A Memorial Day Tribute

By Charles Moncrief

The message of Michelle Simonsen’s November 13 article “WILL THE TRAGEDY IN FORT HOOD FINALLY SEND A S.O.S. (SAVE OUR SOLDIERS)?”
http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/2009/11/will-tragedy-in-fort-hood-finally-send.html
was eclipsed when investigators discovered that the shooting was a premeditated act of terror, rather than a military serviceman’s stress-related rampage. Michelle’s article deserves to be reread for its own merit. Since Memorial Day honors our fallen heroes, I wish first to honor the heroes from the Fort Hood shooting who deserve every bit the same recognition as those killed in any other form of combat.

Now I want to introduce you to Michael A. (“Mikey”) Monsoor, a man who gave his last full measure of devotion for his comrades in arms.

Navy Petty Officer and SEAL 

PO2 (Petty Officer, Second Class) 

MA2 (Master at Arms, Second Class) 

MICHAEL MONSOOR

Medal of Honor Recipient 

April 5th, 1981 - September 29th, 2006 

Petty Officer Second Class Michael Monsoor was stationed in 2006 at Ar Ramadi, Iraq. He had already earned the Silver Star when he and another Navy Seal rescued a wounded team member by pulling him through heavy gunfire to safety. On September 29 he was one of three Seals positioned strategically on a rooftop. A grenade, thrown from an unknown location, hit him in the chest. He was the only one of the three with an avenue of escape, but he made a different choice. He shouted “grenade” and wrapped his body around the device as it exploded. His heroism earned him the Medal of Honor.

Petty Officer Monsoor was buried at Ft. Rosecrans National Cemetery in San Diego on October 12. Nearly every Navy Seal on the West Coast was present at his funeral, as of course were those he saved with his sacrifice. The six pallbearers removed his rosewood casket from the hearse and began their march down the path to his grave. Lining the path were the Navy Seals, bestowing the traditional honor as the casket passed. Each Seal, in turn, removed his official insignia, the gold Trident Pin, from his uniform and slapped it down hard, embedding the pin into the top of the wooden casket. Then the Seal would step back from the casket and salute. The video of Petty Officer Monsoor’s funeral is at this link:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/monsoor.asp

This was a fitting end to an eternal send-off for a warrior hero. 

Rest assured that the fine men and women of our military will continue to serve and protect your freedom!

God bless and keep our troops safe!
Grace and Peace,
Charles+

The Celebrity Factor

 By Cynthia Caron

Have we become a society of reality shows  and celebrity status in which the juicer inside gossip and scandalous behavior the better? Is this truly the prerequisite for today’s television?  Last month I wrote about my thoughts on the Nancy Grace, Oprah and Jane Valez Mitchell Show.  I promised I would follow up with the outcome of my previous article. If you recall, I closed my topic with an invitation for any of the three shows to contact me to feature one missing person case.  I never received that call.  Naturally, had they phoned I may have had a difficult time in choosing which family I would have referred, however as things go I did not have to lose sleep over that decision.

I can honestly say that anyone I’ve talked with really has had no interest in the mistresses of Tiger Woods,  nor in Jesse James.  So why do those stories keep making it to the headlines? Doesn’t the public care to see if someone missing could be in their neighborhood?  Or want to know if someone is missing from their neighborhood how they can help? Could it be the channels that we are tuning into on our television sets? Or is that what the public really is asking for?  Drama and sensationalism?  I sure hope not and I am pretty confident that most celebrities are not eager to have their personal lives exploited over and again every night.

I also wonder if we have become a world in which celebrities are the epitome of satisfaction with the common folks of the world hoping to gain their attention?  At one time it was the other way around.  Celebrities hoped to capture our attention in order for them to succeed in whatever realm of acting they performed.  I guess times may have indeed changed.  Perhaps the public just feels the need to see the traumas that celebrities endure to somehow relate with them?  Cant’ the same public relate to the fears of a family who has no idea how their son or daughter just disappeared off the face of the earth? I wonder how many missing could be found if those same folks who tune into reality shows tuned into the real world, unscripted, and have empathy towards families of missing and demand that television broadcast more cases?

It’s like my mind will be forever boggled on how thousands of Twitter folks plucked away at their keyboards and twittered away for Jessica Simpson because her loved doggy was taken away by a coyote, yet only a handful of caring and compassionate folks retweet for missing people?   It’s certainly not because it is a taboo subject because I’ve seen hundreds twitter away for a missing friend of a celebrity who invariably was found.  Is it that people are just so infatuated with celebrities that there is some psychological satisfaction in having their name recognized by a celebrity for retweeting a doggy that surely was not going to be found safely? Why not the same zealousness for a missing human being?  While at it, why is it so difficult to find a celebrity willing to retweet a missing person? Giving credit where credit is due, in my year of twittering I can thank Dog The Bounty Hunter and Bill Zucker as they are truly the only ones that will take the time to retweet a missing loved one.  

I shouldn’t complain as one thing I can say for sure…those that follow me on Twitter are probably the best folks in the Twitter world. Why? Because they truly care about the missing and want to do whatever they can to help by retweeting for the families or just looking at my tweets to see if they may make recognition. For that I am thankful. They’re my celebrities.

(You can follow Cynthia Caron on Twitter @lostnmissing )

Cynthia L. Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.
PH: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.com

Tunnel Vision Deja Vu

By Randy McCall

Last week I found an interesting online article, posted on a Psychology Today blog by Mark White. This particular article, titled Tunnel Vision in the Criminal Justice System examined the work of several professors, which detailed how false convictions happen when investigators and prosecutors unconsciously decide that a particular individual must be the perpetrator.

In essence, the article says that law enforcement and prosecution, having committed to the idea that they have the criminal in custody, then views all following investigations, collected evidence and interrogations through a biased lens.

Findley uses this case as an example of tunnel vision in the criminal justice system, identifying mistakes made at each stage of the process that can be traced to common cognnitive biases. In Findley's words, "tunnel vision is the product of a variety of cognitive distortions, such as confirmation bias, hindsight bias, and outcome bias, which can impede accuracy in what we perceive and in how we interpret what we perceive" ("Tunnel Vision," p. 6).

Some quick definitions would be helpful here:

Confirmation Bias: from the article "Confirmation bias describes the natural human tendency to interpret new information in a way that confirms our pre-existing beliefs, to remember previous events in a way that confirms those beliefs, and to discount or discard information that challenges them"

Hindsight Bias: from the article "Hindsight bias describes another natural tendency to regard a past event as inevitable, or at least much likely than originally thought, after it is confirmed by later information. Otherwise known as the "knew-it-all-along" effect, it stems from the way we construct our memories of events, using all of the information gathered since the original occurrence to arrive at a much more definite causal chain of events than is objectively warranted."

Outcome Bias: An error made in evaluating the quality of a decision when the outcome of that decision is already known.

We can sum these up much more simply - if the article author will forgive me for the vast oversimplification - as:

• I believe what I've seen
• I've seen it all before
• It's always worked out for the best.

I was particularly interested in the list of cognitive distortions listed above, as - having my own cognitive biases - it immediately occurred to me that we could apply the Tunnel Vision effect to crime victims in-and-out-of the criminal justice system.

Let's call it Tunnel Vision Deja Vu.

Within some elements of society - and certainly within the judicial and reparation systems - there are a series of biases or beliefs about crime victims. Crime victims, viewed through this lens, are all assigned the same general thoughts, motivations and desires, despite their drastically different experiences, personalities, ethnic or cultural backgrounds, and religious or ethical persuasions.

Some of the more common stereotypes, which I'm sure you've read or seen before: Victims are weak, are damaged goods, are somehow at fault for - or caused - their own victimization, are always exaggerating, are attention seekers, are solely interested in vengeance, will always seek maximum penalties, are only interested in money, and so on.

Precisely how these beliefs developed is the topic for a much larger article. I can take a few educated guesses, however.

In some cases it's simply a matter of psychological self defense... for example, the belief that victims caused their own victimization springs from a refusal to believe that: "something bad could happen to me... I would never do that, therefore I am safe, and they were stupid".

In other cases, it could be the result of a very negative experience by judicial staff with a few victims. It's only human nature to remember the worst, not the best, about people, just as a defense: remember "Once burned, twice shy"? Of course, these staff are going to be the ones training new staff members, and sharing their experiences with peers. It doesn't take long for the worst possible examples to be passed around between offices, courts or regions. Over the years the few negative examples from different offices build up and become the base norm. This field is also particular susceptible to the "We know what's best for you" and "It's always worked out for the best" viewpoints. It makes life so much easier than tailor-making solutions.

Finally, some of these viewpoints can be based in the systemic policy of an agency, as is shown in great detail in Adding Insult to Injury, a report by the Ombudsman of Ontario on the Provincial Criminal Injuries Compensation Board, as well as in a UK report on their national Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority, Compensating Victims of Violent Crime. Both these reports found policies having staff to stonewall victim applications, to not give full information, and to treat all applications as suspicious (e.g they only want money), all in an effort to pay out as little compensation as possible. Unfortunately, what starts out as a policy, ends up as a bias.

Thus, while Tunnel Vision can drive innocent people into prison, for victims Tunnel Vision Deja Vu creates entire mindsets which then try to force victims of crime into pre-set molds, prepared expectations, assembly-line solutions, and pre-determined successful outcomes.

Time society took another look, don't you think?

Mexican Justice: Is There Such a Thing?

By Susan Murphy-Milano

What happens when a citizen of the US vacations in Mexico and something bad happens, something really bad, something violent, or worse, murder? We all think we have some grasp of how our own criminal justice system works; the bad guys are caught, charged, go to trial, are convicted and sentenced. Well, maybe in an ideal world.

In as much as we feel the justice system in the United States needs to be overhauled, changes in plea deals and light sentences, among other things, how many of us can truthfully say we know how the criminal justice system works in other countries? We love to vacation in Europe, Asia and Central and South America, many buying vacation property and retirement homes in third world countries, but what happens when trouble starts?

In April, Bruce and Monica Beresford-Redman agreed to take a trip to Cancun to help repair their marriage, which, by all accounts, was quite troubled. Many around Monica, including her family, didn't feel that Bruce was "sincere" he was up to something and acting strange. Monica's family warned her not to take the trip. Two young toddlers, 3 and 5 were vacationing with their parents while the couple embarked on, what Monica had hoped would be, a second chance; a second honeymoon with her husband, the producer for the hit tv show, "Survivor."

At what point did trouble start? In my opinion, it was when he began his premeditated plan, likely with some help, to elimate his wife and mother of his children in paradise in a foreign country. Pretty clever if you ask me.

What we do know for certain is the couple had serious problems. He was having an affair, in love with another woman and Monica wanted a divorce. This sick cowardly lion was not going to go quietly into the night. As an abuser will do when they are anrgy, or someone else other than them is attempting to call the shots to end a relationship, they look for a way to erase them from their lives. And, in my opinion, you can take it to the bank, that is exactly what happend.

Bruce Beresford-Redman reported his wife, Monica, missing after a night of arguing, as reported by others staying at the same hotel. Two days later her nude, beaten and strangled body was found in a sewer pipe near the resort where they were staying. When reporting her missing, it was noted by authorities that he had scratches and bruises on his body,was soon named a suspect and told not to leave Mexico until the evidence was gathered and investigated.

It was soon reported by E!Online that Beresford-Redman was "huddling with Eduardo Amerena, the noted criminal lawyer who successfully defended Duane "Dog" Chapman back in 2007, plotting a counterattack in the increasingly likely chance he is formally accused of slaying wife Monica and stuffing her body into a sewer." It was stated that he was going to say that Monica had been cheating on him, not he cheating on her! Oh yea, the old "blame the victim" routine! I guess he would be more believable stating that she was the "cheater" because she is no longer here to defend herself or to provide evidence to the contrary. Sounds very familar. It reminds us of the Stacy Peterson case. Who, by the way, like so many innocent lives, are not here any longer because they have also been elimiated.

Bruce Beresford-Redman was ordered to stay in Mexico, not charged with any crime, nor incarcerated. In the meantime, back in the USA, the fate of he and Monica's children was decided. Against the wishes of her sisters and family, the children were awarded to their paternal grandparents, although temporary, they are filing for permanent custody.

To add another twist to the story, around May 20, Bruce Beresford-Redman was suddenly nowhere to be found! Mexican authorities had tried to contact him and were unable to reach him. Low and behold, he shows up back home in California just in time to have another one of his reality tv shows, Shedding for the Wedding, picked up by the CW network. Can we start boycotting the CW Network, please? We should all be outraged that any network in the United States would hire a man whom again, in my expert opinion, murdered his wife. If you go here you can leave an outage comment to the folks at the CW Network. Afterall, the CW Network are only fueling the fire, making a statement to society that "Intimate Partner Violence" and murder is acceptable.

Although he was ordered to give up his passport, Bruce was free to travel around Mexico. Free to find a way to get back over the border? Afterall, hundreds of illegals do it every day, undetected, or with authorities looking the other way! According to Mexican authorities, Beresford-Redman is the only suspect in his wife Monica's brutal murder, and, now he has fled their country, the country which has jurisdiction over this crime. What will they do about it? Absoltely nothing and this piece of human garbage knows it.

So where is the justice, and what can the sisters and family of Monica Beresford-Redman do now? According to Private Investigators, Vito Colucci and Al Dressler, as stated on The Susan Murphy Milano Show, agree the family need to keep the public informed, they need to garner media attention and they need to keep the heat up by offering a reward, hiring a private investigator, or working within our system to insure that Monica's murder does not turn into a cold case sitting in the dusty file cabinet in a Mexican police department.

One thing that may have saved the hundreds of thousands of dollars that will go into finally arresting and convicting the alleged murderer in this case is, if Monica, and others in known violent relationships, had taken the time to complete an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit. Had this been done, the person who murdered Monica Beresford-Redman would most likely be sitting in jail.

If you, as a reader, are not aware of what an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is, it is a formal signed and notarized series of documents, along with video testimony, that can be used in a court of law if someone in a violent relationship is either missing or murdered. It can bypass all hearsay laws because it's done in the "potential" victim's own voice, own words and used like a will in the event that something happens.

Monica Beresford-Redmond traveled alive and well to another country and she returned because of a husband's rage, in a body bag!

As we go about our daily lives, remember there are many "Monicas" out there right now who may be successful professional people, or down and out having a hard time, but one thing they have in common is violence within their homes. Follow the "Battle Cry" and extend your strength and your voice to help stop family violence.

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

Vital Belief #4—Take Care of You First

By Pamela Chapman

If you read my previous blog entry, Vital Belief #3, you’ll recall that I spoke of breathing correctly. I spoke of the flight attendant telling you to put the oxygen mask over your own nose and mouth in case of emergency and why doing so is critical. Today’s blog is just an expansion of that and is written especially for you ladies. Gentlemen, you can follow the same advice, but we girls tend to take care of everyone else before we think of ourselves. We don’t usually take time for ourselves until our bodies are screaming “STOP!” or literally stopping us with illness.


While many of our Time’s Up! activists are pursing incredibly urgent causes—abuse, missing persons, murder, and cyber crimes, to name a few—I am committed to inspiring, motivating, strengthening, and bringing inner healing to you while you fight. I commit to building your stamina while you carry on for the cause. This is why my writings never speak to the pain, but bring you glimpses of peace, light, and love. 


In your urgent and critical endeavors, it is so easy to forget about you and the importance of taking care of yourself. You might even consider it selfish to think about yourself when there are so many atrocities occurring 24/7 around the world. But, let me put it this way: without you, those atrocities wouldn’t be confronted or addressed. Your movement would possibly die or be delayed. So, here’s some simple and practical advice that won’t take a lot of your time or energy.

When your mind is unfocused, you can’t remember where you’re putting things, you don’t know what you did last or what you should do next, and your body aches all over, STOP! Take a break—take time off. Take time to smell the roses, look at the blue sky by day, and count the stars by night. Check out that ball in the sky that gives you light for the darkest night, takes on different shapes, and even smiles at you at times. Take off your shoes and socks and feel the grass between your toes, take a deep breath and smell its freshness, put your ear to its roots and listen to it crackle as it grows—it’s life. Is there an ocean nearby so that you can listen to its roar and hear what it wants to say to you? Is there a calm river that wants to take you gently and peacefully, without your working, downstream?


Pretty Woman, one of my all time favorite movies (that and the Ten Commandments—go figure) shows us how a working woman, a woman of the oldest profession, teaches an ambitious, overachieving entrepreneur how to embrace life and love and take care of himself. It’s not enough to pursue your goals, passions, or causes if you, in turn, miss out on life and neglect yourself. This may rub you the wrong way, but let me remind you of this: the basis of life isfreedom; the result of life is expansion; and the purpose of life is life more abundant. 


That statement may really tick you off, especially if you have just experienced tragedy. But I reiterate: the purpose of that tragedy is to expand you and bring you to your purpose in life. All Creation knew you could move through the experience, make the choice to step up to the experience, and then do something about it. You weren’t going to just take it. The experience may have crippled you for a moment, but you chose to get up and out of your pain, disappointment, and anger. You made a choice to carry on. During the process you may have cried, broken down, and even come close to death yourself, but in the end, you endured and found or are finding joy and peace in making great change. Your purpose will outweigh your pain if you say yes to the call.


With that being said, you must take care of you. Go back to the first three vital beliefs I gave you at the beginning of the year: ground yourself every day, if not several times a day; only put out what you want to get back (love, joy, and peace); and  breathe deeply. If your body or mind begins to ache, it’s sending you a signal: you’re out of alignment (ouch). If you start to sneeze and cough, you’re doing too much (ouch again), and if you find yourself with a more serious dis/ease (heart ailment, diabetes, or, God forbid, cancer) this is your body crying out for you to love YOU. Let go, rest, wait, refocus, reenergize, and balance. Do some soul searching. Your body, soul, and spirit are sending you a strong message. You can do all of the things you want to do: pursue careers, raise children, seek justice, introduce bills and amendments, expose untruths, and reveal truths. But do it in wholeness, not brokenness. 


You make no great witness if you are unbalanced, broken, or bereaved. It is my belief that the only way you’re going to change the world is to be that example of wholeness: to be the healed (mentally, physically emotionally), to be the light, and to be the love. When we can be that, others will want to be like us. You can only become that by taking care of you first.


In love, light, and healing,
Pamela Chapman
Certified Self-Esteem, Life-Transition Expert
Certified Domestic Violence Specialist

Two Cases of Murder - Mobile, AL

by Cherry Simpson

Mobile Alabama is my home and one I’ve cherished. The children here are taught to answer, “yes ma’am or yes sir” and southern hospitality is practiced along with football, going to church, fishing’ and hunting’.

Recently two men allegedly hunted down and killed their intimate partners. Both stories are as black and evil as any story you will hear on the national news. But they contrast in the fact that one man is behind bars and the other is free.

Why the preferential treatment? Could it be because he’s an elected official, with friends in high places?

Murder #1

Angel Downs Murder Investigation - Commissioner Steve Nodine - Only Suspect

The night of May 9^th was the night Realtor Angel Downs was found shot in the head in her front yard in Gulf Shores, AL. Steve Nodine was seen leaving the scene, in his county provided pickup truck, by neighbors who heard shots fired. Angel Downs was Steve Nodines’s mistress and she was trying to end their longtime rocky relationship. There are many inconsistencies in his story as well as very suspicious behavior. Angel Downs family insists she was not suicidal in case that becomes a defense ploy. The DA says Mr. Nodine is the “one and only suspect.”

Mobile County Commissioner Stephen Nodine seems to have had a checkered and colorful past. He’s known as a pot smoking, pill popping, receiver of questionable funds, womanizer with a history of domestic violence and now the lone suspect in a murder..

Nodine is accused of multiple misuses of funds and misuse of a county vehicle. The Grand Jury impeached and arrested him, though he’s currently out on bail. His wife filed for divorce the day after he was arrested. Has he been getting special treatment? Many say he has and has to STOP!!

How did he get away with loosing a county truck, escaped domestic violence charges, a D.U.I. related wreck in New Orleans and purchased 2400 pain pills without any of it reported in the press. Seems many knew about his escapades but did nothing to stop him.

Now Angel Downs is dead. I hope those who looked the other way find their conscience and come forward with any and all information they possess. The irony is this man actually ran on family values?

Nodine, a surprise visitor at a recent prayer group asked for a prayer which was led by current DA John Tyson Jr, The episode stunned the group, the pastor said. "We were in disbelief at what had just happened,". Nodine says "God will God will show the way and have mercy on everyone.”

Murder and politic’s shouldn’t mix but there’s a DA race going on right now with Nodine’s Atty Mark Erwin running against Ashly Rich. Rich says about her opponent "His real job for the past 5 years has been working as a lawyer for Steve Nodine at the Mobile County Commission where last year alone he was paid over $250,000." Erwin went to Nodine’s house the day after Angel Downs was murdered to remove 2 guns ostensibly out of concern for his family and Nodine.

Evidence includes blood, bullets and maybe even surveillance video. I’m not the only one in Mobile asking, “Why hasn’t he been arrested for murder?” I’m praying for justice for Angel Downs!

Read Articles and documents in on going case LINK

Murder #2

Just 2 days later on May 11^th, Tuesday night about 7pm my granddaughter ran to tell me to turn on the TV and the house alarm. Her eyes were wide and scared, “a man just shot his wife in front of 4 kids and he’s on the loose.”

Mother shot to death in front of children

Wendy Sue Stevens was hunted and shot multiple times by her estranged husband Michael Berry while she sat at an ATM at 6:45pm on May 11, 2010. In the car were her 4 children ages 3 to 13. There were witnesses who said they couldn’t believe what they had seen. The husband then fled and alluded police for several days. When Police caught him a few hundred yards from the scene of the crime, they immediately arrested him and charged him with murder. He was seen that night on TV smart mouthing the cameras. He showed no remorse and pled not guilty to capital murder.

Wendy did everything an abused woman is supposed to do. Michael Berry was arrested twice for violating the protection from abuse order. District Attorney John Tyson Jr said Wendy’s mother had also been threatened by Berry.

Wendy’s only escape was through death. Apparently her life was torture for more than 10 years. The DA's office states they intend to pursue the death penalty.

Ginger, her 11 yr old daughter told LOCAL 15 News that her mother is in a better place. "I'm trying to be happy and know that she's not in pain anymore." Obit.

In both these cases the women were victims only because they were women and vulnerable to abusive partners. It appears that Mr. Berry’s case is being pursued with all diligence we certainly hope that Angel Downs murderer receives the same level of justice.

Buyer Beware!

By Sheryl McCollum

Former New York Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor (LT) was lied to by an underage hooker!  This is shocking.  What is the world coming to when a pimp will miss lead a John over a $300 sex job.  I am disgusted that a married man with three daughters can’t slip into a hotel with a hooker – have his manly needs met and go to sleep without begin harassed by the police for not knowing her age. Everyone knows that black eyes make you look older. 

He risked diseases, having his reputation tarnished as well as that pesky adultery thing brought up.  This was a simple business transaction – not the crime of the century.  The pimp may have needed to persuade the teenage hooker to perform sex acts by beating her before taking her to Taylors hotel room – nothing personal just business.  

The hooker was a runaway.  The pimp gave her a place to stay for only $150 a week as well as a job.  These men were helping her.  She was beginning trained in the oldest profession.  How many young girls dream of becoming a big city hooker?  This is a real life “Pretty Women”.  

Lawrence Taylor went out of his way to help this young hooker.  He found a pimp.  Arranged a deal on a certain date, time and location.  He left his house in order to meet the pimp and hooker on time.  He paid for a hotel room in the state he lives in.  This was more than a $300 deal for him.  Then to think he was lied to by a criminal that he sought out, a criminal that he gave money to in good faith.  He had to have sex with a very young beat up hooker.  This couldn’t have been what he wanted.  

Sad to think after beating cocaine addiction and other demons LT is facing rape charges.  He is suffering other negative effects such as Nutrisystem, the weight loss company, announced Friday that it is cutting ties with Taylor, who had been one of its spokesmen.

His bond is $75,000.  He is losing endorsements.  The fact remains that she took the cash and gave it to her pimp and Lord knows what she was wearing.  She went to his hotel room he did not go to her.  How is this his fault?  

The world has gone to hell when a married man with three daughters can’t buy an underage piece of ass without facing prison time!

Buyer Beware!

Hush Little Baby...

By Anny Jacoby

I blog/speak/teach constantly about how imperative it is to educate our youth about personal safety. Personal safety is so much more than learning how a female can protect and defend herself physically. Personal safety also encompasses the understanding and knowing what the warning signs/red flags are of an unhealthy relationship, what encompasses dating violence and date rape, facts about human trafficking, the dangers of sexting, safety tips and so much more. Today....I want to share with you something that I hope will touch each of you as you read this blog and listen to the video below.

Since its inception, the late 1980s and early 1990s Spoken Word has been an outlet for people to release their views. The spoken word, or slam poetry, has now become the present day soap-box for people to express their views, emotions, life experiences or information. The views of spoken word artists encompass religion, politics, sex and gender. Personal experiences are best performances, especially when the person has actually lived through the experience. Spoken word is used to inform or make people conscious of some aspect pertaining to life.

Back in 2006 I was introduced to spoken word by my younger son, Jake. Whenever I walked past his room his facial expressions were that of being extremely focused and intense while he wrote night after night in a journal. He explained to me what Spoken Word was but didn't divulge much and I respected his privacy. Jake became dedicated to his writing through his thoughts and feelings. He decided to join The Sacrificial Poets which has had a huge impact on his life, his outlook and leadership.

The Sacrificial Poets is North Carolina’s only youth Performance Poetry Team. The Sacrificial Poets is formerly known as the Chapel Hill Slam Team which was established in 2005. However, the name was changed after the tragic sudden murder in May, 2008 of, Irina “Ira” Yarmolenko, one of the founding team members. Ira set the tone, not only through her spoken word, but also as a team leader and inspiration to all of those around her. She demonstrated unrelenting commitment and sacrifice to the success of the team and to the spoken word movement. Therefore, the team decided to change its name to the “Sacrificial Poets” to commemorate her legacy and contribution.

Posted on the teams YouTube page is..."We love you and miss you very much Ira. Watch over us as we honor your passing through changes we are trying to make in our community and the world, through our voices."

Sacrificial Poets is made up of youth ages 13-19 from the Chapel Hill area. The students are chosen in a local competition (Slam) and required to attend practices, workshops, and local community performances. Over the past four years the youth have learned valuable skills from taking part in spoken word. The youth learn how to work effectively in a team environment; learn to effectively express themselves through poetry and performance; learn how to become community opinion leaders and change makers in the community.

I've attended "open mic" (performances) before and have been emotionally moved by many artists, including my son as he would "spit" (delivering) words from his soul about so many things that are important and dear to him with emotions coming from his heart. The Sacrificial Poets "open mic" on May 5th was dedicated to Ira's memory and a celebration of her life. I sat and listened to the many talented performances, an array of performances from serious content to humorous pieces. And then one of the young ladies, a special young poet, Alicia Marie started to "spit" words from her soul changing my life forever. I was so moved that tears streamed down my face while Alecia Marie performed a moving piece, "Hush Little Baby...".

Even though Alecia Marie's piece is about child abuse; she along with many other youth are delivering heartfelt messages that seek to educate, bring awareness and attention to many social issues that must be heard, especially all forms of abuse and assaults on females. I am honored to know such fine young ladies and gentlemen. I commend each of you for taking a stance, sharing with others your deepest, most inner feelings about topics that so many sweep under the carpet and for your advocacy. ***snap, snap, snap, snap*** (snapping of the fingers during a performance is applauding in the spoken word world)

Alicia Marie is a sophomore in high school. She heads a Slam Poetry Club and enjoys working with students her age to express their lives through writing and performance. She has been a member of Sacrificial Poets since June 2009 and hopes to one day make slam poetry her profession. Alecia Marie has competed in Brave New Voices ’09 and considers being part of Sac’ Poe a true blessing. Although she’s been told she has touched those she’s met through her writing, she finds there is room for growth at every level and hopes to continue to change lives through her story.

Recently, Alecia Marie competed by invitation only in the Grandslam Final hosted by Sacrificial Poets. The top six poets in the final slam make up the SacPro 2010-2011 team to compete in the Youth Speaks 14th Annual Youth Speaks Teen Poetry Slam in Los Angeles, California. Alecia won a position in finals and will be traveling with the team to compete. Alecia Marie also performs with her band, The Big Chill.

Sacrificial Poets travel throughout the United States to perform. Inquiries can be emailed to sacrificialpoets@gmail.com.
Good luck to the team...Take care and STAY SAFE!
Love you guys!

The Proper Role for Mental Health Professionals in Domestic Violence Cases

by Barry Goldstein

I dedicated my first book, SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY to three brave children Stephen, Serena and Brianne. When they were seven, five and four respectively, they told the judge, court appointed evaluator, their attorney and the child protective caseworker that their father was abusing them physically and the girls sexually. As happens in most of these cases, these professionals assumed the mother was brainwashing the children and warned she would lose custody if she didn't stop. The court then ordered a resumption of unsupervised visitation.


Shortly before the first visit could take place, the father was confronted by the babysitter in the presence of the law guardian and he admitted to kissing his daughters on their privates. The law guardian immediately filed a motion to stop the visitation which I supported on behalf of the mother. The judge consulted the psychiatrist who had been appointed evaluator. He said the father demonstrated poor judgment but there was no reason to stop the visitation. We later learned the father penetrated Brianne for the first time during this visitation.


When the judge refused to protect the children, I filed a new complaint with the Child Protective Service (CPS). When the judge learned of this he yelled and screamed at me saying the case had already been investigated. The new caseworker assigned to the case did a thorough job this time and learned the father had done worse than we had alleged. CPS brought charges against the father and he never again had anything but supervised visitation.


The mother invited the CPS caseworker and myself to a celebratory dinner after she won custody. The children had gifts for us, but most important they had a name for us. They called us believers because we believed them when all the professionals who were supposed to protect them didn't.


A few years later, this same evaluator was appointed to resolve any disputes in a joint custody arrangement that another abused mother had been pressured to accept. She called him after learning that the father's new wife had a mental breakdown at a child's birthday party attended by her son. The evaluator responded totally appropriately to her concerns and then said he thought when she called she was going to make allegations of sexual abuse AND HE WAS FULLY PREPARED NOT TO BELIEVE HER.


This psychiatrist was far from the worst mental health professional in the custody courts. He did not have a male supremacist agenda, did not use PAS and was actually good in cases unrelated to domestic violence and child abuse. The judges in Westchester County loved him and used him more than anyone else. Of course if he immediately discounted allegations of sexual abuse before hearing the facts, sexually abused children had no chance for protection with him as evaluator.


Mental Health Professionals in Custody Courts


Evaluators and other mental health professionals were invited into the custody court system at a time when many assumed domestic violence was caused by mental illness, substance abuse or the actions of the victim. All of these assumptions have been totally discredited, but mental health professionals continue to play a major role in domestic violence custody cases.


These mental health professionals seldom have more than a few hours of training in domestic violence. They are unfamiliar with the specialized body of domestic violence research. Despite this, they routinely ignore the ethical requirement to consult with someone expert in a topic in which they don't have expertise. Surprisingly, despite these circumstances that would make courts outside the custody arena disqualify or discredit such "experts", custody courts routinely accept their recommendations with little scrutiny. Genuine experts often find their testimony discredited or are even prevented from testifying because they are not "neutral" professionals. In reality, their ignorance and bias very much favors abusive fathers. Since they have no scientific research to rely on, the evaluators and other professionals relied on by the custody courts instead use myths, stereotypes and their personal belief system. The recommendations usually tell courts more about the beliefs and biases of the evaluator than the qualifications of the parents.


Evaluators often use psychological tests that create a false sense of a scientific basis for the recommendations. These tests were not created for the populations the courts see in custody court. They were created to determine mental illness and reveal nothing about parenting skills or domestic violence. Even with mental illness, the evaluators rarely inform the courts that the finding is based on probability. At best the tests demonstrate a 55-65% chance that someone answering the questions as the test subject would have the problem diagnosed. Even worse, this figure goes down if the subject is under stress such as a difficult custody case or domestic violence.


Of particular concern is the practice of unqualified mental health professionals pathologizing protective mothers. These professionals usually fail to recognize domestic violence because of their lack of training, unfamiliarity with up-to-date research, bias, belief in the myth that women frequently make up false allegations of abuse to gain an advantage in litigation and the manipulation by the abuser. They then create imaginary conditions like delusional or paranoid that are based solely on their own failure to recognize the father's abuse.


These mistakes are often committed by mental health professionals acting in good faith, but without the proper training. Even worse is the cottage industry of unethical professionals catering to male supremacists who are often appointed by the courts despite their bias in favor of fathers. They often have close relationships with GALs and judges which help them win appointments. They have found that the money in custody is to be made by supporting abusers because controlling men have access to the family's resources. These biased professionals use bogus theories like Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) and support male supremacist tactics like shared parenting and "friendly parent" considerations. In some communities we have seen an outbreak of numerous cases of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy although it is an extremely rare condition. Perhaps there should be an investigation of the drinking water in the community to see what suddenly caused the widespread outbreak of such a rare condition. In reality, we know the cause: the use of a male supremacist evaluator who specializes in Munchausen and is paid substantial sums of money for this diagnosis as a way to take children from safe, protective mothers so they can be sent to live with abusive fathers.


The Role of Mental Health Professionals


Just as good men need to speak out against sexist jokes, remarks that objectify women and to challenge male supremacists who seek to use the children in order to maintain what they believe is their male privilege to control women, good mental health professionals also must speak out against the minority in their profession who routinely hurt women and children whether out of greed, sexism or ignorance.


Most mental health professionals never go to court and most of their work does not involve domestic violence. At the same time, with domestic violence as prevalent as it is in this society, most mental health professionals will inevitably come across cases involving domestic violence. Accordingly it is important for mental health professionals to receive significant training in domestic violence in school and later as a regular part of their careers. My friend, Dara Carlin, often speaks about the fact that professionals have a certain conceit to believe any training they receive should be from those in the same profession. Thus lawyers would only learn from other lawyers and psychologists from other psychologists. Far better would be to regularly engage in multi-disciplinary training so that mental health professionals could learn from lawyers, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, sociologists and especially domestic violence advocates. This is why our new book, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY contains chapters from all of these professions as well as judges and journalists.


Domestic violence experts understand that couples counseling and other practices that bring together abusers and their victims are dangerous and unethical. This is because of the unequal power the man and woman have. Consider the dilemma a victim has. If she doesn't tell the therapist about her partner's abuse, they will spend the time discussing pretend or less significant issues (like we often see in custody courts), but if she reveals his abuse, he is likely to hurt her when they leave. We have repeatedly seen mediators take on domestic violence cases even when the law specifically creates an exception for dv cases. Mediators rarely have much training in domestic violence and either don't recognize the abuse or believe their tremendous skills can overcome the problem. Whatever the mistake, the results overwhelmingly benefit abusers and harm their victims. Accordingly, good mental health professionals must make sure their professional associations have strong ethical rules that forbid the treatment or meeting of couples when one is abusing the other.


We have also seen many unscrupulous mental health professionals enter the batterer treatment industry. Of particular concern are professionals who claim their treatment can help make abusers stop his abuse. It is not just that this is a waste of money, but it is dangerous. Partners and judges are likely to make decisions based on these false assurances that these methods make him safe. Such decisions are likely to place the woman in danger. The research is now quite clear and in fact a huge amount of money has been spent (wasted) trying to establish the effectiveness of batterer programs. The only thing that has been shown to reduce men's abuse is accountability and monitoring. Batterer programs, anger management and therapy have all failed to provide any long-term reduction in men's abuse of women. Again good mental health professionals need to lobby for strong ethical standards that forbid their colleagues to make promises or imply that their treatment will change men's behavior. To be clear, I am not saying batterers should not get mental health treatment. Batterers, like everyone else have problems that can be helped by therapy, but the belief system that causes men to abuse and control women is not something likely to be changed by therapy. I should also mention that there are exceptions to this when a mental health problem causes a man's abuse, but these cases are rare.


For many years we have witnessed a phony debate about medical malpractice in which medical groups supported by insurance companies and the politicians they support (pay) demand a one-sided medical malpractice "reform" that involves taking away many of the rights and protections consumers have when they are victimized by medical malpractice. Cases in which patients appear to receive a large award are well-publicized because the special interests have the money to do so. When poor patients are denied the ability to bring valid claims or receive far less than they deserve, the public doesn't hear about these common cases because the victims don't have the resources or influence for their complaints to be heard. It is well known that a small percentage of doctors commit most of the medical malpractice. Any balanced approach to medical malpractice would include a way to discipline or otherwise stop these serial offenders from continuing their malpractice. This would save money and reduce insurance premiums the best way, by reducing the harm to the public caused by medical malpractice.


Just as good doctors need to challenge their incompetent colleagues, mental health professionals must stop those of their colleagues who make a living helping abusers while destroying the lives of protective mothers and their children. I recently read an article by a psychologist arguing that evaluators should be given immunity. He pointed out that his colleagues face a far larger number of professional complaints than those working in other areas and that 99% of the complaints are dismissed. He thought that meant the complaints were frivolous and never considered it is because those reviewing the complaints are themselves psychologists who have a personal interest in dismissing the complaints.


Parental Alienation Syndrome is an unscientific theory concocted by someone who supported sex between adults and children. It is not recognized by any reputable professional organization and is not listed in the DSM IV which contains all recognized mental health conditions. It is a tactic used by abusers and their supporters to stop investigations of domestic violence and child abuse complaints and instead give custody to the abuser and little or no contact to the safe protective mother. PAS, which is sometimes also referred to as parental alienation or just alienation because PAS is so discredited is responsible for destroying the lives of thousands of children. Recently at least three psychologists have lost their licenses for using PAS because they are in effect diagnosing something that does not exist. Good mental health professionals need to make sure that this kind of enforcement of professional ethics occurs more frequently. Similarly, evaluators who fail to consult with domestic violence experts on cases with domestic violence allegations, fail to consult with sexual abuse experts when there are allegations of sexual abuse, are unfamiliar with up-to-date research about domestic violence, engage in myths, gender bias, stereotypes and other similar errors must be disciplined. The reputations of all mental health professionals and the entire profession are harmed when unqualified and prejudiced evaluators are permitted to mislead the courts and harm children.


Use of Mental Health Professionals in DV Cases


Many of my friends and colleagues who have seen the harm caused by mental health professionals in the custody court system want to eliminate any role for them in custody decisions. This position is completely understandable because these professionals have done far more harm than good. If the choice is between continuing the present use of mental health professionals or eliminating them altogether, children would certainly benefit from ending their role. This should help good mental health professionals understand the tremendous harm being done to the reputation of all mental health professionals of remaining silent while unethical or incompetent evaluators and others destroy children's lives with impunity.


Nevertheless, I believe the research supports a role in custody cases for mental health professionals if the present harmful practices are stopped. The courts should use more critical thinking about the purpose of involving mental health professionals in a case and not automatically appoint evaluators just because it is a disputed custody case. Judges and lawyers should consider what specific information they need, whether such information is specifically in the expertise of mental health professionals and in making an appointment limit the investigation to the specific information needed. Evaluators or therapists can be used when there is good reason to believe one of the parents or the children have a mental health condition that significantly affects the ability to parent the children. Mediation can be appropriately used if the court is confident no domestic violence issues exist. If any allegations of domestic violence have been made at any time, one parent is afraid of the other or there are any other reasons to believe one parent has abused the other mediation is not safe or appropriate. Many courts in this and other contexts take a position that until domestic violence is proven, it is not a domestic violence case. This is wrong and causes a lot of problems. Courts need to use domestic violence expertise to first determine whether or not one of the parties has committed domestic violence.


When there are allegations of domestic violence there will rarely be any need for mental health professionals. The court needs to have a factual hearing about the validity of these allegations. If the allegations are true and the other parent is safe (which specifically has nothing to do with "alienation" issues), the only proper outcome is custody for the safe parent and at least initially supervised visitation for the abusive parent. This approach avoids the time and expense of hearing evidence about other issues that shouldn't affect the outcome if domestic violence is confirmed. Furthermore since at least 98% of domestic violence allegations by mothers are accurate, a hearing limited to this issue will completely resolve custody and visitation issues in the case.


If mental health professionals are going to retain a role in custody cases, they must create the following reforms to avoid the tragedies caused by widespread inappropriate practices.


1. In any cases involving domestic violence allegations the mental health professional must consult with a domestic violence expert.


2. Mental health professionals who work with custody courts will have training in recognizing domestic violence, gender bias and the effects of domestic violence on children.


3. Mental health professionals who work with custody courts will take steps to avoid manipulation by abusers and confirmation bias.


4. The mental health professionals will be familiar with the specialized body of up-to-date research about domestic violence.


5. Mental health professionals will never use unscientific or unproven theories such as Parental Alienation Syndrome and its progeny.


6. Mental health professionals will not use psychological tests that were not created for the population seen in family court and when using psychological tests will make the court and the parties aware of what percentage accuracy the tests provide. The professionals will also be required to make sure the scoring of such tests is not compromised by gender bias.


Barry Goldstein is a nationally recognized domestic violence expert, speaker, writer and consultant. The new book he co-edited with Mo Therese Hannah, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY was just published.