Protecting Our Kids At All Costs

By: Gaétane F. Borders, Ed.S., ABD

I recently attended a 5k walk to honor the memory of Shaniya Davis, a little girl who was murdered by a pedophile after her mother sold her to him.  It’s a story that touched the hearts of so many around the world and garnered a significant amount of news media.  However, it has been a year since her tragedy and the television stations are no longer covering her story.  The newspapers and magazines no longer have her beautiful face as the cover image.  And many people have forgotten how they felt the first time they heard of her sadistic and gruesome murder.  Part of the reason for this is likely because people do not believe that something like this could ever happen to their family.

The sad truth is that sexual abuse and sexual exploitation is far more frequent than most acknowledge.  While Shaniya’s reported pedophile was not known to her, most individuals who molest children are known to them.  They are very slick and manipulative in their approach. They "groom" the child into thinking that they are trustworthy, and gradually involve children in inappropriate acts. Later they often threaten to harm the child or their family members if they do disclose. Victimized children often won't tell because they are afraid that they will not be believed, or feel guilty that they may have, in some way, been responsible for the abuse. Now, all of this is compounded with the fact that more often than not, it is a parent who is committing the abuse. In this case, a child may not want to tattle.

So what can you do as a parent? Be attuned to any changes in your child's behavior because this will tell you a lot! Young children will often regress by wetting the bed, sucking their fingers, or not eating. Elementary school age kids often demonstrate excessive fear of certain people, masturbate excessively, have nightmares, or will withdraw from people. In the teen years, kids may become promiscuous, experiment with drugs, be depressed, and may also have suicidal thoughts. You should be concerned if you see any of these behaviors, and begin asking questions.  Also equally important is to understand that not everyone should be trusted with or around your children…whether or not they are related to you.  When it comes to your child, you should only trust a few people…and even still, watch like a hawk to ensure their safety.

If your son or daughter tells you that they have been abused, BELIEVE THEM! It is extremely rare for a child to lie about this. Keep in mind that the way that you react to this will help determine how your child will heal. Tell them that you are proud that they had the courage to tell you, and that it was not their fault. They really do need to hear this! In addition, make sure that they receive counseling to address their trauma because it will have life long ramifications if not treated.

If you were abused, and are finding it difficult to find inner peace... just remember that you do not have to let your trauma define who you are. Despite what happened to you, it is possible to live and love without pain. Your healing process may be difficult, but happiness is attainable.

Sincerely,

Gaétane F. Borders, Ed.S., ABD                                  

2011: The Year of Expansion, Prepare Now!

By Jillian Maas Backman

We are quickly approaching upon the last 30 days of year’s end, 2010. This should be signaling your inner self to prepare for some good old fashion reflective moments. Unfortunately, that time arrives spontaneously around midnight on New Year’s Eve. Only then, it becomes a peer- pressured hurried task of index, file, and by default, repeat. We jot down the first “opportunities” that comes to our heads on what we want to create differently in 2011. With no sincere intentions of following through on our so-called “New Year’s Resolutions.” Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we all decided to break from this habit and do something out of the ordinary? For instance, start the process RIGHT NOW!

The greatest holiday gift you could give yourself this year is the gift of Proactive Contemplation. Literally, force yourself to detach from the barrage of holiday hustle and bustle. Seize the next 30 days to become selfishly insightful. Annex yourself from the culture- imposed expectations of gifting only to others. The cost for such a worthy present to yourself is minimal compared to the trade-offs if you do not. Potentially losing you in the expectations of pleasing others, it is so easy to push our needs to the bottom of the shopping list. However, there are eventual consequences from this type of personal neglect. Over time, our gifts become tainted by hidden negative attitudes. If you throw a sliver of self-honored gratitude in the basket for yourself among the gift buying, your entire way of thinking will shift immediately.

True proactive contemplation is about taking an intuitive stock of the last year and applying that same intuitive sensibility into the next. The way to figure out what that entails is by examining two energetic influences that affect all human beings. The first is always your own intuitive soul searching. The second is a bit more subjective from the outside world. It is the soulful energy of the year in passing and the year forthcoming. For our purpose, only two years in particular 2010 and 2011.

Every year contains its own energetic theme. It is widely understood there is some kind of energy surrounding all living creatures. Many refer to this as an energetic sphere. We have all felt some kind of strange sensation when intersecting with someone’s energy circle. This kind of energy is not exclusive to living objects. It applies to other items as well, and in this case, years. A good example of this right now is the enormous discussions about 2012. It is just a year like any other, but great conversations are being discussed all over the planet about the “energy” that goes along with this year in particular. In actuality, this kind of energetic essence applies to all years.

Year 2010 is a time of substantial transitions. A year filled with modifications, alterations, and changeovers of all proportions. Transitional years bring exaggerated highs, lows and leave behind a wake of uncertainty. There is a tendency to lose sight of accomplishments quickly because the awards are not immediately apparent. Thus, creating a life in “continuous limbo.” Social challenges remain unsettled and relationships evolve with undefined closures. The most obvious transitional unpredictability was the way in which the economic hard times hit many Americans personally. Even global indicators are signaling the identical patterns of an energetic shakeup. There was a cohesive political voice screaming for economic revisions. We were soulfully smitten by the engagement announcement of two significant world figures, Prince William and his lovely bride to wed next year. A subtle nudge from the universe to awaken our dormant romantic heart center within each one of us. All of these experiences designed to channel our energies towards achievements in 2011.

Do not be deceived by this transitional energy. If you were one that seized the last months to do the grit work, you will thrive with the energy associated with 2011. Keeping your head down, following the destined path with un-coached perseverance, you have insured success in laying the groundwork for the coming months. You will be very pleased that you vesting the time it took to lay this tedious track wisely. Your endeavors will expand three fold. On the other side, if you are one of those who stood back and watched your destiny track pass, there will be a few more challenges in the coming year.

I believe 2011 will be a year of expansion. A year jammed packed with intriguing contradictions. Expansion years pick up where they left off the year before. In other word, any personal, professional, or spiritual seeds sown this year will root and prosper in the next. If you are one of those people who dedicated efforts towards sincere goals, expect the process to open up. On the counter side, if you are in the group that decided not to partake in significant transitional work, expect expansion of a different kind. As the old adage goes: What you reap is what you sow. You can be the true judge of this in your heart for the coming year. Expansive years are known for bringing with it buckets of hopefulness. There will be barrels of new beginnings and healthy quarreless closures. Optimism will be available to enjoy and global confidence will begin to re-inflate slowly throughout the year. Personal soul work will continue to be at the forefront leading the pack ONLY if we choose it. Our pretentious veils will continue to shear away. Lovingly exposing the uncovered truth of who you are for everyone to witness. Take the moments we all have left in this year to prepare for the dawning of next.

This is not the year for categorizing everything into a strength or weakness.

For the most part, you will end up more frustrated with the progress than you originally thought. Many times people have a tendency to hastily miss-label both strengths and weaknesses. This is especially true for energies during transitional times. There is no way of gauging genuine success until enough time pass to compose a qualified assessment.

I want you to look over the past months as if you were playing a rousing game of chess on a chessboard. This game requires well thought out strategic moves for the sole purpose of winning the game. Apply this same logic here.

What transitional strategic moves did you open this year?

Break them down into three categories. Personal, professional, and most importantly soulfully. Rank all three in order by which you transitioned the most. From there, take each individual category and describe in one- line sentences the most significant experiences you consider unfinished business. I suggest no more than four or five key moves in each category. After you have completed that task, place the punctuation of a semi colon (;) at the tail end to every item listed. This symbolic punctuation represents in the literary world a continuation of the prior phase. Here we are using it to represent the continuation from the transitional year into the expansive year. How are you going to expand your individual efforts into the future? Go back to your original written list and add the 2011 expansion statement to every sentence after the semi colon. After you complete this task, you will feel energized about the work in progress. See the pattern develop before your eyes and an authentic plan of action for 2011.

My personal request for all of you.

While penning your list for the coming year please include one significant selfless expansive task you will in act for the good the universe.

“One can only achieve their greatest dreams with the assistance of others.”

Here is the good news;

You have been fore- advised on the pending year ahead. Those of you in despair and feel you need to adjust your visions accordingly to capture the essence of expansion you still have thirty day in which to do it. Those of you, who feel this year was filled with useless idleness, fear not. You might have simply over looked your transitional achievements.

In holiday grace, Jillian Maas Backman 

http://jillianmaasbackman.com

The Burden of Expense Falls on Families of the Missing

By Glendene Grant, Jessie Foster's Mom

Editor's note:  This article is for those of the general public who think "this can't happen to me."  Life has a funny way of changing in the blink of an eye for a victim of any crime, but for a mother whose child is missing, whether that child is 5 or 50, life becomes a totally new reality.  Not only does a mother spend every waking hour searching, but the act of searching comes at a huge financial expense for families and communities, one that many can not afford.  There are no victim assistance funds set up for families of the missing, they must carry that burden alone, only with the support and aid of  missing persons organizations and private citizens who care and support their efforts.  It's too heavy for some.  Glendene Grant speaks not only for herself, but for the thousands of families with missing loved ones trying to get by in a bad economy with this added expense.  What would you do?


I urge you to leave comments with ideas of solutions.  Glendene Grant and those in her position have many supporters and those who pray for them, however, now they need concrete solutions, so if you are inclined to leave a comment for her, let it be something that also contains an idea on how to lift some of the financial burden so she and other families of the missing can figure out how to survive.

Most of you know that I am the mother of a missing woman. You know that Jessie Foster is an international endangered missing woman and the victim of human trafficking. But what you may not know is this . . .

Emotionally: we are completely spent – overdrawn, as you can imagine.

Spiritually: we are fortunate to have many people who are there for us, helping us stay strong.

Financially: we are drained . . . barely hanging on by the skin of our teeth and in some instances, we have lost our hold.

I would appreciate it so much, if somehow, the Canadian government could help us out with the costs involved with having a missing loved one for nearly 5 years - FOR NEARLY HALF A DECADE!! The income stops, (temporarily for some and permanently for others . . . who can work when this happens?) but the bills don't. The everyday bills keep piling up.

And then there are all the new bills – for private investigators; trips to meet with investigators or to identify bodies; money for paper and ink to make posters; hundred if not thousands of long-distance phone calls; you name it, we have to pay for it. It is very overwhelming.But who do I have to turn to? No one. Sadly, there is no one to help me. 


Thankfully we have done a lot of fundraising, but it is a lot to keep asking of my small community. We have done most of the fundraising here in Kamloops, BC, with a few in Calgary, AB and Edmonton, AB – there was even a yard sale in Surrey, BC back in the summer of 2006. It has certainly helped, but it is just not enough.

I have spent all my money and much of my time trying to find my own daughter and to prevent this from happening to others. I volunteer my time to go into high-schools with Crime Stoppers to educate the students about human trafficking. I do all I can to combat this horrific crime, and then I go home to no groceries in my home; rent not paid; BC Hydro, Teresan Gas, Shaw Cable & Internet and Telus threatening to shut off  my services (Telus did disconnect my long distance due to their own error – and without crediting me for this horrible inconvenience, so I finally got rid of them and I have got Shaw phone now). I have no credit cards, because I had no money to pay them and so now I also have to deal with my credit being in the toilet.

The list goes on and on, and until now, I have not sat around whining and complaining much about it, but I do feel that I have the right to sometimes, so I am letting it out now. I am tired of not being able to cook a decent meal or make some cookies because my grandchildren are coming over, or for the life of me - TO BUY MY BEAUTIFUL GRANDCHILDREN A BIRTHDAY PRESENT. I can't even do that at this time of my life. After years . . . after decades of working and providing for my family, I now cannot even provide for myself.

PLEASE, help me get some justice for Jessie and some help for me. I really can't keep on going like this, but I know I will. No matter what, I WILL FIND JESSIE, OR DIE TRYING.

Again, thank you all for your time and prayers, and remember, with Christmas coming, we have another hurdle to get over. Christmas 2005 was the last day that I ever laid my eyes on my daughter. Christmas is hard enough when you have a missing child, but with that day marking the ‘anniversary’ (for lack of a better word), sadly, it can be one of the worst days of the year. And without money to pay bills, there is certainly no money to celebrate the holiday.

I am putting my Christmas 2010 message to Jessie below.

Sincerely, Jessie’s mom Glendene Grant.

---

To my Jessie-Bessie:

2010 . . . another Christmas without you here. Five Christmases of not knowing but never forgetting. I will always remember my last sight of you, it was on Christmas Day 2005 – SIX CHRISTMASES AGO. You were going into the Kamloops airport and you flew away, to the fate that awaited you, a fate that no one knew or saw coming, except maybe you, my girl.

We think of you and talk about you every day – I even talk TO you almost every day. We all miss you so much, but your sisters miss you like only a sister can. Crystal needs her little sister back, she needs you to be there in her life again. And your little sisters are both mothers now. Katie has a little boy Jacobus James, or JJ, who is almost 2 and Jennee has two little girls, Maddison Louise, or Maddie, is almost 3 and Ilianna Joy, or Ili, is almost 1. They are the most wonderful, beautiful, joyful little children you could ever know. Your little sisters need their big sister Jessie to know their babies. Their babies know you, sweetie. They love you already, and we promise you, no matter what, they will know you as we do.

We all love you baby and we all need you back. And always know this, sweet daughter of mine, I WILL FIND YOU . . . OR DIE TRYING.I love you baby-girl, love Mom. xoxoxoxox

Colton Harris-Moore: Defense Attorney's Arrogant Threats to Bankrupt 2 Counties

By Heidi Hiatt

Colton Harris-Moore’s defense attorney has threatened to bankrupt Island and San Juan Counties if they prosecute him on their soil. Instead, John Henry Browne would like to consolidate all charges and have them dealt with at the federal level.

These two counties, so far, seem to be disagreeing with that stance, and I applaud them for standing their ground. Given that the bulk of Harris-Moore’s victims reside in these counties, he should face trial there. While there are no guarantees, I would like to believe that this criminal will stay in prison longer if he doesn’t get a package deal at the federal level.

Remember, Browne appears to be painting his client as an oblivious boy who spends his time drawing pictures in solitary. He emphasizes his client’s youth, shyness, cooperativeness, and supposed desire to sell his story to pay back his victims. While there may well be significant truth to these statements, don’t forget that this man is a paid spin doctor who’s looking out for #1.

Browne’s arrogance is annoying. The Herald article not only quotes him as saying that he will bankrupt the counties that have a right to call his client on the carpet, he claims that his client will never see decades of prison time because he has a good lawyer.

This is not the first time I’ve been annoyed by Browne’s arrogance. As a domestic violence victim dealing with death threats years ago, I was investigated and interviewed by Browne. I was not intimidated by him and had nothing to hide, but I was outraged at items I heard about myself in the media that were not true.

For example, Browne told reporters that my then-spouse had asked me for a divorce, and I’d made up the allegations against him in response to that. Whether he came up with that or that’s what his client told him, I don’t know. But it was completely untrue, and on top of the stress of trying to leave a bad relationship, I had to deal with that grandstanding.

It would have been to his benefit to say less, not more, and as Island County Prosecutor Greg Banks pointed out, that may be true in this case as well. Harris-Moore has a lot to answer for and I’m sure many people see both the downplaying of his offenses and the blatant threats to take down two county governments as the transparent tactics they are.

You know what, Mr. Browne? On behalf of the many people in Island and San Juan Counties who have either been directly victimized by Harris-Moore or lived in fear for their homes and children, bring it. You may be good at what you do, but your threats aren’t going to scare anyone off.

Guys like Greg Banks and Randy Gaylord (Island and San Juan County prosecutors) have already considered the risks and benefits of trying these cases on their home turf. If they decide to go along with other jurisdictions and leave Harris-Moore’s fate up to the feds, it’s probably not going to be because you’re beating your chest.



In the moral sphere, every act of justice or charity involves putting ourselves in the other person’s place and thus transcending our own competitive particularity. –C.S. Lewis

Colton Harris-Moore, the baby faced, narcissitic teenage thief who rampaged across the country stealing, and became something of a cult figure before he was finally caught.  To read more on Harris-Moore, go to Heidi Hiatt's previous article.  http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/search?q=colton+harris+moore

Talking With Your Teen About Teen Dating Violence…It’s Never Too Early Or Late

By Anny Jacoby

The teen years can be a difficult time for kids and parents. The teen dating scene can be especially challenging and complicated. Keeping communication open with your teen is the best preventative measure for violent teen dating. There are warning signs to look for and ways you can help your teen through this rough period in their life.

The majority of problems in teen dating violence occur against teen girls. As a parent, set an example for your teen. If you are in a violent or abusive relationship, it is tough for teens to realize that violence in dating is not acceptable. Teens and kids learn by example. Encourage your children to have healthy and loving relationships by setting an example for them in your personal relationships.

Girls can learn that it is acceptable to be yelled at by their date if they see it at home, just as boys can may think it is acceptable to be aggressive with their date if they see it at home. Being good role models will decrease the chances of your teen becoming involved with someone who is aggressive and disrespectful. Couples argue from time to time. Try to keep marital arguments out of ear shot of your teens whenever possible. Demonstrate to your teen how to argue fairly and show respect for one another even if there are disagreements from time to time in the marital relationship.

Parents can help teens by talking to them about the type of violence that sometimes happens in teen dating. Violence can be physical or emotional. When the abuse is emotional, kids often dismiss the violence in their dating relationships. Many teens do not even realize that emotional abuse exists. The kids are not mature enough to know what behaviors are considered emotional abuse. Unfortunately, the kids think that the emotional abuse is normal. Before teens begin dating, talk to them about respect and tell them how to recognize the signs of emotional abuse. If they understand what emotional abuse is, they will know that it is wrong and not a normal part of dating. Parents should remember that dating and relationships are completely new to teens.

Most people realize that hitting, slapping, shoving, kicking, spitting, biting and so forth are violent behaviors. These behaviors are all too common in violent teen dating. Emotional abuse can include name calling, humiliation, hurtful sarcasm and being threatened. Both types of violence are often hidden from parents, friends and teachers. The kids suffering from the violence can feel shame and embarrassment. They do not want to tell anyone that there is a problem. Some teens do not even realize that it is not part of normal dating. We have to teach children what is acceptable and not acceptable in a personal relationship.

Anny Jacoby is the President of The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company

and

Project Safe Girls

Personal Safety E

xpert/Coach and a

Certified Instructor

in the S.P.E.A.R. system.

When Sexual Perverts Pretend to Protect Us

By Charles Moncrief

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all . . . are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted . . . deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. . . .from the Declaration of Independence

John F. Kennedy was assassinated during a parade while riding in a convertible on November 22, 1963. Presidents now ride in bulletproof vehicles with darkened windows because our nation has reacted to the threat posed by this incident.

Pope John Paul II was shot and critically wounded on May 13, 1981. Popes now ride in hideous-looking vehicles with bulletproof canopies because the Vatican reacted to this incident.

On September 11, 2001 several commercial airline jets crashed in a coordinated terrorist attack. The United States government continues to react by increasing security measures at airports and on board commercial flights. The public will never know the true effectiveness of these measures, because some of the success is due to secrecy in several aspects of the screening process.

It would be foolish to credit these security measures as the sole reason for the absence of terrorist-related deaths on airline flights, just as it would be foolish to discount their role. But irrespective of the degree of their success, they have come at a high price.

The added security measures at airports in the United States are largely responsible for huge losses of liberty for American citizens who fly on the commercial airlines.

With each new security action by the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) a noose is further tightened around the necks of the flying public. Accompanying each announcement of a new TSA action is a report on the nightly news, followed by an obligatory interview with someone in an airport terminal who supports the action. The field reporter finds some passenger who says “I support anything to make my flight safer.” Every time I watch these interviews, I double over with nausea. The “man on the street” interview is intended to show American citizens’ willingness to sacrifice personal liberties and Creator-endowed rights in return for the possibility of increased safety and security. With no pretense of tact on my part, I’m surprised that our living veterans of World War II are not weeping when they see how cheaply are squandered the liberties they fought so hard to preserve. It’s also alarming that the person in the interview is willing to forfeit freedoms that his or her children and grandchildren will never get back, and all for the appearance of increased safety. The flying public is now being subjected to more indignity than ever, with lost time and lost money all under the pretense of “United We Stand.”

While the indignities are becoming progressive, they normally would not merit reporting on this site. My reason for doing so is that the latest atrocity inflicted on the flying public has now crossed the line into sexual abuse.

Approximately a year ago I learned that full-body scanners were being installed at some airports. The news magazines dutifully carried the government's lies, assuring that the images were not electronic strip-searches, and showing pictures that resembled mannequins on a video monitor. Every attempt has been made to conceal the fact that these mannequin-type images were anatomically correct! Now, in a recent World Net Daily article (http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=226533) it is coming to light that these images are so revealing that some TSA officials are drooling as they view them.

TSA is continuing to press their version of the story, insisting that the images are “family friendly,” and that an air traveler who feels that the enhanced touching is inappropriate can call for a law enforcement officer. These bon mots are intentional deceptions. What passenger, desperately trying to catch a plane, has factored in enough time to call the police following inappropriate fondling by a TSA official? Add to this the fact that the airport is the home turf of the TSA official and the local police, so the odds are likely that it becomes your word against the agent’s.

An even further atrocity is the airline passenger’s option not to be body-scanned by these devices. The alternative is to have the entire body patted down by a government official, and the passenger does not always get to choose the gender of the official who does the fondling. Quoting from the above link: “One woman described how agents grabbed and twisted her breasts.” Here is a link to video testimony of a woman subjected to egregious treatment by officials:

http://wewontfly.com/question-tsa-risk

Here is another link relating to the comments of a flight attendants’ union spokesperson who said the searchers “actually make contact with the genital area.”

http://www.abc15.com/dpp/lifestyle/travel/flight-attendants-union-upset-over-new-pat-down-procedures

I’ll spare you the details about the possibilities of cavity searches, and the means that may likely be used to accomplish them. You’re probably already angry at me for the bluntness of my manner of presenting these atrocities.

If you’re not yet angry at me, I’m about to change that. If you are angry, I’m sure this will anger you further. Were you ever one of those who lost patience with people who objected to the loss of privacy in airport searches? Did you answer with something resembling “If you don’t have anything to hide, why would you object?” Consider asking a woman being subjected to a cavity search, “If you don’t have anything to hide, why would you object? After all, someone may be hiding explosive powder or a plastic weapon this way.”

If this gets too personal, then I’ve succeeded in forcing some self-examination. (Oh my, what a poor choice of words!) But I sincerely hope that you will consider joining those who will stand up to a sexual perversion by our government with the words of Job 38:11a:

“Hitherto shalt thou go and no further.” (KJV)

Remember, governments -- including ours -- derive their JUST powers (emphasis mine) from the consent of the governed. Governments -- including ours -- derive their UNJUST powers from the inaction of the governed to stand against tyranny.

Please do not allow yet another encroachment on your children’s and grandchildren’s human rights.

Grace and Peace,

Charles+

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Here are some links brought out in the WND article:

Air Transport Association of America

http://www.airlines.org/pages/home.aspx

“We Won’t Fly”

http://wewontfly.com/about

Nudeoscope.com

http://www.nudeoscope.com/

Smarter Travel blog

http://www.smartertravel.com/blogs/today-in-travel/group-plans-national-opt-out-day-to-protest-airport-security.html?id=6240002

Editor's note:  It's good to see so many others giving attention to this issue.  This post was submitted before the mainstream media started making noise!

Killing with a Borrowed Knife: Stephen Nodine

By Susan Murphy Milano

The murder trial for Angel Downs begins right after the Thanksgiving holiday.

On May 9, 2010, 45 yr. old realtor, Angel Downs, was found shot in the head in her front yard in Gulf Shores, Alabama. Neighbors heard shots fired and saw former (very married) boyfriend and elected Mobile County Commissioner, Steve Nodine, leaving the scene in his county provided red pickup truck.

This guy is facing more federal charges than buckets on a bozo show. Sadly, in between federal gun charges, drugs, corruption, bribery, and whatever else I missed, the most important is the cold blooded and pre-meditated murder, in my opinion, of Angel Downs, whom he stalked, threatened, and, according to eye witnesses, shot.

Combined, these are heavy criminal acts of a person elected into office. It was a surprise that this "Alabama dickless wonder" had been granted bail! With a GPS bracelet, (what a joke) Stephan Nodine has been on "house arrest." He lives in an historic neighborhood, allegedly having parties with open bars, going to salons, courting women online (on sites such as Match.com) , getting possible paramours to drop by and meet him at church, all while his parole officer (Clay Marsal) refuses to cite him for violations. Then, we have those holding the reins of local media suddenly abstain from telling the public or doing an informative investigation about Stephen Nodine's blatant disregard for the law.

It was no surprise that when our own crime advocate and writer, Cherry Simpson, learned of this dangerous repeat offender's various freedoms in a community where she lives with her family, she was outraged. First, to think that a murderer, (sorry, in my opinion!) is walking into the same grocery store, salon, pharmacy, bank or gas station, where other women could fall prey, as he is trying to pick them up in the fruit section of a grocery store or when they are having a manicure, I would not feel very safe. Neither did Cherry Simpson, especially when the county was not properly monitoring the activities of "lady killer Stephen Nodine."

Cherry created a "Support Justice for Angel Downs" page, speaks to the woman's family and friends in order to have more media attention placed on the crime in hopes of removing the headline of "mistress" associated with a murder victim, and to ensure justice is properly served given the political climate and Nodine's unique ability in the art of deception.

Cherry Simpson wrote on "Time's Up!," spoke out, and was on a radio show or two regarding the murder. In July a radio show was scheduled, with members of the Downs family and Cherry Simpson, to discuss Angel and give her a voice because she had been silenced by a man who made a living at "killing with a borrowed knife." The family was threatened not to appear on the radio show, but the show went on and we went ahead with the broadcast, without the scheduled guests.

To "kill with a borrowed knife” means borrowing other people's power to help you eliminate a threat. When you lack power or don’t want to reveal yourself, you will borrow a "knife" (from an outside force) to eliminate a threat. By doing this, you are using other people's power for your own gain.

Cherry Simpson began as advocate/activist for victims of crime after her daughter was handcuffed, raped and severely beaten in 2006 by her former son-in-law. In 2008, when her former son-in-law was scheduled for early release from State prison in Illinois, she contacted me. I scheduled a meeting with the Will County State's Attorney and implemented various strategies, which included the media, ensuring her daughter's life remained safe without the threat of continued violence, or perhaps death.

Once her daughter's case closed and the person responsible sentenced by a judge, Cherry Simpson embarked on a road to assist others, including families of missing persons and cold cases. She tasted the victory of justice and Cherry Simpson wanted the same for other parents whose cries for help fell on deaf ears, often marked by a headstone in a grave yard. In December of 2009, just weeks after she became a writer here on "Time's Up!," her niece, Lacey Gaines, was brutally murdered. She continues to work on Lacey's case, keeping it in the public eye, until the person responsible is arrested and brought to justice.

Now, in my opinion, Cherry Simpson is being threatened, harassed and victimized by the defense attorneys representing Stephen Nodine in the upcoming December trial for the murder of Angel Downs.

Cherry and Larry Simpson were served a subpoena by Nodine's defense team demanding they appear at 8:30 a.m. on December 3, 2010 in Baldwin County, Alabama. This translates into a victims advocate publicly paying for blog writing activities and for trying to keep Nodine under a larger public spotlight. Why? Because they are angry for bringing national attention a case which they would like to stay quiet.

This is certainly a lot more attention given by authorities than what Angel Downs received while she was alive.

Angel tried to have police reports written and secure an order of protection from the courts; she was tired of the staking and threatening texts. Angel Downs spoke with high ranking officers for help and no one listened. Why? People with influence, power, and money almost always get away with, yes, even murder, until they are finally caught.

At first I thought ordering Cherry Simpson and her husband to appear in court for the defense could be a good thing for the murder case, but it's not for Cherry and her family. They must jump through hoops in their professional lives to show up and testify. For Angel Downs, this is a victory. This blog is responsible for the mainstream media focusing on the case. It also in my expert opinion outed the criminal activity of a serial offender, Stephen Nodine.

I would recogonize and thank others who worked along side Cherry Simpson, but they would also be served with a subpoena by the defense team representing Nodine.

A personal message to Mr. Nodine, from me, enjoy your Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays it will be your last until you are found guilty and sent to prison.

(Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology Education. For more information visit http://www.saferelationships.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth on http://www.therothshow.com/)

Investigation 101: Law Enforcement and Families Must Unite

By Tad DiBiase

As a former homicide prosecutor and now consultant on murder cases, I often hear complaints from victim's families about how they are treated by the police. The complaints repeatedly center on a number of issues.

• First, that the police aren't providing the family with enough information or that they fail to keep the family in the loop on where the investigation is. 
• Second, families complain that the police haven't followed up on the leads they've provided. 
• Third, families complain that the police don't want to accept help from outside parties, be they other law enforcement agencies such as the FBI or state investigative bureaus or retired detectives or consultants and third party search groups. 

It has always struck me that in going behind these complaints, that both the victims' families and the police are partially to blame for these complaints. But more importantly, the solution to these complaints is often straightforward. 

First, it is incumbent upon the police to keep the family informed. Whether the investigation is a day old, a year old or a decade old there should be regular communication between the lead investigator and a family member. The family should assign one member to handle the police communications so the police aren't bogged down by replying to several different family members. Having one member keeps the communication clear and enables the police to tell others who inquire about the investigation to contact that family member. 

Obviously the longer an investigation goes on, the more infrequent the communications but it's hard to imagine any investigation (this is a murder after all) that doesn't warrant a call to the family once every two to three months. 

Second, the complaint that the police aren't following up particular leads can have merit. Police do often fail to really listen to the family about who may be responsible for a loved ones death. Investigators need to constantly go back to the family and ask, "Is there anything we missed? What else or who else is out there?" Often leads come to family well after the victim's murder or disappearance when a guilty conscience finally gets to someone. On the other hand, families need to let the police do their job. They are paid and trained to investigate and even a rookie police detective has more training to do an investigation than virtually any regular citizen. Often investigative methods are so sensitive to reveal them even to a family member can jeopardize their success. 

Finally, yes the police are often reluctant to seek outside help. Whether it's true or not (and I suspect it's usually not) the FBI has a reputation for taking over a case and leaving the local law enforcement authorities behind. However, virtually any investigation, especially as leads grow cold, can benefit from fresh eyes and most small departments are ill equipped to handle complex, long term cold cases. 

Having faced skeptical police departments myself during my role as a consultant, it's obvious that many departments ask themselves about the motives of any volunteer. "You in this to help or to get your name in the paper?" Any non-law enforcement group should be viewed skeptically but there are groups that want to help without pay or glory. 

In the end, a fractured relationship between a family and the investigating authorities makes a challenging case even more difficult to solve. And in the end, both families and law enforcement want the same thing: justice. 

Tad DiBiase is a former US Attorney who has successfully prosecuted cases of murder without a body.  To learn more, visit Tad's website:  http://nobodycases.com

External Locus of Belief: Is it True, is it REALLY True?

by Sandra L. Brown, M.A.

In psychology, we refer to the belief about where control over events in our lives resides as 'internal and external locus of control'. This means we see our behaviors either generated by personal efforts or by destiny. We believe that we make things happen or we believe others do it for us whether we like it or not. 

But also related to internal and external locus of control is its effect on impulse motivation. This means that a person who has internal locus of control can self regulate their impulses and desires themselves. They find their motivation for behavior, choices, and reactions inside of themselves by themselves. (By the way, pathologicals normally have poor internal locus of control except for brief periods of time when they are conning someone. One of the true signs of pathology is poor impulse control).

Other people who have external locus of control (like the pathologicals) are not self regulated in their behavior, choices, and reactions inside of themselves. Instead, they look outside themselves for motivation and consequently since they don't regulate themselves well, outside themselves for limits on their behaviors. People with poor internal locus of control often need the external world to regulate themselves for them---unfortunately this is often the legal system, jail, or some kind of negative consequence.

But today, I am talking about internal and external locus of belief systems. Where is your belief system (especially about the pathological) located? Is it inside you or externally in others? Do you come to understand, see, and accept his pathology within yourself? Do you read materials, go to counseling and then come to believe and hold that belief in you that he is pathological, can't change, and destructive to your own future? Are you able to pull up inside of yourself the facts of his dangerous or misleading behavior in your relationship? Are you able to point to the ways in which he has been destructive to others? Are you able to latch on to his diagnosis and use it as a life raft for yourself to drift away from him?

OR, are your beliefs externally hinged? "If you say so Sandra--if you say he's pathological, then I guess he is." "If he scored high on the P-scan (developed by Dr. Robert Hare) then I suppose that is correct...."  Statements like these are related to people who have external locus of belief. They don't really believe it themselves; they are hinging their belief system to someone else's belief systems--usually mine or another expert in pathology. Somewhere along the line they haven't really 'come to believe' that the pathology is his. It's still some distant reality 'labeled' by a therapist but you don't own it inside your self. This makes accepting it, reallllyyyyyy accepting it, hard for you because you then need to be reminded every 30 seconds that he is in fact, permanently pathological. Once you are out of ear range of a therapist or some other external validating system (books, DVDs, CDs, etc.) will you still accept his pathology?

'Coming to believe' pathology is a hard thing. It's a shock to learn that someone you thought was the most wonderful person in the world is secretly very, very (did I say very?) sick.  NOT only do you have to believe that the person is very, very (did I say very?) sick, but that sickness has no cure. Not only are they sick and have no cure, but staying around them is detrimental to your own (and your children's) mental health. Not only that they are sick, have no cure, staying around them is detrimental to your own mental health but they have all the capacities of breaking both your knee caps--either financially or even physically given no conscience. This is a big wad to swallow all at once with no chaser of hope.

Most people need a time of 'coming to believe' -- it's like building faith in anything else--we study and come to believe. Pathology is the same way--you need some education, some time to digest this big wad of bad news, and some time to work a plan of 'accepting the things I cannot change.' Almost everyone who faces the fact of pathology in someone else has this same 'coming to terms' process. We expect it.

But, there is also the problem of when you don't ever come to truly accept it and then hinge your belief system about his pathology on some external person, organization, or book. The Institute can not be your belief system (He's pathological because Sandra says so). If after a few months, that belief system doesn't become internal for you (I know this to be self evident, that he is pathological and for all of these reasons....) then you're in trouble for potential relapse.

Just like in external locus of control explained above, external locus of belief stands in the same jeopardy--that someone else can't be responsible for what you do with what you know (or what you don't come to accept).  That your pathology destiny is not in The Institute's hands--it's in yours. That whether you ignore the info and go back is entirely up to you---not a support group, not a book, not a program or a retreat--just your destiny in your hands.

If your locus of belief is still external and it doesn't shift and become internal--just know this is a risk factor for you. Holding the belief system steady is the challenge of overcoming cognitive dissonance. When it doesn't get over come eventually, either you learn to do what the 12 Steppers call 'Fake It 'Til You Make It' (do it 'til you believe it) or face the rising statistics that you're likely to believe the internal chatter and make a Bee line back.

http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com

The Land of Never Enough

By Neil Schori

I don't know about you, but I never seem to have enough.  Most of my months have a few days left in them when my paycheck ends.  My house feels like a zoo at least half of the time because I've got 5 people under a roof made for 2.  Sometimes when I look around these affluent suburbs, I can convince myself that I'm the only person around here that isn't a CEO of a Fortune 500 company.  Never enough.  Can you relate to any of this?

But when I slow down, I become aware that the truth is really different than my lying perception and my fickle heart.  I'm getting ready to leave for Haiti in a few days to serve some of the world's poorest people and then two days after I return, I'll be with my family celebrating Thanksgiving.  I need this desperately.  Both of these events will be such beautiful reality-checks for me and keep me grateful for what I do have in the land of "never enough." 

Right now, I want to tell you about two things that make my heart nearly burst with joy.  The first is you.  I'm deeply honored to journey alongside all of you passionate seekers of justice for victims of domestic violence.  

Without all of you, the journey would not have the same meaning.  Why?  Because we were made for relationship.  We were never meant to walk this road in isolation.  Just ask any victim of domestic violence what her perpetrator's main tool was and you'll discover quickly that she was forced out of all of her meaningful relationships so that her abuser could in effect control her every move.  Isolation breeds confusion and fear.  Relationships bring the truth to light.

I'm also incredibly thankful for my DNA.  I'm not talking about my parents here, but I am thankful for them too.  The genetics I'm talking about are more enduring than an earthly blood-line.  I'm an advocate for the abused and oppressed because I have a Savior that has shown me the Way.  

Over 2,000 years ago, Jesus came down to Earth.  He lived a perfect life even while dealing with all of the things that make me angry and cynical and at times completely unpleasant to be around.  He showed me that I don't have to fight for my own way.  I no longer have to "look out for #1."  He showed me that real life...not the "life" that comes from the land of "never enough," but the kind of life that makes you know why you were made to be in this world...comes from selfless service and sacrificial love.  He showed me that selflessness always trumps self-serving.  And this Jesus died for my sins so that I could be forgiven of all the wrong that I've ever done.  I'm an advocate because Jesus was my Advocate first.

Take some time to slow down over the next couple of months in between your over-eating and Black Friday shopping, and think about those things that make you truly grateful.  I would bet that not one thing on your list can be bought.  Tonight, while I'm engulfed in the artificial light of this computer monitor, I'm thankful for the real light you fighters for justice have brought to my life.  And I'm profoundly aware of the God who loves me and called me to real life and such meaningful work.

With a Grateful Heart,

Neil 


Editor's note:  Neil is now in Haiti.  You can follow him on Twitter ( @neilschori ) or leave a comment here on the blog, I'm sure he will appreciate your support.

“Ask Me No Questions and I’ll Tell You No Lies”

By Donna Gore, M.A. 

There is no denying a survivor of crime’s pain no matter what form it takes, whether it is homicide, stalking, assault, domestic violence, a hate crime, home invasion, kidnapping etc., they all represent long lasting violations on the human condition.

However, as a homicide survivor, I cannot stand in judgment of those who have experienced any one of these types of crimes. For me to pre-suppose and say I have “walked in their shoes” would seem somewhat arrogant. Why....? ‘Because an apple is not identical to an orange….. My environment, education and life experience is unique unto me and therefore, I cannot say “I know what you are going through” in the true sense. But, we do have commonalities. This is what keeps me humble, for I really don’t have any idea what anyone is burdened with on a day to day basis, irrespective of crime.

It struck me when reading about someone else‘s victimization recently that I cannot embrace everyone’s pain all of the time. I am one of the most compassionate people on earth. BUT, it cannot be squandered. In the language of professional therapists, I believe they refer to “compassion fatigue,” a type of burnout, as a very real pitfall in certain professions.

I raise these issues as I want to discuss the difference between “Victim” versus “Survivor” and “Entitlement” versus “Reality.” I can personally affiliate with a number of oppressed minorities should I choose to, at any given time. These include –female, LGBT community member, physically challenged member, homicide survivor, lefty/left-handed, person surviving a ridiculous number of surgical procedures as a child…..

Given all of these minority based affiliations, I am well aware of the difference between victims versus survivor.

I caution all survivors of crime, that if we are not careful to protect our psyche, we can easily step over the line.

According to the 2010 Random House dictionary a “Victim” can be: 


1) A person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency: (as in a victim of an automobile accident).

2) A person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency: (as in a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion).

3) A person or animal sacrificed or regarded as sacrificed (as in war victims).

4) A living creature sacrificed in religious rites.

(You can judge for yourself whether these are illuminating examples of “victim hood.” DRG)

I can attest to the fact that we are sufferers of destruction and injury, deceived and cheated, at times by our own emotions and sacrificed at the expense of others’ actions.

“Survivor” definitions that apply can be:

1) A person or thing that survives.

2) A person who continues to function or prosper in spite of opposition, hardship, or setbacks.

***The second definition, ladies and gentlemen, is what we strive for and the equivalent of the “Take Back the Night” rallies.

Entitlement Definition: To give (a person or thing) a title, right, or claim to something; furnish with grounds for laying claim.

(Such a definition appears hollow and without substance or context. DRG).

Aren’t we entitled to our rights as crime victims? Aren’t we entitled to our anger and respect? Aren’t we entitled to revenge…. Or to have our loved one back again…or our body and mind restored to health …or to feel safe again? We are entitled, aren’t we?

Contrast Entitlement with Reality, or the knowledge that life, indeed is more often “not fair” despite our best efforts. Survivors of crime eventually come to know that they cannot resolve the “why me why us” and must move on to address the “what next” instead!

So, when crime happens to you, what is your alternative? You sit around the circle of the support group and listen, or cry, or contribute. Alternately, you can become an advocate/activist or you can become stuck in your anger until it destroys the fiber of your being. You may also continue to deny, place blame on everyone else for your prolonged dysfunction or escape to a fantasy world. All of these negative responses feel like lies, as they are not “who we used to be.”

**But the bigger lie is to not place blame squarely on the perpetrator(s) and at times, the vulnerability and/ or unwise decisions of those murdered. It’s a slippery slope when you allow your emotions to become an indictment of society as a whole. You have so many conflicting emotions that you lose perspective.

In my opinion, the difference between being a victim and a survivor is huge. The key to crossing over to survivor status is motivation. I can say with certainty that we all start out as a victim- a victim of the event itself a victim of circumstances that follow, a victim of “the system.” And then, slowly but surely, if we are fortunate enough to receive support and counseling designed specifically for this experience, we see that wallowing in our own victimization ends up being worse than death itself and a luxury we cannot afford.

Rather, some of us realize that to use our grief toward positive outcomes for others is in itself immensely therapeutic…. and the only conceivable path for “a new day.”

So I say, carry on as best you can, healing more with each day looking forward and taking control of your life in the smallest of ways. To do otherwise, is giving power to the perpetrator(s) and sinking your soul into the abyss.

Respectfully Submitted,
Donna R. Gore, M. A.
Homicide Survivor from Connecticut

Follow the Yellow Brick Road-- The Road to Healing

By Pamela Chapman

Who hasn’t seen or read “The Wizard of Oz” a fairy tale, an innocent child’s fable. But is it? The metaphors, analogies, and symbolisms that are used in this film are unsurpassed. It was produced in 1939, in a time when sound and color film was cutting edge. Its message was loud and clear then and is still relevant today. Unfortunately, I can’t take the time in this piece to point out all the life metaphors I see—that would create a whitepaper. However, I’ll share what resonates in me this morning for you.

Do you remember how the Wizard of Oz begins? Dorothy is attempting to get her family, Uncle Henry and Auntie Em, to listen to her. Mrs. Gulch, the mean, intimidating woman who lives down the road is threatening to take away her beloved dog, Toto. No one has time to listen to Dorothy. There is no comfort, her matter isn’t important. “Don’t bother us now honey. Dorothy, we’re busy. Help us today by staying away.” She takes her concern outside to the farm hands and they, pretty much, give her the same. “Go away, we’re busy, we don’t have time for you.” Zeek goes a step further. “Dorothy use your brain in this matter, will ya?” They finally tell her to go someplace where she can’t get into any trouble. Is any of this beginning to sound familiar? That evening, Mrs. Gulch arrives at Dorothy’s home to take what she so dearly loves. “Please don’t let her take him, Auntie Em. It’s my fault. You can send me to bed without dinner.”

Mean old Mrs. Elvira Gulch takes Toto but he finds his way back. Dorothy fears authorities will be back for him so she runs away. In her running away, she runs smack into Professor Marvel, who knows the past, present, and the future. He consults with his crystal ball which he calls infinite wisdom. Professor Marvel in his wisdom convinces Dorothy to head home. He tells her that her family is grieved by her leaving and Auntie Em has become ill. Almost immediately, a horrific storm materializes quickly turning into a Tornado. Dorothy doesn’t make it to the storm shelter, ultimate safety, but makes it to her bedroom where she is hit in the head by broken window glass and wood due to the force of the storm.

From here, we are taken behind the veil—into Dorothy’s dark world of mind-chatter, donkey-talk, her subconscious Niagara Falls of fear, doubt, guilt, insecurity, low self-esteem worthlessness, and insignificance. We are allowed to see into her heavenly war. We see how she kills the “bad witch:” her enemy, her demon in her life only to discover there’s a bigger, worse “witch” to confront. First thing, the good witch Glenda attempts to make Dorothy define herself as evil or good. Duality is introduced. “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” “Neither,” she responds, but Glenda insists she must be and must recognize one or the other. After all, she’s killed the “bad witch.”

Dorothy shares with good-witch Glenda that she’s trying to find her way home; and, Glenda points her to the way—the yellow brick road. This magical road will take her to the Emerald City where she can then find out how to get there. (In angel work, when light workers call upon the angels to help with healing emotionally and/or physically, they envision their patients surrounded in emerald green light.)

Along her yellow-brick-road journey, she first meets Scarecrow who believes if he had a brain, he’d be smart enough to keep all the pesky pests from the field he’d been given to watch over. He’d be able to keep the field safe. “Dorothy, use your brain about this.” We are seeing Dorothy’s subconscious feeling of inadequacy and her guilt about not being smart enough to adequately protect what she so dearly loves, Toto. The two then meet the Tin Man on their journey who has been abandoned, hardened and rusted due to his inability to love. He believes if he had a heart, he could be gentle. Were not the words spoken to Dorothy, by her family, harsh and unloving planting in Dorothy the seeds of bitterness, low self-esteem, and unforgiveness? And, then there’s my favorite character Cowardly Lion. He’s all rough and tuff on the outside. In fact, he’s a bully; but as soon as he’s confronted, he breaks down and cries. He’s hurting big time on the inside. He believes if he only had courage he could be what he was purposed to be, King of the forest. All the characters, “characteristics” accompanying Dorothy, believe they are lacking, believe they are inadequate and unworthy. “If I… then I could.” The three: Tin Man, Cowardly Lion and Scarecrow represent the three Universal Fears: Fear of Abandonment, Fear of Unworthiness, and Fear that the world is unsafe. Together, they follow the yellow brick road—they seek the long road to healing. Off they go to find the Wizard of Oz for the answer.

Their journey is not an easy one. No, it’s quite challenging, in fact. They run into every dark thing: goblins, gargoyles, flying monkeys—lions, and tigers and bears oh my! When they finally set sight on the Emerald City, Dorothy falls into malaise. She becomes lethargic and falls into a sleep-like state. The closer they get to their answer, the closer she gets to her healing, the rougher it gets. It’s as if she’s made a demand on the universe and it appears as if all hell is breaking out. That is exactly what happens in life, but in actuality everything is going just right. Possibly, there’s even some self-sabotaging going on. When the four, and let’s not forget Toto who was the reason she’d gotten into all this hell in the first place, reach the Emerald Gate they are told by the gatekeeper to GO HOME! They are rejected. “No one can see the great one.” She pleadingly responds, “Then how can anyone know he’s there? I’ve got to see him.” Dorothy’s persistence and tenacity allows her access to the Wizard only to realize the path she was looking for, the answer to finding the road home—her healing—was within her all along. She had courageously faced her challenges or life teachers and won. To get back, all she had to do was believe.

The path back to our true selves, the journey to our healing is not always easy. No in fact, many times it is quite the opposite. We run into disappointments, disillusionments, rejections and tireless, seemingly unfair battles. When it seems like we’re about to have a breakthrough, something else breaks out. We almost always self-sabotage. Sometimes the path brings us to the point of wanting to give up and run away. Can the twisted, horrific storms, the hurricanes and the tornados of life be the very tools to bring us into wisdom, truth and purpose our ultimate healing?

No matter what you face, no matter how challenging the journey, remember Dorothy’s ultimate lesson. You lack nothing. Every good thing has already been prepared and given to you for your healing. No one can tell you what, no one can tell you how or even when; the answer is always within. You are in reality, there.

Don’t give up, don’t give in! If you follow your yellow brick road, asking for divine guidance, divine revelation, and divine intervention along your life path, you will WIN! You will find your way home, your healing. There’s no place like it!

In love, light & healing

Pamela

Pamela Chapman is the Founder of iAscend Programs.