Releasing Shame

By Tanya Warrington

A Sesame Street book taught me a revolutionary principle when my children were young. As I read the often requested book to my kids, it's truth sunk into my soul. The book's title, Everyone Makes Mistakessaid it all. Big Bird had a rough day of blunders, including pulling down a long line of freshly cleaned laundry down onto the ground.

In my childhood, I would have been sweating and worrying big time if I did something like that. Most likely I would have paced, feeling frenzy and panic, debating with myself what I should do. I would have thought of going in and making a confession and bravely bearing whatever the consequences were. I would have thought about running off to a friends and behaving as if I knew nothing about the situation. I surely would have felt like running. I hated how small and helpless I felt under my mom's fury that was sometimes icy and silent and other times quite loud with yelling and punctuated by spanking or yanking. I would consider the possibility of confessing to my dad, because sometimes he seemed nice, but most of the time he seemed very gruff and angry in a very controlled way, and he had a way of making me feel utterly stupid.

And then there was the secret that I tried to keep even to myself. The horrible incest that tore me apart and felt like it would kill me. My dad was the one who did those things to me. So I avoided my dad when I could and felt relief when he did something nice or when he was distant and unapproachable.

The options just weren't pretty in my non-picture book life. But I was a good girl. What sense of self I had was tied up in trying to please my parents and earn their affection. I was never good enough but I kept on trying anyway. So, I would have told the truth. I would have faced consequences, feeling brave inside and proving it by trying to suppress the tears that threatened to spill. I would have felt like a failure. I would have been "ashamed of myself," just as my mom chastised me to be so many times. I would have felt so small and worthless--because I messed up and did something wrong, again, despite good intentions.

But in the Sesame Street book, Big Bird doesn't hear, "Shame on you!" No, he didn't. He heard life-giving acceptance of our common human condition, even though he was a bird. He was told over and over, "Everyone makes mistakes" and was allowed to fix the results of his mistakes. As I recall, he even re-washed the laundry with the kind help of an adult.

My children loved the book and so did I, after I wrestled through my old memories that were so contrary to the simple picture book. One day when I apologized to my daughter about missing an important date on the calendar, she smiled at me and said, "It's okay, Mom, everyone makes mistakes." Such a gift she gave me! I felt like weeping, but I gave her a smile and said, "You're right! We all make mistakes sometimes, don't we."

I wonder how many readers of this post have battled with shame. Misplaced shame is a common result from abuse. We feel deep shame over small things and feel absolutely buried under shame when we make mistakes that hurt others. And we feel shame that is really beyond description over the abuse that we did not initiate and could not control. We felt and continue to feel the shame that the abuser refuses to feel.

Once we are free from abuse, it takes time to let go of shame. Time to show kindness to ourselves when we truly do make a mistake. Time to refuse shame when it really belongs to the abusive person(s) of our memories. Healing takes time, but it does happen when we allow it. Our Lord is powerful, good, and kind in his ways and he is ready to give us a big, gentle hug as He wipes away our stress with an understanding smile. "It's okay. Every human on the planet makes mistakes. Share your pain and confusion with Me, I'll comfort you and help you sort things out."

We don't have to keep carrying shame. Jesus can take it away and leave us with peace and gratefulness. One memory at a time, one day at a time, we can walk with Him and release the shame.

God’s Justice for Becca

By Cherry Simpson

It was in April of 2008 that I first became aware of a little girl by the name of Rebecca Lynn McEvoy. I did not know her in life but came to know her through her incredible big loving family. One Saturday morning an old woman came to my door, she was carrying the obituary of her granddaughter. She told me the little girl’s name was Becca and she had been the victim of sexual abuse by her stepfather Bob L. Ingle (a police officer.) She said little Becca had been so brave to come forward told about the abuse, testified to a Grand Jury twice but then tragically lost her life in a car crash that January.
Becca’s death had stalled the rape case but it was also what motivated the family into action. Becca’s Death would not be in vain. Her family would not be denied justice. Becca’ father Aden McEvoy, a police officer, had always wanted Becca to be free from all that she had gone through and to see that no other children would ever suffer at Ingle’s hands ever again.
Becca’s family held prayer vigils, made a website, DVD’s, T-shirts, petitions and protested on the courthouse steps. When delay after delay in Becca’s case made them question whether there would ever be justice for Becca? There was much local TV, newspaper and Internet coverage, which produced information on two additional alleged rape victims of Ingle’s. They also came forward and spoke to the investigators.
The defense tried every trick in the book to get this case dismissed. There were delays, gag orders and appeals made to the Alabama Supreme Court. Robin Sax describes it best in her blog post entitled, “Why Does a Child Molester Get to Benefit from the System He Disgraced?”
There was even a scandal, not related to the case, where the DA abruptly resigned. Which meant they had to begin all over again with a new Assistant District. Many wondered if this family would ever have peace or know justice? Yet they stayed strong and they never gave up hope. You see their faith was in God not in the justice system.
Finally after being delayed at least six times over the past three years the rape trial date came.
Becca’s little girlfriend (whom she had confided in) testified along with her big sister Nina. Nina said Becca, at age 10, had a secret to tell her, but she didn’t want to say a bad word. So she wrote on a piece of paper the word “SEX”. What a terrible burden for such a little child. What a horrible trauma she had endured.
The Dr who examined Becca testified about sexual abrasions and produced medical documents. The Dr had asked Becca to write down who had done this to her. In her school girl handwriting Becca wrote “Bob L. Ingle.” The DA projected this slip of paper onto the wall, Becca McEvoy knew her molester, he was her stepfather, he was a police officer and the name on his badge read “Bob L. Ingle.”

I wonder if he might have worn that badge when he molested her. I wonder how many other children did this monster harm? It took the jury just 90 minutes to find him guilty. Thank you God", said Becca’s sister Nina Tucker.

Bob Ingle had not spent one day in jail since his arrest. The family was told they were not to show any emotion inside of the courtroom or there would be consequences. The guilty verdict meant he could now spend the rest of his life in prison. Susan Murphy-Milano writes on the verdict in her post entitled “Justice Prevailed.”
Imagine their surprise when they heard Bob Ingle wasn’t going to jail to await his sentencing! Rebecca's family wanted Ingle behind bars. The judge instead decided to allow him to stay out of jail on bond with conditions. Ingle's sentencing was set for Februrary 25^th, almost one month away.
It was earlier rumored Ingle would appeal. He had remained emotionless during the trial possessing an almost superior attitude. Did he think he was going to get away with it?
The day of Ingle’s sentencing came with a bang; Ingle chose death over prison. He was found at home with two handguns at his side around 2:30pm. I remember when I heard the news “Rebecca’s Rapist Kills Himself”.
I suspect this was God’s justice for Becca. Ingle’s criminal rights had always trumped Becca’s victim’s rights. Or so it seemed, until the afternoon of Feb 25^th.
Becca’s family said, “Now Becca has eternal justice.” A weight had been lifted off their shoulders. No more court dates, no more appeals, no more reliving the horror of what little Becca had endured. Becca’s Momma (Reesa Taylor) breathed a sigh of relief, she had been afraid of Ingle. Now her little girl was safe and her family could begin to heal.
In the end I can’t help but think of Becca, in heaven, looking down on her big beloved family. She was a hero, so small yet so brave. God’s justice is better than man’s justice. It was what she had wanted most, no other children to be molested.
Photo slide show of Becca McEvoy, a beautiful sweet little girl. She loved Butterflies, her Family and Jesus.

Society: Being of two (or more) minds on crime victims

By Randy McCall

Society as a whole tends to be in denial in its view of victims of crime.


Victims of crime are recognized as needing society's help and support, yet at the same time many people can't help speculating whether the victim didn't cause -- or at least contribute to -- their own suffering.


Some people want to hold victims up as a noble icon -- the heroic sufferer of outrageous events . Yet society as a whole also sees victims as reminders that terrible things can happen to good people, that there is still a savage underside to society, and that the world isn't as safe as many people feel it is. Feelings which, consciously or unconsciously, makes people want to hide victims from view, so they don't have think about these bad things.


Society says victims are citizens who deserve protection and justice. Yet, there are elements of society who are more than willing to exploit crime victims, particularly when there is the potential for monetary gain or personal advancement.


Just scanning the news for the month of March provides several sterling examples:


Crime exhibit dispute shows families' scars linger

A dispute over an exhibition of gruesome evidence from famous crimes escalated Thursday, showing that time does not heal the scars to murder victims' families even after four decades.
The son of assassinated Sen. Robert F. Kennedy wrote he was horrified that his father's clothing from the night he was assassinated in 1968 was being displayed in Las Vegas. He called it "a macabre publicity stunt."

In this article, we see that officials in Los Angles decided to display evidence items from various sensational crimes to provide the public with an insight on "...tragedy of murder and the difficult jobs law enforcement detectives have in solving often very complicate cases." The items on display included Bobby Kennedy's bloody shirt, the rope taken from around Sharon Tate's neck, and items from the OJ Simpson trial.


According to all reports, no family member of any victim was contacted before the items were put on display; items were removed and apologies were issued only after family members complained.


While the Chief Beck and DA Cooley have offered apologies, the victim's families are not impressed with the fact the very people charged with protecting victims saw no problem with exploiting their loved ones for profit... whether financial gain, increased prestige, or otherwise.


Remember we were talking about society's denial in it's treatment of victims? Well, really, just how successful could a display of murder weapons and bloody clothing be?

"Cooley said it had more visitors in two days than the Los Angeles Police Historical Museum has had in a year. Police detective Dennis Kilcoyne, who oversaw the exhibit, estimated at least 6,000 visitors saw it."

The response of the surviving family members was summed up nicely by the son of Bobby Kennedy:

He said he spoke personally with Beck and that "the chief maintained to me that hanging my dad's bloody shirt from a mannequin in a casino was part of an effort to train detectives. Perhaps he believes that, but to me it seems like a cheap bid for attention."


"It is almost like a traffic cop inviting motorists to slow down and take a good look as they go past a tragedy," Kennedy wrote.

It seems that, sensationalism aside, the people who came to view the display chose to see it as a display of history or technical expertise, looking only at the surface. They chose to ignore the terrible details of the violent events these items represented; of the crimes and suffering which had to take place for a simple piece of rope or bloody clothing to have such "historic meaning."


When asked what he thought of the family member's complaints, one member of the public put his views this way:

He said he found nothing distasteful about it, adding that he thought "it would be more gory."
Asked if he thought it might be hurtful to victims' families, he said: "How would it be hurtful? It's history. It already happened."

Two other stories from this month's collection of media pieces also point out how some people are more than willing to use victims of crime as tools for financial or personal gain.


Georgia House passes bill to keep crime photos sealed

The desire to change legislation comes as a reporter for Hustler magazine made an Open Records request to the Georgia Bureau of Investigation for photos depicting the nude and decapitated body of Meredith Emerson. Emerson was murdered in 2008 after hiking in the North Georgia Mountains.

Just the fact someone would try to acquire these photos underscores my point about the split personality of society when it comes to victims. Why? Very simply, they would not have attempted to acquire the photos if they didn't think they would sell to at least some elements of the public.


Another issue in the news is the use of recorded 911 calls by media, just to wring the heartstrings of their listeners. While some victims support the use of these calls to ensure mistakes by 911 operators or systems are made public and corrected, others find the replaying of loved a one's last desperate call for help to be overwhelming and too much to bear:

...Hoblick, out of town when his son Jake died, heard his older son John's 911 call on the news and asked Cretul to do something about keeping the emergency calls out of the public domain.

So we again see the dichotomy of crime victims in society... with society saying they wish to protect and honor victims, but at the same time feeding off the tragedy and drama of their victimization. The media use the audio tapes to increase their viewership; conversely, the media wouldn't try to use such tactics unless they had been proven effective.


In other words, more people do "tune in" to the media who use the tapes.


Can arguments of free speech and education be made to support these kind actions? Certainly, but:


What education is contained in a scream from a recorded 911 call?


Is the attempt to acquire and publish the picture of a the body of a nude, decapitated woman really a free speech issue?


Is the lure of impressing colleagues and the public (ignoring the topic of revenue generation through admission fees) so seductive that even those charged with protecting victims can't generate the empathy to realize surviving family members might be affected by such a display of items from their deaths?


The answer, sadly, is recorded in our daily news.

...


Wait... hold the presses!


I'll bet you thought I was done, didn't you? Truth to tell, so did I... but the universe sometimes has a way of helping you reinforce the point you're trying to make.


After finishing my article, I thought I'd go to the gym and -- like so many other people -- try and wear off a winter's worth of inactivity. My gym has a bank of televisions set up for those who are using the treadmills, so I was watching a national new channel while trotting away.


The news anchor, running through a list of stories, said, "...now listen to this". Low and behold, they started playing a partial recording of a 911 call; a transcript overlaid on the screen showed the 911 operator telling the caller to "put the phone down now", as a threatening person was in the room.


As the audio faded out, the anchor said that what followed next was a vicious beating, which we would get to hear right after a break for commercials.


Unbelievable. My condolences go to the victim of this crime. Their call, their assault, their pain and cries for help were reduced by a media outlet to a sound bite, used to entice jaded viewers to not change channels during the commercial break.


Media companies in general are publicly very supportive of victims of crime, yet at the same time they have no qualms about using those very same victims to appeal to the lowest of sensation seekers amongst their audience. Why? All in the name of retaining viewers, since viewers watch commercials, and the selling of commercial time is what makes them money. The larger their regular audience, the more they can charge for air time, and the higher their profits.

Out Of The Dark

By Susan Murphy Milano

Growing up in a home where violence is part of your daily existence does not only affect the victim and the abuser, but it wreaks havoc on children born into this toxic environment well into their adult life.


As an adult survivor of violence and homicide I hid from being labeled a “victim.” I did not want anyone to see me weak, hurt or distraught. I learned how to be in control of my entire world. This included my work with victims of stalking and violence. I created a strong image for the world to see that allowed me to assist those who lived and played in very dark sandboxes, the same box I would go and hide when no one was looking. As if I were playing a game of hide and seek with myself.


I would discover just how dark my sandbox was in the fall of 2009. If you happen to listen to my weekly show on blog talk radio it was evident that something was wrong with my throat and voice. It had a mind of its own. One minute I would be talking in my normal tone and after a few minutes it would raise up and go loud or very rough for no reason at all. My throat would get so bad I timed each of my telephone conversations. By the end of the day my voice was gone and all you could hear was a strained whisper. I attempted to make excuses telling friends and colleagues that I had a cold or a sinus infection. People expressed concern and I continued making excuses.


I had already known for quite some time that something was wrong. I made an appoinment with a doctor. He scheduled me for a biopsy and I waited for the results to come back. I told no one.




Readily, I accepted the diagnosis and did not give it a second thought when the doctors offered me little hope for a full recovery.




In true "Jane Wayne” I can do anything spirit, I was prepared and preparing for the end of my life’s journey. With my new book “Time’s Up” about to release and another book “Holding My Hand Through Hell” scheduled for 2011, I worked with the help of my colleague and close friend Delilah to complete the projects. I was out of gas so to speak with little to no energy, sadly I could no longer continue with the Justice Interrupted program. A show I created to bring awareness for victims of unsolved crimes. This world had shown only darkness and being diagnosed with a life threatening condition I had done what I never let victims of abuse or suvivors of homicide do, give up.


After the holidays my doctor arranged hospice care for when it was time. I decided to say goodbye one by one to friends and colleagues. I made arrangements to visit each person either by car or air bringing special gifts of love as I said my final goodbye.


I was more at peace with dying then I had ever been with living. In my sandbox the light never really warmed the sand.


But the light from my friends was too bright. One by one each rallied around to do what was necessary to keep me here. Their love for me and my work was my river of warmth, love and more importantly light. Almost daily I received books, cd’s and emails of prayers from total strangers. Churches I never heard of contacted me asking how they could help me. Doctor’s in the field offered to provide medical services without charge.


When my health went into a downward spiral a friend flew in to town, rented a car and took me home with her. I had never experienced anyone ever doing anything for me without expecting something back in return.


Several days later I responded to the medication and my health improved. My voice returned and the tumor that was blocking my airway is now gone. I would like to tell you that I had a medical miracle and expect a full recovery. But that is only a small part to my recovery. The miracle is really about God and how he placed all those loving, wonderful people on my path and in my life whom refused to allow me to give up. Words don't seem adequate in describing my deepest thanks, but they are why I am still here.






To my shinning angels, thank you Delilah, Jaemi, Jillian, Kathryn, David, Chris, Nancy, Lavinia, Denise, Neil, Michael, Jay, Christine, Lisa, Jason, Dirk, Cherry, Wanda, Deon, Jennifer, Nicole, Claudine, David, Anny, Mitchell, Patte, Amanda, Diane, Nancy, Paul, Dawn, Margaret, Ward and all the others who have surrounded me with their love and placed me in the light.

A Right To Privacy…After Death

By Gaetane Borders

What’s worst than having a loved one brutally murdered? Having their murder exploited for sadistic and voyeuristic purposes. This is exactly what Hustler magazine aimed to do to the family of Meredith Emerson.

If you recall, Emerson was a 24-year-old University of Georgia graduate who was abducted on Jan. 1, 2008, while hiking with her dog on Blood Mountain trail in North Georgia. At some point during her hike, she came across Gary Michael Hilton who ultimately beat and decapitated her. In a deal, prosecutors agreed not to seek the death penalty against Hilton if he took investigators to Emerson's remains. He is currently awaiting trial for Emerson’s murder.

Imagine the feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and despair that Meredith’s parents and loved ones have felt in the months since her gruesome murder. Well, if they were beginning to find a sense of equilibrium, they are likely now once again overwhelmed with emotion. Why? Well, apparently Hustler magazine has requested detailed information about Meredith’s crime scene, including shots of her decapitated body. In a statement, Hustler said the photos would be used in a news story about the crime….for newsworthy purposes. Right! (For those of you who may not be aware, Hustler is a pornographic publication.)

This, once again, sparked the debate about the public's right to know vs. the right to privacy of an individual. Although the magazine’s writer stated that he wanted to use the photos as “the best obtainable version of the truth," it is safe to say that there are many in the world who seek to profit from sadistic and morose situations. Just as there are websites, news stations, and magazines that are eager to show such graphic images, there are also everyday people who would want to view them. Sad…but so true.

Luckily, Hustler magazine’s request was met with outrage and opposition from lawmakers who vowed to push legislation exempting such photos from public release. John Bankhead, a GBI spokesman, said the agency declined Hustler’s request, and said the intent of the Georgia Open Records Act prohibits the release. However, this is apparently not good enough for Hustler’s publisher, Larry flint, who stated that the magazine is “exploring all legal options available to them should the decision be made to go forward with this story."

There are many that say that access to crime scene photos should be limited but not restricted. One example might be if someone is investigating a suspicious death that a coroner has ruled was caused by natural causes. However, the rights of the family must always be protected. Moreover, Meredith, and other victims like her, are unable to make their voice heard. Therefore, it is up to the rest of us to do all that we can to protect their name.

Victimization on any level should be illegal!

How to make your cold case a hot topic

By Angela Dove


Your loved one is gone, but how? Why? At the station, detectives sift through conflicting testimony, trying to separate the wheat from the chaff, the truth from fabrication and, in some cases, the personal grudges and biases from unencumbered accounts. Or maybe there are no people to interview at all—the victim has seemingly vanished without a trace. Once the television cameras and lights have been packed up and driven away in network vans to the next crisis, you and your family and friends are left with too many tears and too little information. You feel powerless.


Here’s the good news: You have power.


Here’s the bad news: Making a difference in this case is going to take an unbelievable amount of effort.


Law enforcement can only follow up on viable leads. As long as there are witnesses or elements of possible evidence (physical or verbal), dedicated detectives will follow these trails in hopes of finding justice for your loved one. But once those leads are gone, and the case has been workshopped and brainstormed and examined from as many available avenues as possible, then there’s nothing left to detect.


More information is needed. The obvious sources have been exhausted—the victims’ family, close friends, schoolmates or coworkers. Now you need to reach out to those people who are on the periphery. In fact, the missing piece of the puzzle may not even be recognizable as such to the person carrying it around. For example, a woman walking through a parking lot may have seen a couple arguing, but if that woman doesn’t realize the woman in that argument is now missing, she’s not going to do anything with the information. Why would she? So the daunting job of anyone working a cold case (including family and friends) is educating those people on the periphery. And the only way to do that is through the media. That’s right. The same media that has roughly the same attention span as the average kitten.


It’s not the media’s fault. Sadly, they’re supplied with any number of constantly renewed tragedies and crises. They may cover yours for few days, but within a week or two they’ll be hard-pressed to find room for all the new heartbreak, much less the old. Realize that truth, and you can devote the rest of your energy to enlisting the media instead of railing against it and getting nowhere. You need all your available energy for making your case relevant today.


Getting Started means Getting Educated
You’re most likely to get media coverage in the areas immediately connected with the case: the city/town of residence of the victim, and the area of the crime/disappearance. Statistically, these are the most fruitful areas to search for information, so don’t be disappointed if you can’t get beyond this limited arena.


Next, make a list of all your local newspapers, radio stations, and television stations. Use the phonebook, internet, and your local reference librarian to find out if state or regional news outlets have branch/satellite locations near you. Then, at each of those offices, make a list of who covers crime or personal interest. Also list editors and/or producers. Make sure your information will land on the right desk, or it will land in the rubbish bin instead.

Photographs and Flyers
Putting out posters and flyers with facts of the case and a plea for information is the easiest step to take. But placement is very important. One more notice on the local telephone poles will likely get overlooked among notices of yard sales and lost dogs. Instead, try to get local businesses to post information in shop windows, especially businesses that the victim may have frequented. Find out if you can post a flyer in city buses or terminals. Approach a civic organization about helping you hand out flyers at special festivals or in busy shopping areas. If you are working with a non-profit organization, you may be able to rent a public billboard. And of course, offers of a reward will increase the likelihood of people paying attention. With each step of your journey, notify your list of appropriate media contacts.


Public Gatherings
Vigils honor the victim, allow people to express their grief and support, and provide news outlets with a moment of human interest which will undoubtedly lead to retelling the facts of the case (and educated a new set of peripheral people). Choose a public location and secure permission through your town or city. Spread the word to your loved one’s friends, neighbors, coworkers, social organizations—everyone you can think of. Can you ask a religious or public figure to officiate? Do you know a musician or singer who would be willing to perform at the ceremony? Think about what will be meaningful for those close to the victim as well as interesting to those who do not. Then alert any local newspapers, radio stations, and cable news stations. Even if your case has been unsolved for years, anniversaries such as the birthday of the victim or the date of the crime/disappearance are natural dates for vigils.

Differing in tone and scope from vigils, rallies can unite different families around a common cause. Was your loved one a victim of domestic or gang violence? Then take an active role in an event bringing public awareness to that issue. Is your county or region marking National Crime Victims’ Rights Week? See what you can do to help out. I once attended a ground-breaking for a remembrance garden outside a courthouse, and the local victims’ support group showed up each wearing a t-shirt depicting the face of their missing or murdered loved one—and the reporters seeking interviews made directly for those t-shirts.


Approaching Talk Shows
TV or radio talk show producers have to consider how each potential guest/story will appeal to their audience’s interests. If you do this work for them, you’ll greatly increase your chances of landing a spot on the show. Watch several episodes of the show. What sorts of crime cases are covered? What stories invoke the greatest audience response? That way when you call the producer, you will know your story is a good fit and you’ll know why. “Your audience was really interested in the February 16th episode about a teenager who disappeared after the prom. Our family’s situation is similar because . . .”


You can also consider teaming up with another family that has suffered a similar loss. The producer won’t have to figure out a way to fill up the rest of “your” episode; you’re offering to do some of that leg work. For example, “crimes on college campuses” is going to have a much broader appeal then your case alone.


No matter how long you’ve been looking for answers, there’s always a chance that your case will be solved. Don’t give up hope. It took my family nine years to get the answers we needed—answers that only came to us when we had reached the right person on the periphery.






Angela Dove is an award-winning columnist and author of the true crime memoir, No Room for Doubt: A True Story of the Reverberations of Murder (Penguin/Berkley,2009). For more information visit www.AngelaDove.com

The Church: It’s Not Just About Money

By Charles Moncrief


The Church has always come under criticism for its failures to respond to the calls for justice by a hurting society. The critics need to be heard, especially when the Church presents obstacles to survival of domestic and other forms of violence. I would also hope to offer some ways for us all to move forward in response to some of this criticism.


Some critics charge that the Church is corrupt, basing their opinions on the few accounts of clergy who abuse their positions of trust. But for every pastor who owns a private jet, literally millions struggle to feed their families on the stipends paid to clergy. Many are bi-vocational, working a second job just to make ends meet.


Others charge that the Church is silent on matters of violence in society, and that its pastors give misleading advice to those attempting to survive their wounds. This is unfortunately true, but possibly not entirely for the reasons we might think.


Pastors in most cases have advanced degrees in theology and church leadership. These degrees come from a seminary, which may or may not include Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) in a hospital or a mental institution. They may also include specialized training in the issues a pastor might face in the world after graduation. But a four-year seminary education is simply not adequate to equip a pastor for all of the conditions that arise in the world today.
Continuing education meets some of this need, when a pastor can take a few weeks to attend courses or conferences that address the major issues of the day. Another resource is the pooling of talent among the pastoral leaders in the community, even as it causes clergy to set aside their doctrinal differences and work together. Some leaders have strengths that better address domestic violence, some are more capable of responding to grief issues, some can better assemble addiction centers, and so on.


But something else is needed. And this is the most vital. What the pastoral leaders need most is you. You know what it is to live through the human experience from one day to the next. You know what it is to face the challenges of society, how it affects your family and professional life, and where the Church is not reaching your neighbor. You know what the Church needs to provide, and where it helps and where it doesn’t.


You wouldn’t expect the clergy to visit you in a hospital if you didn’t let them know you were there. At the same time, you wouldn’t normally assume the clergy know what programs are needed by the Church to meet your family’s and your community’s needs. Open and honest communication is the key. As you let the leaders know what you need, they are more able to identify resources both within the congregation and among the other churches in the community to make an effective response.


While some leaders contend that it’s not the Church’s place to redress society’s ills, and while other leaders maintain that the Church needs to concentrate on social justice alone, it’s necessary to strike a balance. Certainly the elements of piety (relationship with God) can coexist with those of justice (relationships with our society), and in a healthy mixture of the two.


It’s also necessary to consider where we might redistribute responsibilities. What is the responsibility of the leadership? And what is the responsibility of the members?


All of this can stand revisiting. Maybe we can renew our commitment to be in conversation with each other as we face together the necessities of each coming day.

Fishing on Facebook For Victims Rights

By Karen Rae Elkins


"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves" says former US President Abraham Lincoln. Our rights seem to fade with every report of violence. The law doesn't always guarantee justice. Scores of abusive people walk the streets every day: from strangers to relatives.

There is never an excuse for Domestic Violence. EVER. Why do people question the person, usually a woman, for staying? Maybe, a more direct question should be asked, "When is it ok to hit a woman?"  NEVER.

There is too much focus on the victim of abuse and the "whys" and too little on a criminal who walks among us.  Hitting a woman is a crime, period. If you are man enough to hit a woman, you are man enough to go straight to jail.

I got a head's up from friends about a social group called " Reasons when its acceptable to punch a woman in the face,"  Growing up in a newspaper family and later working for a newspaper, the freedom of speech was explained to me as a born right.

Words are powerful. Words determine the way you think. The way you think, determines the way you feel. The way you feel, builds images in your mind. Those images produce an action.

What would you do?  I was torn. Which side of the coin would I chose? Do I protect my rights as a writer/artist and ignore the facebook page? Or, do I protect women from all forms of violence? What if someone deemed my blog as hatred and used my words against me? How would I feel? What if I did nothing and a woman who is currently in a violent situation realizes that her abuser is a fan of the Facebook page? How would I feel? The criminal among us has just been validated for illegal behavior. It's just not good policy to promote and make light of a situation that often results in a violent death for others.

I checked for friends in common! SSSShhhew, There were none. However, the page had over 20,000 fans. The group was brutal. There was a list of 60 reasons. The admin claimed it was a joke as he stated in reason #59:

Acceptable Reason 59, "Making and joining a petition group to take this group down for promoting violence when its clearly a joke :P"  In his closing statement he removed reason 60,  *The last joke removed cus it went too far* and as you read these, remember someone who abuses their partner isn't worth anything but despise."

Advocates against violence spend long hours undoing the effects of violence. Jokes don't usually hurt, they produce laughter. I questioned my feelings. Was I too close to the situation to be objective?

I was not willing to let this sleeping dog lie. There was nothing funny about threats of violence.

Isn't that the way violence starts, a simple threat?  Anyone who hits a woman will do just about anything.

The group was removed from facebook within days. On that day, many advocates could breathe a sigh of relief and say "Gotcha"!  Ah... that is such a fishing phrase. You see, we are all fishermen in one respect or another. Some fish for victims of abuse, others fish for a cure for cancer. While yet another group champions children's issues or the soldier who volunteers for service in our Armed Forces because he believes in America.

I chose not to re-publish many of the acceptable reasons to hit a woman in my article. They have said enough. Remember, I believe there is no reason ever, to hit a woman. The admin mentioned "the last one removed cus it went too far". They opened the door so I'm going to close it. You be the judge.

Acceptable Reason # 60. ONLY REASON TO NOT HIT A WOMAN IN THE FACE…when she’s pregnant…..punch her in the stomach.

I wonder? When did doing the right thing, become wrong? What happened to chivalry? Where is the love?

Enough said, It's time to just go fishing for bass in the lake I grew up on... breathe a sign of relief and say to the bass, "Gotcha."  

Time's Up until next time, fish steady. Love, Karen 

Twitter and Facebook “TMI”—Watch What you Write!

By Michelle Simonsen

CONSIDER IT--IT'S POSSIBLE
 

If you are a Twitter or Facebook user, most of us are guilty of this.
 

TMI. Too much information.
 

“Hey all! I’m going to Chicago this weekend!” 

“I’m off to a party!” 

“Going on vacation for a week!” 

We innocently tell our “friends” what we are doing and where we are going constantly. Our society is at an all-time high with the insurmountable and overwhelming abundance of “information overload”. 

You are thinking, “It’s not a big deal….these are my ‘friends’, right?” 

I challenge you to look closely at your entire friend list on Twitter or Facebook. Sure, you’ve got your real “friends and family”, but I’d be willing to bet you have people listed as “friends” you barely know, are slight acquaintances with, or maybe just “internet friends” you “think” you know, but in reality DON’T know. 

One internet site discussed this very topic and a commenter wrote:
 

“My best friends are people I've met online. Met one on WoW and have known him for 2 years, and the other…I've known him for nearly 5 years. I feel closer to both of these people than anybody I know…and I don't see that ever changing.”
 

http://wowriot.gameriot.com/blogs/Nobbehs-world/Internet-Friends-Real-Life-Friends
 

Be honest with yourself. Do you really KNOW these people? Is the innocent “twittering” and “facebook updates” of your personal information getting into the wrong hands?
 

What if? 

“I’m going to a party at 222 Walnut St. tonight!” 

Suppose someone on your “friend list” sees the information of your evening excursion? What if this information becomes the direct cause of an assault, rape, robbery or any other criminal victimization against you?
 

What if? 

“I’m headed to Hawaii for a week! Can’t wait!” 

What if that “friend” reads that you will be gone for an extended time; right down to the details of when you will be gone, and when you will return. Knowing your house or apartment will be empty is a criminal’s dream come true. It’s not hard to locate a person’s address online; thus you may have a potential burglary at hand. 

By giving too much “TMI”, this will only set you up for a potentially bad or harmful situation. If you feel it necessary to tell friends you will be out of town or what you are planning on doing or going, think about emailing them individually. 

“Twitter” and “Facebook” are not bad things.  Just look at how you use it, become aware, and act responsibly.  You’re smarter than that, right?

Daddy’s Girls

By Lavinia Masters




On Valentine’s Day of 2007…Tyler Perry came out with a movie called Daddy’s Little Girls. The movie in short was about a single father that had 3 little girls that meant the whole world to him. In the movie this father showed that he was willing to do anything for the safety, care and well being of his three daughters…and after viewing the movie myself… I was convinced that this father was willing to not only sacrifice his freedom and all that he had for his daughters, but that he was even willing sacrifice his life so that his girls would be able to live without the abuse, ridicule and shame that their mother and her boyfriend had put upon them.


The dictionary defines a father as man who is a parent… or a male parent of a human being… it also states that that the adjective “paternal” refers to father, parallel to “maternal” for mother.


However, I want to stop and pose a couple of questions to you today…or give you some things to think about….one is… what is the definition of a father to you? or how do you define a father? And now that you’ve answered or thought about that question, my second question is this, do you consider yourself a daddy’s girl? Or are you one of daddy’s little girls?


Growing up I did not have the pleasure of that father daughter relationship or bond that all of you may havehad, mainly because my father divorced my mother before I was old enough to even know who he was. I never knew the joy of going to a father daughter dance or experiencing the bond of a father praising his daughter for my strengths and exposing me to the working world. Oh, how I use to envy other little girls as their daddys would swoop them up in their arms and laugh and play for what would seem like forever.

Unfortunately, as I began to get older, I began to accept the hand that I was dealt in life and one of them was this… that I was not a daddy’s girl…I didn’t even know if he loved me, I didn’t even know if he cared or remembered me and, by the time I began junior high, I had literally detached myself of the idea of even having a father…until the night of July 31, 1985.


This was night that tragedy struck, this was night that my life was held in balance by the hands of a deranged rapist, the night my innocence was violated, the night I thought all hope was lost, the night I wanted and cried for my daddy.


Even though I did not have Timothy Ray Mangum to rescue me on this horrific night, I had a man by the name of Jesus Christ to that heard my call.




Now before I go any further, let me stop to tell you that this story is not intended to depress or get you down you, I promise, my purpose today is to empower and uplift you with my testimony because I now know that I am a part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that I should show forth the praises of Him who hath called me out of darkness to a marvelous light.


The reason I can proclaim this is because although I did not have that relationship with my earthly father that I was speaking of, I thank God that I had that spiritual bond with my heavenly father, that bond that no man can break.


It was April 2003, when I got the call that my biological father was dying of lung cancer and he wanted to see me before his demise. Was it to tell me that he was sorry that he was not there for any of my birthdays? Maybe he wanted to say that he regrets that he missed my wedding day where I had to have a proxy father stand in for him to give his angel away or possibly that he was sorry that he missed the birth of his grandson.


Whatever the reason he wanted to see me, but I missed the opportunity because the week during the time my oldest brother and I were to make the trip to Amarillo, Texas, he passed. I remember when I got the call at work, I began to cry. I was confused because how could I shed tears for a man that I knew nothing about but his name? How did I have the strength to tell my aunts, yes, I would travel to Waco and make his arrangements and pick his suit to bury him in. How did I stand over his body at the funeral home and kiss him goodbye, what was wrong with me!


You see, if there is one thing that I have learned to do as a child of God, that is to show unconditional love towards my fellow man and that forgiveness has its place in everything, yes even in the case of my “missing” daddy. I do not know nor understand the choices he made in life and why he chose not to be a part of mine, but I do know that, in the end, he tried to reach out to me for whatever the reasons. I also know that just as Christ has forgiven me and given me the opportunity to eternal life…He could have extended that same opportunity to my biological dad. The healing from his death came through my forgiving of his non existence in my life and the only way that I could have done that was through the love that my heavenly father has shown towards me!


So today I know that I am a daddy’s girl because I have a Father that sits high and looks low... a Father that can take away all my tears and fears…past and present. I have a Father that is with me when I am strong and picks me up when I too weak to carry myself. My Father is omnipotent, omnipresent and can do anything but fail! I love my Heavenly Father because He has taught me to love my earthly father in spite of the circumstances and no matter what he has done in the past or hasn’t done for me it does not take away what God has created me to be in the present….a loving, healthy and happy daddy’s girl!


Finally, to all the little girls, young ladies and women reading this empowering message…maybe you were victimized sexually by your daddy or hurt by his physical abuse, or whatever pain or trauma that the man you loved and trusted as your father in your life inflicted upon you…know that he does not have the final say so in your life, do not give him that authority ,take back what rightfully belongs to you…your sanity, your integrity, your life!


Know that although failure came through the hands of your earthly father…that there is no failure in your HEAVENLY FATHER…so yes you, too, are a daddy’s girl!