captivity against their will. When a person who was missing as a result of abduction is found, they can have adverse psychological effects. Abduction is a very traumatic experience in which the victim has suffered through an emotional and physical ordeal. The experience can be so traumatic it will take time and possibly professional help to assist in coping with it. The sad part about this weapon is that some children are never found and some children when they are found are no longer alive.

So I ask you how can we sit idly by and let these weapons of mass destruction continue to destroy our lives, our families, communities and the world without trying to find a solution. How do we consciously continue to say we love our children, communities and country when we are found lacking in the support of fighting against these heinous crimes? What do our children learn when they see us take the “backseat” to making changes in the laws or legislation when it comes to addressing that we as a society find an end to the real weapons of mass destruction.

You see school may have taught me a lot on how the way things should be defined but life has shown me how life really is. These weapons of mass destruction have been launched all over the world and they are subtly stealing, killing and destroying our world. I ask, are you prepared to fight in this battle…you should be because no one is exempt.

Ready, Fire, Aim!

By Charles Moncrief

I did not kill John Kennedy. Trust me on this. More in a moment.

The day was Saturday, January 8, 2011. The place was Tucson, Arizona. The occasion was a rally featuring Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, a Democrat. A man shot the Congresswoman and several others, some of whom were wounded fatally.

Sounds dispassionate when expressed this way, doesn’t it? But doesn’t a dispassionate presentation stand up favorably alongside the usual lies, knee-jerk reactions, and gleefully predatory judgments that the media raise against everyone who exercises free speech? The anchors at the television and radio news outlets, without any facts, immediately attributed the shooting rampage to certain commentators and former political candidates whose intention is to change the government of the United States. A sheriff in Arizona vilified anyone who dares to raise a voice against the rulers we currently serve. And before we suggest that it was his ignorance that caused him to get this backwards -- about government’s role as to serve the people -- I’d suggest that he has expressed his belief intentionally. He’s an elected official, after all.

The rush-to-judgment accusations made by the usual suspects -- the members of the press and the various columnists -- will never be retracted. This is because they know that the false witness they have borne (a clear violation of Commandment #9, if we need a refresher) will stand forever. It’s intentional, and follows the precedent used by the IRS several years ago when they published that Mohammad Ali was being investigated for possible tax evasion. When the former boxer was cleared of wrongdoing (a charge that he never should have faced in the first place), little if any reporting occurred; fear-based compliance with IRS rules will always trump the truth.

Guilt by Association

Those who promote a certain political ideology (or seem to promote such) are now getting such rotten treatment that Rush Limbaugh is almost being pictured as the trigger man and Sarah Palin is being depicted as the gun moll. Whether you agree or disagree with either person, whether you like or dislike their manners of presentation, you can’t miss the immediate cheap shots taken at both of them by the media once the “(D)” appeared next to the Congresswoman’s name.

All I can do is thank God that the very few commentators who tried to bring racism into the false accusations were somehow silenced.

I lived in Dallas on November 22, 1963. I was too young to vote, but was aware of the differences between Richard Nixon and John Kennedy. I was also aware of the generally conservative tone in Dallas, but had no idea of the extent to which Dallas would be hated following the President’s assassination. Approximately a half million Dallasites were all guilty of murder in the eyes of the world, an attitude promoted by our respected news leaders of the time. But please trust me. Whether Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone or was part of a conspiracy, it was neither the city of Dallas nor its body of residents who pulled off this horrible event. My lifelong gratitude now goes to J. R. Ewing and Lorimar Productions for restoring Dallas to greatness in the eyes of the world. (Isn’t it ironic that the shooting of the main character did so much to heal the city’s image?)

Shifting Blame

Normally I would have written this article for some other outlet, rather than for this blog site. (But be assured that I would write this in any case!) But there is a direct bearing on the lives of anyone who survives violence and abuse.

Remember Tailhook and the questions that followed? Why did the women go into the part of the hotel where they would be molested by a group of Navy pilots celebrating? Remember the accusations that the women deserved to be fondled and abused since they went there?

Remember the accusations that Mary Jo Kopechne deserved to die at Chappaquiddick because she consorted with the Kennedy family?

Remember the accusations made against every woman who files charges against a rapist?

Remember the accusations made against a woman who goes to the emergency room as a result of domestic violence?

Does it not speak to a sickness in our society when we blame someone other than the person who committed a crime or other atrocity? Granted, there is a lot of profit in the “Sue the Money” philosophy that, among other things, puts a bar out of business when an intoxicated patron kills someone while behind the wheel.

But it is fashionable, and it even feeds a public addiction, to shift blame to someone other than the perpetrator. Parental upbringing, faulty public education, schoolyard bullying, and teenage heartbreaks are favorite targets for cocktail chatter now. Even insensitive pastoral counseling (did you think I’d leave myself and my colleagues out of this presentation?) become the stuff of accusation.

Reality of Responsibility

We truly need to force ourselves into a reality check.

The gunman who pulled the trigger in Tucson should be the focus of our attention.

The men who abused the women in the Tailhook scandal were responsible.

The boys who shot the people in Columbine High School were at fault.

The drunk behind the wheel of the car deserves to stand accountable.

The cause of whatever is wrong with my life may have someone else’s name on it: my father, my mother, my brother, my first-grade teacher, my seminary professor, et al. But the recovery from everything has MY name on it.

I’ll deviate from all I’ve said above, about shifting responsibility away from the perpetrator of atrocities such as the one in Tucson, with this alone: a paraphrase of statements by Michael Youssef, Billy Graham, and other leaders.

When we shove God out of our society, we leave a spiritual void that gets readily filled by the forces of evil and opens our lives to evil for which we have no legitimate appeal other than to beg for grace and mercy from the One from whom we have turned away.

May we once again turn back to the only hope for the world.

Grace and Peace,
Charles+

Quotes of Life: Fishing Steady

By Karen Rae Elkins

Coop said, "You can tell people how you walk in life, but its the tracks you leave, will show who you really are".

Gary Cooper, Coop, is an Alabama fisherman. His saying touches my heart because it reminds me of the cover-up of domestic violence. What tracks are you leaving? Violence has no place in our homes or in our lives. Let's start out the New Year with some thoughts, messages and quotes to meditate on, maybe adopt in our lives, so that we may leave a footprint of kindness and love over those of pain and evil.
That you are only as free as you imagine yourself to be. There is nothing ''out there'' that's holding you down, - you are limiting yourself only with your own imagination. And your greatest limits are not even the ''cannot'' and the ''should not'', but the places where your imagination hasn't yet gone at all. There has never been a better time for you to open your eyes, let the imagination soar and see what more is possible.  from: God Wants You To Know". 

Dare to dream. I start my week with a Social Network application/program called "God Wants You To Know."  I thought "Right On" when I read this message because it came to me as I was writing this blog.. When I sat down to plan my fishing schedule in December. I realized I had put a limit on what was possible. I had not dreamed big enough. I'm going to need a passport for fishing this year.  I never saw that situation on the horizon.  I can say without a doubt that I never imagined fishing a Canadian Tournament. What do I know about Canada or the fish in their rivers? Not much that will help me on foreign soil...I mean water. However, I'm headed to Canada in 2011 and it takes my breath to think about the possibilities. Imagination, keep it reel.
"It's not where you're from; it's where you're going. It's not what you drive; it's what drives you. It's not what's on you; it's what's in you. It's not what you think; it's what you know." This quote came from a Gatorade Commercial. Lets raise a glass and drink to this quote in the New Year. 

I was pleased to see something of substance and truth come out of marketing. It speaks strongly to the uplifting return on their investment. It was a touching sentiment.. a chance to drink in a positive message, potential and good intent. It's a given that a fisherman would,  pay attention to Gatorade commercials. Have you ever made the mistake of de-hydration on a boat? I have. It was not pretty, but neither are the bruises of violence. It's just not what I think, it's what I know. I know there is never an excuse for abuse. How about you?
"The power of one man or one woman doing the right thing for the right reason, and at the right time, is the greatest influence in our society."Jack Kemp

The story unfolding in Tucan, Arizona, breaks my heart. It was an unthinkable twisted act of violence, or was it? Homes are riddled with violence very day.  Violence is just that, violence, whether or not you know the perpetrator, it speaks to the level on person will go to control, manipulate, inflict pain and even death to another human being.We may never know the why, but violence is violence and there are no excuses for violence.  Leaving an abusive situation is always the right decision. It's time to be a positive influence and take control away from violence.

The trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk more. Erica Jong. 
It's easy to shy away from risk. I take a risk every time I compete in a fishing tournament. Fishing is a piece of pie compared to leaving an abusive relationship. Leaving an abusive relationship is a dangerous risk worth taking. To not leave, you risk your life. If you are considering the risk, there are tools out there to help you take a chance on yourself. Time's Up, a book by Susan Murphy- Milano,  is an insightful road map for your trip to freedom from abuse. 

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.” Carrie from , Sex and the City.
It's not easy to be good to yourself when verbal, physical or sexual assault is in your past. Dolly Parton said, "Discover who you are and do it on purpose".  It's understandable when women are shocked to discover that I fish on purpose. It's just one of those things that makes me happy. Now about relationships with men, I know a lot and I know nothing. I use the website askmen.com. I have learned that most men are not there to punish you for who you are. Chuck Norris describes men as being like steel. When they loose there temper, they lose their worth.  Learn to love the you in you, then you can open yourself up to the possibilities. 

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe

My wish for you is that you will take these quotes for the good they can add in your life. The quote form Marilyn Monroe turned my head weeks after the last time he had the opportunity to hit me. It served as a link from a bad relationship to one of trusting myself with the hope that better things would fall together. 

We'll see things today we shouldn't have to see, but listen up, we'll do it together. We'll be together, and we'll all come back together."  --anonymous fire lieutenant

I grabbed this last quote for the men and women who stand up, shoulder to shoulder with the victims of violence. If you take a stand and leave violence, be proud, you too have played an important  role in saying NO Violence means NO violence, and violence has lost it's grip in my life. If you haven't taken that step, no worries. We will wait on you to say, Time's Up.

See ya on the lake sometime. Fish steady, always. Karen


*Photograph by Karen Rae Elkins

"We" In Statement Analysis

by Peter Hyatt

“We” is a pronoun that has specific meaning.

We have previously seen that each individual has a personal, subjective, internal dictionary. This means that in an interview, we must seek to enter into the subject’s personal dictionary in order to understand their reality.

So that if someone says “the boy was…” we need to learn what a “boy” is to the subject.

Is the boy a young child in school?
Is the boy an older child, with developed intelligence such as a 12 year old?
“Support our fighting boys in the war!” would indicate a male over the age of 18.

To each subject, the word “boy” may indicate a slightly different reality and it is only by context and our questions that we can enter into the subject’s personal internal dictionary and understand what is meant.

There are, however, two exceptions to the personal, internal, subjective dictionary that each of us has: articles and pronouns.

Articles and Pronouns are not part of our internal dictionary. The word “a” is used when a topic or item is first introduced, for example, but thereafter is referred to with the article, “the”. This is universal to all of us.

Pronouns are also universal, as they are something we learn very early in life; for some, predating speech. (the child who reaches with his hands to indicate “my” or “mine” will show understanding of the pronoun even before being able to properly enunciate the words.

The pronoun, “we” is important in investigations. 

1. It indicates cooperation.

In the example of the young women who, disheveled and crying, reported that she had been sexually assaulted.

"He threw me in his car, drove to the woods, he assaulted me and we drove home..." was recognized as a deceptive statement.

There is no "we" between assailant and victim (note that the "we" was used after the alleged assault) which when confronted, the young woman admitted breaking curphew with a young man whom her father had disliked.

2. It indicates plurality.

If the subject is said to have supposed to have been alone, but says “we ate dinner”, the pronoun, “we” is not open to interpretation: it means more than one, and it is not something a subject can later claim it wasn’t what was meant. As simple as this sounds, when caught, subjects who have claimed to have been alone attempt to rely on "I meant to say "I"" as an excuse.


3. It is also an indication of weakness when it appears in a statement.

“We were thinking how strange this seemed…” is not a strong statement but may even be deceptive.

“I thought it was strange” is a strong statement; first person singular, past tense.

Why do some use the word “we”?

Christopher Dillingham wrote in “Dissecting Pinocchio”

“by saying “we” rather than “I”, many liars feel that less attention will be paid to their role in an event. It also adds some perceivedcredibility, because Pinocchio is implying that he has witnesses to his “good behavior.” He also gets to dissociate himself from the others’ bad behaviors."
The use of the term “we” also implies a cooperative effort. If “we” did something together, than “I” don’t share all the blame because I didn’t do it alone.”

False Witnesses and "we"
The use of "we" is often a good give away when a false witnesses comes forward; especially in a case that has the public's attention. The "witness" is nervous. She is reporting things that she did not personally see, so she slips into the "we" to speak for herself and others, perhaps a husband or friend. The "give away" is when she tells us what another thought or felt. The exception to this is a standard principle: When husband and wife are in the room together, and one is speaking for both.

Sometimes a false witness will use the "we" to describe himself and the crowd that was present. When this arises, it should be flagged for possible deception. Once flagged, if deception is present, we are likely to find an increase in qualifiers and sensitivity along with the "we" that is present.

Change in Pronoun
We need to pay close attention to the subject’s change from “I” to “we” in an open statement because it may be an attempt to divert attention away, or it may be a means to attempt to persuade that something is true.

Any change in pronoun is to be noted as important, possibly sensitive.

We always note when someone purports to speak for another, including what others thought. This is sensitive. Unless the subject can say that she knows what another thought because the other told her so, we should flag the sensitivity for review or follow up questions.

First person singular, past tense, establishes commitment. The employment of the first person plural weakens the commitment. Note this, in particular, in any eye witness statements.

It is also a signal of a bad relationship if it comes before the introduction . This is sometimes a clue to motive in disappearances.

In an open statement (one of which the subject is editing freely), when a person is introduced, we expect to have a proper social introduction.

“Kathy, my wife, said that we should…” would be considered a proper social introduction.

An improper social introduction should be flagged as a possibly bad relationship.

“And so I told the wife that we should…” would indicate that this is a bad relationship with no social introduction and the use of the article, “the” rather than “my” in the first statement.

Consider that this is a situation where the subject is talking to law enforcement. (If his wife is known by police it is not necessary for him to introduce her; similar rules apply when speaking to a journalist, or at an Emergency Room; that is, any professional setting where name and address is needed).


If we find that the word “we” enters a statement prior to the social introduction, it is likely a very bad relationship and should take careful note of this as possible motive if it is a missing person’s report, homicide or injury.

When is "we" appropriate? 

If the subject is speaking for another, for instance, a parent, if the parent is in the room, it should be considered appropriate.

However, if one spouse speaks for the other and the other is not present, it should be noted. A spouse may say "my husband said" but when the statement is such that one spouse tells us what another spouse saw, felt, thought, etc, it is a strong indication of deception and it would likely be confirmed in the langage itself (increase in sensitiviy indicators/qualifiers)

If a spouse tells us what another spouse said, felt, saw, etc, where the other spouse is deceased, it should be considered unreliable information and the investigator needs to continue digging. This is the "weakness" where the spouse seeks to sound credible by adding in the spouse. In fact, in a deceptive account, the more sensitive the information the more likely we are to have the subject use "we" repetitively in a statement, giving the appearnace of being "afraid" to speak for oneself. This absence of "I" is an indicator that the account is not reliable and the analysis should proceed on alert for deception.

Lying Is Stressful

Lying causes internal stress and people will say almost anything to avoid it. Among its stress is the issue of remembering all the lies told previously.

Sometimes deceptive people will go back and forth from the "I" to "we" without 'keeping track' of their words and get caught.

When the subject should be speaking for herself, the "we" is less reliable and should be noted.

Review some of the analysis for the pronoun "we" in statements. Note in particular, the statemnts of Tiffany Hartley, who, even when alone and not speaking for another, slipped into the "we" often.

http://seamusoriley.blogspot.com/2010/10/hartley-transcripts-from-jane-velez.html
Sometimes a witness wants to become part of a famous case and will read what the subject claimed to have happened, and attempt to duplicate it as a "witness" and will, by necessity, need the perception of strength by using the "we" and speak for another; sometimes a spouse. Did a witness attempt to buttress credibility by its employ? Did a subject speak for a spouse who was not present (even deceased) and unable to speak for himself? Did the subject rely heavily upon the "we" rather than the "I"?

Separating spouses often gives very different accounts.

Every statement begins with circling the pronouns.

"We" is one which should always catch our attention.

It may show cooperation, plurality, and often times, weakness.