Self-Worth; Fight For It, Damn It!

By Anny Jacoby

Why do so many women feel that they are not worthy? How did they lose their self-worth? Is it because of the way the world has portrayed a perfect women "today"? Is it because someone took it from them? Is that the void some fill by over eating? Did their partner breach a trust? Did their partner demean them with insults about how they look? Did their partner admire other women? Did they grow up being ridiculed by a family member? Have they been suffering from a controlling illness? Were they bullied and criticized through their school years? Were they sexually abused as a child? Were they laughed at in a moment of vulnerability? Were they ever raped or abused?

"Self-worth" is a word that is so much easier to say and spell than it is to feel.

All of the above experiences mentioned and so many more play a major part of pouring a woman's self-worth right down the toilet. The people causing these kind of negative actions are totally responsible for destroying and tearing down a woman's worth. To destroy or tear down a woman's self-worth is one of the cruelest ways to treat a human being. It is a no win situation for that woman. She cannot fight back. She is attacked blindfolded. Humiliation has succeeded - the battle is won. Anyone can win against innocence. When the battle turns around is when the true win begins. A true win is when a woman who has lost her self-worth stands up and takes the control back.

You are not responsible for falling or losing the battle. But YOU ARE TOTALLY responsible for getting back up. It is you that has to pull it together. You need to go back as far as you can in your mind that puts a smile on your face, remembering those "warm and fuzzy", happy times. If you can't then think of someone that you know that is hurting more deeply than yourself and use that as your motivation. Allow yourself to go there in your mind. Use these thoughts to give you reason to get up. Your self-worth IS worth fighting for.

Yes, perhaps you have been hurt, disappointed and raped of one of your most sacred emotions, SELF-WORTH. NOW YOU WANT IT BACK, SO TAKE IT BACK! It is right inside of you. You just have to bury the memories and pain under all of your dirty laundry. You can continue to feel empty, use drugs, alcohol or even food to fill that void inside of you. You can miss out on life because you are forgetting to fight and it is so much easier to have a pity party.

You can worry about if you try to gain back your self-worth that you will fail and feel even more lonely. You may fail the first try, second or even the third. You feel that it's all hopeless. If you give into that feeling, then you are truly letting yourself down as well as others that love and care for you. YOU have now become responsible for losing your chance at regaining YOUR self-worth. You are allowing whatever it was that tore you apart in the first place to take control of all of you and your soul. You are allowing a memory to defeat you. There is no person there, just a thought. Why are you doing this? You know that you can stop it. You know how!

The strength of negative thinking is overwhelming and controlling in itself. I have felt it's power many, many times. Honestly, to the point that I could hardly feel myself breath. That was when I knew that I, and only I could stop it and take back the control of MY DESTINY.

For those that have been through a battle and are struggling or may have struggled to just get up on an elbow, feeling empty inside and so alone that you wonder why you even got up today............YOU CAN AND WILL BEAT THIS!

GAINING BACK YOUR SELF-WORTH

You must look inside of yourself and dig for the real you. Don't dig for the you has been scarred, wounded or hurt but the you that can smile, laugh and appreciate all of the good things in life. If you will just open your positive side and allow the great things to reach you the feeling will truly be uplifting. The more positive thoughts that you fill yourself with, the less negative thoughts can't nor won't survive.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off; you must move onto HABITS - positive habits of thinking. You must also be honest with your bad habits, what they are and where they are taking you. Identify them and how they are bringing you down, instead of up. The bad habits you have allowed to run your life. Now, as you have invited them in, you will un-invite them.

You must reconstruct your thought patterns to think WIN, not to lose. Immediately remove the words, "give up" from your vocabulary and replace them with "NEVER GIVE UP!" You must make a new commitment to yourself, the only one that you can reach out and touch!

You will always be stronger than your greatest weaknesses. Those weaknesses will never win again against your strengths..........NEVER!

To strengthen the mental you, you must strengthen the physical you. I am not referring to becoming a body builder or a full bore athlete. I simply mean a healthier you, A YOU THAT YOU WANT TO BE!

You must always remember, whatever it was that brought you down in yourself is in the past. If you continue to allow the pain to live inside of you, you will suffer. The past is over and there is no suffering on your part that will erase it. Get on with life. Reach deep inside of yourself and bring back the who YOU are.

Bring back the person YOU can smile in the mirror at.

Bring back the person YOU talk to all of the time.

Bring back the person that YOU were meant to be.

Bring back YOU, and then.......YOU WILL HAVE YOUR SELF-WORTH BACK - FIGHT FOR IT, DAMN IT!

"You can't conquer what you can't confront."

Take care and STAY SAFE!

"The Elephant in the Room"

By Susan Murphy-Milano

Society provides wellness and support for those whom are survivors of various types of illiness, but what about crime survivors? Everyday, people are impacted by violent crimes such as rape, robbery, felony assault, hate crimes, domestic violence and child abuse. For victims of crimes they require healing that goes deeper than simply bringing the person responsible to justice. Crime survivors often find themselves grappling with difficult questions: How am I suppose to move on with my life? What will happen next? Will I ever feel safe again? Where can I get information? What are my rights? Who will simply listen to me and respect my feelings and decisions? Why is surviving a violent crime always the silent "elephant" in a room?

HOW TO SUPPORT A SURVIVOR OF CRIME

Ask them to talk about what happend to them. Listen and support what they are sharing with you. Do not offer opinions, judgements or advice about what you hear and read about in other cases or the news. Encourage the person to describe what they: Saw . . Heard . . . Thought . . . Smelled . . . Felt . . .

It is important to tell them they are valued and your caring for them has not changed. Tell them how much you appreciate them as a person and in your life.

Simply listen: Listen to his or her emotions as well as the story.

Understand that people communicate in other ways than with their words. Try to understand and take cues from your loved one's expressions and body language. Maybe they are nervous and figiting with their hands embarrassed by the crime. or afraid you will judge them merely because they are disclosing something they feel is embarassing. Take your hands and hold theirs as they speak to you.

Encourage them to set priorities and problem-solve with input from family and close friends.
Allow time to heal. Don’t tell them to "get over it." Remember that every day they may be re-experiencing the event through dreams, memories, emotions or injuries that take time to heal.

No one expects a broken bone to heal over night, but often people expect loved ones to "get over" trauma after a day or two.

Think of healing as a group issue, not an individual one. As a caring person, you are impacted too. Take time for yourself, be gentle with yourself and with others.

Facilitate support from your church, family members and friends.

Laughter as Ward Foley author of "Thank My Lucky Scars" and Why God Did Not Make Me a Woman Because I have Enough Problems" will tell you humor is the best medicine. Use humor (preferably not about the event.) Try to lighten up if you can. And whatever you do if you cannot say something nice then zipper up your lip and keep it to yourself.

Give hugs daily.

After some time has passed, review what has happened. Concentrate on how each person has changed or grown.

Crime Survivors often lack an appetite. And they will not eat, especially if they are isolated or left alone for long periods of time. Make their favorite meal and eat with them.

Surviving a violent crime takes courage and inner strength.

Plan outside activities, even if it is a walk around the block. Fresh air and excercise are very important.

Look on the Internet and research support groups of crime or assualt. Talk to the person about joining a group or ongoing discussion.

Plants and flowers in a home of a crime victim survivor are also very important. Perhaps create a project and plant blubs and flowers in their yard. Create a garden of items that they might enjoy that you could create on a window sill. It does not always have to be in a yard. Consider asking the church for volunteers to help with things from their garden that a person might enjoy.

Crime Victims deal with the aftermath three hundred and sixty-five days a year, seven days a week. Providing friendship and hope for just one day is a day less of painful thought and memory in the mind of a crime victim survivor.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

The Thanksgiving Tradition

By Charles Moncrief

 

What are you thankful for? Frankly, I’m uncomfortable with the tradition in which everyone around the dinner table says “I’m thankful for _____.” Even though I’ve started the process, it’s not one of the things I face with joyful anticipation. So this is not to get the ball rolling when I give you my partial list.

 

I’m thankful for the vision of those who set up this site to benefit victims of crime and violence.

 

I’m thankful for the wonderful articles and essays I’ve read here, with the prospect of greater things ahead as this site continues to get traction in the community.

 

And I’m thankful to be numbered among the list of contributing writers.

 

Out of respect for the adversities you may have faced, I’ll tread softly in my invitation to consider the things for which you’re thankful. All the same, I’ll extend the invitation. I’ll also acknowledge that, while we’ve all had to deal with some harsh realities in our lives, we don’t have to be defined by them. I’ve found this in my own experience, and I’ve seen it affirmed in the writings on this site.

 

It reminds me of the story in Mark 7:32-36. After Jesus healed a man’s hearing and speech impairment, he told everyone not to publish this. The reason may have been in part that the man had been known as “the deaf and dumb guy,” and Jesus didn’t want him to be known as “the former deaf and dumb guy.” He wanted the man to be known by his given name, rather than by his affliction, and he wanted to give him the opportunity to return to his community simply as a man.

 

How often do we think of ourselves in terms of what we’ve been through, or what we’ve done? One aspect of our Kairos prison ministry is that we teach the inmates that they aren’t defined by their crimes. The “thief” learns that he’s a human being who has committed theft. The “murderer” comes to know himself as a human being who has committed murder. It’s a subtle distinction, and it’s hardly a comfort to his victims, but it helps the person come to terms with who he is and what he’s done. He still faces the consequences of his actions. But for those who aren’t serving life sentences, the recidivism rate for this ministry is under ten per cent.

 

If this principle is effective for those who committed crimes, maybe it can be applied to crime victims as well. The “abused wife” is the woman who experienced abuse. The “robbery victim” is the human being who was robbed. I know this sounds unrealistic, and it comes off as an attempt to put on rose-colored glasses. But it’s real, and I challenge you to try it.

 

Getting back to the story in Mark, Jesus spoke one of the few Aramaic words recorded in the Bible. The word is “ephphathah,” translated approximately as “be opened.” I’ll ask you to be open to a new self-image as we go forward through Thanksgiving and the remaining winter holidays. And realistic or not, I’ll be optimistic about the results.

 

Grace and Peace,

Charles+

Innocence Lost

By Gaetane Borders

In the news this week was the story of an adorable 5-year-old girl named Shaniya Davis. The whole world was, seemingly, glued to the news networks because it had been reported that Shaniya had been abducted.

There was hope that she was still alive because a surveillance photo of her being carried by a man into a hotel elevator was released. The man in the video was 29-year-old Mario Andrette McNeill.

By now the world knows that, sadly, Shaniya’s body was found in the woods located near Walker Road off of N.C. 87. Her mother, Antoinette Davis was charged with human trafficking, felony child abuse involving prostitution, filing a false police report and interfering with a police investigation. Mario McNeill was arrested on first-degree kidnapping charges. The unthinkable was brought to light! A mother allegedly sold her child for sex. Her baby… How could this happen? Surely it was an isolated incident…right?

Shaniya’s tragic story is disturbing to say the least. Yet, unfortunately, it is not unique nor uncommon. However, it has forced people to acknowledge that this sort of thing does ABSOLUTELY happen. The image of her…helpless, scared, and petite…being carried by McNeill is graphic and visual proof that there are individuals who prey on children of all ages. Despicable, nauseating, infuriating…but a reality of the world in which we live.

The fight to end the issue of the sex labor industry is not a new one. The Innocence Lost National Initiative started in 2003 to address child sex trafficking in the U.S. Recently, the FBI, its local and state law enforcement partners, and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) worked together as part of the Innocence Lost National Initiative. The operation included enforcement actions in 36 cities across 30 FBI divisions around the country, and led to the recovery of 52 children who were being victimized through prostitution. Additionally, nearly 700 others, including 60 pimps, were arrested on state and local charges. To date, the 34 Innocence Lost Task Forces and Working Groups have recovered nearly 900 children from the streets. The investigations and subsequent 510 convictions have resulted in lengthy sentences, including multiple 25-years-to-life sentences and the seizure of more than $3.1 million in assets. Yet, this is only the tip of the iceberg. The FBI estimates that well over 100,000 children and young women are sex trafficked every day.

So now that we have acknowledged that this crime is prevalent…let’s talk about it in more specifics. Who are these heinous individuals that buy and sell children? They are called traffickers, and are defined as those who recruit, transport, receive, and exploit victims, often using force, threats, or other physical and psychological methods of control. Traffickers include a wide range of criminals, including individual pimps, family operations, small businesses, loose-knit decentralized criminal networks, and international organized criminal operations. They are driven by two primary factors: high profits and low risk.

Who are the victims? There is no one consistent face of a trafficking victim. Trafficked persons can be rich or poor, men or women, adults or children, or foreign nationals or U.S. citizens. Some are well educated with college degrees, while others have no formal education. Although anyone can fall prey to trafficking, victims tend to come from vulnerable populations such as runaways, at-risk youth, the poor, and oppressed and marginalized groups. Traffickers often target individuals in these populations because they are reportedly easiest to recruit and control.

Although the research shows that the disenfranchised are often targeted, don’t think that something like this could not happen to you and your middle to upper middle class family. There is a false sense of security that many of us tend to have because we feel that our circle of elite friends and family and large brick homes buffer us from the inherent cruelty of the world. Here is the reality, however. If you at any time allow your child to spend time on the Internet unsupervised…you have potentially allowed your child to interact with traffickers. I plead with you to install Internet filter programs such as Net Nanny or Cyber Patrol so that you can monitor everything that your child accesses online. Although your child might call you overprotective and you might feel as though you are smothering them…rest assured that you would rather be a nagging overprotective parent than one who is mourning their child’s murder or abduction.

Rest in peace Shaniya…and the millions and millions of Shaniya’s who are out there as well.

Parent with Love,

Gaétane

A Day of Thanksgiving: Oh My Soul I Still Give Thanks

By Pamela Chapman


As I pondered upon what message or thought I would share for my next piece, at first I thought about continuing with my last contribution. I thought I’d share some information to help move you forward using journaling. We will still delve into that subject but since we are in the Thanksgiving season, I am inspired to go there instead.


While there may be some controversy around what Thanksgiving Day is and what it represents, I believe our history books are consistent in this. Those who settled in the Plymouth Colony were not entrepreneurs like those who settled in Jamestown. They were those who were fleeing religious persecution and seeking a place to worship as they saw fit. Many of the events and traditions surrounding Plymouth Colony have become part of American history including Thanksgiving, hence Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks and express gratitude in general.


Thanksgiving ushers in the holidays and for many of us, myself included, it brings haunting memories. Many of us are grieving. I need not list what I believe that grieving might be. Unfortunately, many of us have a difficult time finding anything to give thanks for or celebrate about this time of year.


Please do not take this as me being some expert telling you what you have to do and what you should do. I have suffered much grief and much pain in my fifty plus years of living. I’ve cried enough tears for several oceans let alone rivers. I still cry. Often time, now, my tears are tears of refreshing. I cry tears that represent my “how I got over,” and my tears often represent tears of thanksgiving. However, I still cry intercessory tears.


Even as I write this piece, I cry. I cry for the woman who has lost her child due to some lost soul not seeing her baby as the precious jewel they are and will always be. I cry for the parents and siblings who don’t know where there loved ones are today and there is no closure. I even cry for the soul who is so confused, full of hate and turmoil that must harm others in order to feel fulfilled. I cry for the nation who cannot see their children and women as jewels and treasures who should be cherished and protected. I cry for the nations who believe human beings should be sold and bought like commodities. However, in spite of it all, I still give thanks.


I give thanks that today I opened my eyes and took a new breath. I give thanks because today I know that the Universe sends new mercy. I give thanks because I have a roof over my head and food in the refrigerator. I give thanks because I have an eight-six-year old mother who last year this time wasn’t expected to live. I give thanks that I have a handsome son, beautiful daughter-in-law and five incredibly beautiful grandchildren who are driving my son crazy paying him back for all the times he drove me crazy. I give thanks that in spite of what my son has come through and what I have come through we still have our wits about us, our self-confidence and our self-worth.


No, it didn’t come without some realigning, but I am thankful and we are moving on. I give thanks that in spite of all the challenges this great nation faces, I can still open my laptop this morning and freely express what my heart wants to say to you today. I give thanks to all Supreme Intelligence and all Powerful Creator who has sent me to love and to heal and to be a light amongst the lights. I give thanks that you, the amazingly and wonderfully made, are in and part of my life. I am thankful for You, your love and your complete healing.


Oh my soul, I still give thanks.




In Love & Light


Pamela Chapman, CTACC, CDVS
Self-Esteem and Life-Transition Expert, Teacher, Author

"The House on Gilmore Street"

By Susan Murphy Milano

The front lawn of the house was filled with autumn leaves. The windows were covered with handmade decorations the children made of pumpkins, turkeys, indian's and pilgrams. For the two young boys who once lived in the house on Gilmore street, fall was their favorite time of year. The boys ages 9 and 7 loved to roll around and play in the leaves before it was time to rake them up and fill the trash bags. They also knew the holidays were drawing near. Thanksgiving couldn't come fast enough because they knew Christmas was not far behind and for the boys that meant Santa Claus and lots of presents under the tree.

But things would be very different this year. The house on Gilmore street was not decorated and the autum leaves, undisturbed, except when a wind came to blow and scatter them to a different spot on the lawn. The house even as I drove past was different, dark with one large silver trash can sitting at the base of the driveway instead of the usual three filled to its' brim waiting for its scheduled pick-up on garbage day. There were no decorations on the windows and the only light you could see was at the far end of the house.

This will be the first of many holidays without her two boys, Jack and Duncan for their mother, Amy Lichtenberg. Their lives were taken away abruptly by a mans anger and rage. In the aftermath of a heated and contested divorce, the boys father during a court order visitation would, under protest, from Amy for the boys safety, be under a judge's order to allow unsupervised weekend visits.


The last time Amy saw her two boys alive, that motherly instinct took over and she knew something was not right. The father of the boys was acting strange when they met at the police station for the exchange of Jack and Duncan. Amy refused to hand over her boys on March 7, 2009, an officer threatened her if she didn't give them to their father, she would be arrested for not complying with a judge's according to her lawyer.

Remarkably, Amy Leichtenberg, under the circumstances is doing fairly well for a mother who just lost her entire world. When she and I talk she says " I will not let that monster who destroyed my life, win. That's what he wanted you know, (she says with great conviction) , he thought without my kids I would wither and die. Well I hope he is rotting in hell someplace for what he did and I am going to make each day on earth count, for my kids. For other parents so they won''t have to endure what I have. I am going to get laws past so that a person who is not mentally stable like their father was, has no access to children. The same way a predator is dealt within the justice system and denyed contact with children."

In an hour long radio interview back in September, Amy provided hope, strength and determination for those facing difficult custody battles with the court system. Frankly, I had a difficult time remaining composed as I asked very personal and painful questions of a mother whom had lost her children just a few short months before the interview.

The house on Gilmore street will never again hear the laughter of children. A mother will never wait in the kitchen as the kids run in after school only to run out again and play before it gets dark. This mother will never prepare another favorite meal of macaroni and cheese let alone a holiday feast. Those days are gone. The lights that once burned brightly from within this house, are now but a memory.

I thought it would be a nice idea if people reading this could take a moment and send an inspiring email or words of comfort to this remarkable mother, who needs for all of us to keep her in our daily prayers. Emails to Amy can be sent to our address here: timesupblog@gmail.com and we will forward them on to her.


Interview with Amy Leichtenberg

At the Bleeding Edge of Victim Rights

By Randy McCall

I'll apologize beforehand for what may sound like an overly descriptive -- not to say violent -- term, but bleeding edge could not be a more appropriate phrase for my topic today.

It is a term, usually found in the computer and technical fields, for technology and software so new, so different, so untested, that the user assumes some risk in working on it. In other words, they're knowingly taking a risk in using the new technology, hoping the potential benefits will outweigh the possible costs.

In the realm of crime victim assistance, we can apply this phrase to those people who are working at pushing back the outer boundaries of available victim rights, by directly challenging the system as it stands. Sometimes they have to do this from outside the criminal justice system; at other times, the person is a member of the very system they want to see changed.

In the world of technology, the risk we speak of is the loss of data, of the work you've already done.

For advocates working at the bleeding edge of rights advocacy, the risk is different. Tackling government, courts and the legal system, with all their combined power, prestige, connections and funds, is daunting. The hope of the advocate is to broadcast their message, to reach the public and touch their hearts, and to gather enough support to their cause that government is moved to change the process.

The risk for the advocate at the bleeding edge is more than just failure to achieve their goals of change. It's the danger of being publicly labeled and dismissed: "crackpot", "over-emotional", "extremist". Of being shut out from the chance of making effective change through official agencies refusing to deal with them. Of losing funding, sponsors or helpers, or losing the chance of obtaining future positions from which to work on systemic change.

At the extreme edge, there is even the risk of contempt-of-court or other charges, of prosecution, and of fines or incarceration.

Yet, even with the risks involved, people continue to work at pushing the envelope of victim rights, extending and increasing the ability of victims to have at least some control of their cases, and by extension, a larger feeling of control in their lives. These people are not found in any one country; indeed, there are people working on the bleeding edge of victim rights in countries around the world.

What these people achieve has ramifications far beyond their own countries. In the fight for victim rights, the achievement of a new right in one country sets an international precedent. Advocates in other countries point to the achievement and say "they won that right, why can't we?".

And so the world changes.

In an earlier post on the Time's Up blog, I mentioned how the World Society of VictimologyINTERVICT (with others) are working towards a UN Convention on Victim Rights.

In New Zealand, the father of a murder victim is fighting to change the laws on victim impact statements, after having his own statement heavily edited by the court. Under heavy public scrutiny, the government is examining the situation and considering changes to the law.

In the United Kingdom, Sara Payne, the mother of a girl murdered by a pedophile, was appointed to the position of Victim's Commissioner. She has issued a 51 page report, Redefining Justice which essentially recommends a complete revamping of the UK justice system to provide integrated support to victims of crime, as well as strengthening application of laws on certain types of crime. The UK Home Office has politely received her report and recommendations, but without effusive support or fanfare.

These people and organizations -- and many, many others -- are operating at the extreme bleeding edge of victim rights. Success in their endeavors will be met with thanks and congratulations, then the duplication of those rights in other countries.

Failure is an option none wish to consider. Without risk there can be no reward, and they take these risks so we do not.

Soul Pieces: Intuitive Life Coaching

By Jillian Maas Backman

When I was asked to become a part of the contributing team of professionals to write for Time’s Up, I accepted under the auspices of scripting from my professional technical background in the field of intuitive life coaching, my degree is Psychology and the wellness field I have been associated with over 20 years.

Ahhh…..Life is funny that way – I set forth with pre-conceived expectations and upon arriving, destiny changes my play into something quite different - and in this case - greater than I anticipated. 

I can proudly say that I belong to a group of professionals that have blazed a new trail in life transformation: intuitive life coaching. By combining my natural, intuit sensing, life experiences and my degree in Psychology, I have been able to advise hundreds along the way, suggesting helpful life solutions to make their challenges less debilitating and filling their future with hope.

For many of you, the only information you have heard about our work in the field of abolishing domestic violence are “psychics in the corner, giving cryptic readings on where to find lost bodies left behind by monsters of evil.” We’re all as diverse in the field of intuitive science as the rest of you are in your chosen careers.

Let me demonstrate this point with my personal story: 

Soul Piece Number 1: Natural Intuit Sensing

The majority of my childhood was spent inside the context of a church building.  You see, my father is a Christian minister.  If I was not doing normal kid stuff, you would find me with the congregation, helping and playing in the midst of white light.  At a very young age, I can remember sensing all kinds of energy around me everywhere I went.  I really did not think much about it.  It was a part of me - separate from me - but yet, simultaneously, all of me. Each and every day I thank God source for allowing me to have such capabilities and to be able to share what is shown to me to heal others.

Soul Piece Number Two: Life Experiences

It really does not matter how much you think you know, or in my case, how much is shown to you that you should know.  There are human events we all go through simply because we must. My life, of course, is no exception.  Imagine being shown the way, and your human ego thinks it is stronger, wiser and can manipulate any situation. You stumble down the path, being forewarned by your strong intuit sensing, and you still make the choice to push forward…

My own involvement in a dating relationship had it roots planted firmly in the abusive garden of all varieties: emotional, mental, physical and spiritual.  Like anyone else, the embarrassment and shame were in the forefront of my story whenever I chose to re-live the terrifying moments in my mind.  I took the necessary steps to heal the wounds left behind and have never looked back since… until destiny came calling once again.

One of my regular clients came to me one day with a heavy burden and a request.  Her only daughter had been murdered several weeks prior to her coming to my office.  Law enforcement was having great difficulty in finding the body of her child and she asked if I could use my special talents to help locate and solve this case.  Immediately, images starting flying into my consciousness uncontrollably.  I did my best to help solve this horrific crime.   More importantly, I discovered something about myself through this experience: before this crucial event, it was my understanding that intuit sensing should be available for anyone at anytime for any circumstance.  It was at this moment I realized every intuitive gift has a higher purpose.  My heart and mind cannot handle the grass roots work in the field locating a lost loved one. I proudly use my intuitive talent on the second layer, to the best of my abilities, to heal the wounds and the holes left in people’s lives in the wake of their tragedy.

Soul Piece Number Three:  Release Judgments

Working with an intuitive life coach can be an incredible investment for the health and well-being of your self and your family, if you look at it this way:

1) Define your needs.  Are you at the beginning, desperately trying to locate a missing loved one; A survivor working through events from your past; Or a family member living with your own inner issues and seeking resolutions?

2) Identify an intuitive life coach that specializes in this field of expertise. Incredible work is being done all over the world by intuitives that specialize in missing person cases.  

 

3) Assess information given by an intuitive as you would any other professional - if you are ill, you go to several different physicians for their opinions - same thought applies here. When we are in crisis, we turn to several different sources to find answers. Rarely does anyone act upon just one lineage of thought. Think about it this way: intuitive information is one of your “tools” in your proverbial “toolbox of choices.”  In the end, it is solely your responsibility to select wise choices for your future.

4) Release judgments. I understand that it is a challenge for many of you to comprehend the origin from which my capacities come.  Believe me - for many years, I questioned them myself.  However, after running as fast as I could from who I was, realizing it was a big waste of time, then finally fully loving who and what I have become, I take great pride in serving others with my awakened faculties.     

So thank you for allowing me to share with you. Many blessings to you all, I look forward to growing with you.

 

The Empowerment Of Understanding Fear - Don't Allow It To Steal Your Dreams

By Anny Jacoby

Whether you get stung by a bee or simply watch as a friend gets stung, you might start to run and hide every time a bee buzzes across your path. Why do you do this? It turns out that your brain areas that respond when fear is learned through personal experience are also triggered when we see someone else afraid. This definitely explains why some people are afraid of things like spiders and snakes despite little contact with them.

You learn fear by observing other people's emotional expressions that can be as effective as having direct experiences yourself. This certainly explains one of the reasons why a lot of people have phobias of certain kinds of stimuli, such as rape, assault, abuse, stalking, abduction and much more. Just the thought of the aforementioned makes individuals extremely uncomfortable and justly so.

Fear is defined as an emotional response to an unknown or impending danger or as in expectation of harm or evil. Fear can create feelings of apprehension, anxiety, alarm, dread, fright or terror. When you are in fear, you are scared of someone, something or a potential outcome.

We all experience fear at one point in time or another. Actually, fear is a great way to keep us from hurting ourselves. Fear keeps us from putting our hand on the hot burner of the stove. It keeps us from jumping from high places, or leaves us tentative when going into a darkened room. These types of fears are good. They keep us safe. They make us think before we do, knowing full well the potential outcome and repercussions of our actions.

We can experience fear of closed in spaces such as elevators, afraid of the water or flying in airplanes. Fear is a reaction or response to some previous life experience or trauma or even the thought of any potential dangerous situation. Fear can impact us in many ways and it can steal our dreams. The bottom line is.......fear takes away our choices. It can keep us from doing the things we want or need to do for ourselves. It limits us, constrains us and can end up ruling our lives. It can consume our energy and enjoyment of life, leaving us experiencing additional unexplainable stress, frustration or feeling just plain stuck in the mud.

Being in or living in fear is all about choices. You can choose to move forward, or you can choose to stand still marking time.

Fear does not have to be a "freeze" mechanism that prevents a beneficial reaction. One must decide what frightens you more - being dominated, injured or killed by an assailant/batterer, or taking a risk and fighting back. You may hurt yourself somehow by protecting yourself against your assailant, his knife might nick your ear, a bullet from his gun may graze your head, or you might end up with bruises and your body sore; but you're chance of being alive is much greater than not. Learning personal safety (realistic self-defense) mentally and physically is a means to escape and ultimate survival. If you are too scared to react defensively and decide to remain under an assailant's control - he will have his way with you. Your mind can be more dangerous than your assailant. You must turn your fear into an effective reaction thus allowing yourself to be empowered.

Psychological fear leads to doubt and hesitation. Unchecked it can result in anxiety and/or panic. When you begin to doubt yourself you start to think, "What if I lose?", "What if I get hurt?". Thoughts of this sort must be eliminated from your vocabulary. You must remain positive, assertive and focus on the ability to motivate yourself=empowerment.

Miraculous things happen to those who consciously choose to overcome your fears and embrace them. You gain certainty in your safety skills, abilities and downfalls.

What do you fear? Perhaps it's time to turn on the light and step through the door of empowerment.

"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."

-----Karl A. Menninger

Take care and STAY SAFE!

A Terrible Case of GOOD vs. EVIL

Victoria Joelle Larson, Born February 8, 1969 - Killed July 12, 1979

By Cherry Simpson

Why does God allow evil to prevail in this world? It’s an eternal question, which means it’s not likely we’ll be able to answer it, in this lifetime.

Victoria Joelle Larson was born Feb 8, 1969. Her mother Dora Larson told me ”Vicki had a beaming smile, sunlit, she was my special gift from God, a sweet, giving, innocent child.” Dora had so many hopes and dreams for her little girl; dreams for a long and happy life together, and a future.

On July 12, 1979, Vicki was walking home after her brother’s little league game in the tiny town of Andover, IL. It was then Evil crossed Vicki’s path - his name was Scott Darnell. He was someone she knew, he visited his grandparent’s often, he’d been to Vicki’s house, and Vicki knew he had a crush on her older sister. Darnell led Vicki into a desolate cornfield, where, he had dug her grave three or four days earlier.

Scott William Darnell had dreams too, but his dreams are every parent’s worst nightmare. When 15-year-old Scott Darnell moved in with his grandparents in May 1979, he brought with him a history of molesting children and other violent acts. While still in grade school, Darnell established a pattern of molesting young girls. He later threatened a girl with a knife, tried to rape a 10-year-old girl, and assaulted staff members at juvenile facilities where he was assigned. In fact Scott had been housed in every juvenile facility in IL at the time of his parole. (The state called it a summer release.)

A psychiatrist would testify a year later that Darnell was “a homicide waiting to happen.” The system knew Darnell dreamed of raping and murdering little girls. And yet they released him into a community who had no knowledge what he was or what he had done or dreamed of doing. They were not allowed to protect their little girls from this monster.

Darnell knew in this little town of just 600, he’d be able to make his dreams a reality. He’d already found his victim; he’d been to her home. Her parents trusted him because they didn’t know what he had done or what he was capable of. The law was actually on his side - protecting him, and in a sense helping him, to commit his next crime - only this time he added murder to the mix.

In planning Darnell gathered wooden stakes with leather straps to bind her while he tortured her, he conveniently placed this right next to the shallow grave he dug. Now all he had to do was to lure her into the cornfield. He did that with the promise of a pony. Once she was there his dream became a sick reality. Darnell was at least twice Vicki by size and weight. He knew it wouldn’t be difficult for him to subdue her. Darnell forcibly raped and killed little Vicki, torturing her and strangling her then throwing her little lifeless body into that shallow grave like she was yesterday’s trash.

Why did he do it? To fulfill his sexual needs. Darnell had already established a pattern of sexual deviance and possessed the character traits - criminal, narcissistic, he lacked guilt, remorse, empathy and compassion. All this had been well documented in his psychological exams while housed in the juvenile facilities prior to his release in May 1979.

On Friday July 13, 1979 Vicki’s body was found. (Daily Herald Story) Darnell confessed, he was found guilty and sentenced to 30 yr’s for the rape and given natural life for the murder. The verdict came on what should have been little Vicki’s 11th birthday.

At 18 Darnell was to be sent to an adult prison. He has never shown guilt, remorse or sadness for his actions. Darnell devalues Vicki’s rights and over values his rights, he is indifferent to and or aroused by the pain, suffering, injury or humiliation he did to Vicki.

It’s now 30 years later and Scott Darnell inmate #N42540, is now age 46- a Buddhist who calls himself Legion - is an example of true evil in this world.

In a failed attempt to escape prison (the rules don’t apply to him) officials found this letter in his cell. Darnell even in prison, continues to dream of rape and murder. He cares nothing for the murder of Vicki he even misspells her name.

Through the years Darnell has made notoriety, based on him being a criminal in for life- by writing for various Buddhist publications such as (but not limited to) Tricycle, Turning Wheel, Shambhala Sun and Buddhadharma: The Practitioner’s Quarterly. His copyrighted article entitled “Meeting Myself in the Cell House” was published in The Best Buddhist Writing 2005. Darnell writes about no remorse for his horrendous crimes, in fact he is less than honest in his description of why he is prison at all. Making it sound like one big horrible mistake. These writings are more evidence he has not accepted responsibility for the rape and murder of the 10 yr old child Vicki Larson nor is he remorseful or repentant even after 30 yrs in prison.

What criminals count on is forgetful memories, dead victims and a lack of knowledge of the crime. Just as Darnell has attempted to rewrite history the Internet can be used to remind people of the truth and facts. The truth and facts of this case are, that Scott Darnell is a repeat sexual pedophile and child murderer.

He does not ask for forgiveness in any of his writings. He does talk about himself and how he’s had a bad life (You see he is more important). He blames his mother who died of diabetes when he was 7. Never once does he say he was a repeat sexual pedophile and child murderer. When Darnell chants “No more victim, No more victim”, I am convinced he is speaking of “himself the victim.”

In stark contrast to the evident EVIL found in Darnell I am amazed at the GOOD found in Vicki’s mother, Dora Larson. Dora is a wonderful example of a good mother and proves that - in her life’s work - by not letting her little girl’s murder be in vein.

Dora was the founder and executive director of the Protecting All Children Together (PACT) coalition. She sacrificed much to help other children who had been victims of sexual abuse. Think about how hard that must have been for Dora to endure - how many times her thoughts would be brought back her own little girl’s suffering. She didn’t stop there - Dora in 1997 then headed up the Victims Services Unit in the Department of Corrections. You see Dora had the empathy and the understanding and she backed it up with her service for others. Now Dora is officially retired but still helps others as she is the Vice President of Illinois Victims. Over the last 30 years Dora has helped to pass many laws protecting victim rights. Dora is a woman I am so proud to know. She makes me want to be a better person and a better mother. When I think of Dora, I think of God’s love. What is love? Love is actions and that is Dora - she is “God’s Love in action.”

Dora wrote a letter to Darnell, she wanted him to know God would forgive him, if only he would repent - if he would ask for forgiveness and come to faith in Jesus, he too could go to Heaven. Dora knows Justice belongs to God and God is a just God.

In return, true to his EVIL self, Darnell wrote Dora a 4 page-scathing letter telling her “How dare you ask ME if I believe in God.” He then used Dora’s letter against her - by falsely presenting it to the Prison Review Board as proof that his victim’s mother wanted him to go free. Remember Darnell can’t spell Vicki’s name right, or write about her or what he has done to her, or say he’s sorry for what he’s done. He doesn’t like God and he calls himself “Legion.”

In Sept of 2008 Darnell filed another petition for executive clemency asking for a pardon from his 30-year sentence for rape and commutation of his life sentence for murder to time served. In his letter he changed his crime (including changing the murder and forcible rape to the name of "it"). He also claims to be a model prisoner. (It’s helpful there are no 10 or 11-year-old little girls in prison.)

Darnell deserved the death penalty for the heartless murder of this 10-year old girl. If he had been put to death, he could not make threats on other innocent people or write books from jail. Dora doesn’t want any other little girls graves to be dug or raped or killed by Darnell.

To paraphrase one of Dora’s favorite old saying, evil triumphs when good men (and women) do nothing. Will you help to keep all little girls safe and join us in writing the Governor and the Illinois Prisoner Review Board? Please ask that Scott W. Darnell be denied all clemency. Write to: Illinois Prisoner Review Board, 319 E. Madison St., Suite A, Springfield, Ill., 62701. And/or contact Governor Pat Quinn, 207 State House, Springfield, IL 62706.

All of us have trouble dealing with such evil - and I think our society has an even harder time dealing with it. It is my opinion that our society does not like to admit the presence of true evil. We like to think that all people are basically good . . . or at least have some good in them. But there are some people whom M. Scott Peck, a famous author, calls "People of the Lie" who have given themselves over to evil, whom the devil controls completely.

Darkness is powerful and prevalent. It surrounds us. However, it cannot extinguish the light. Even when murderers and rapists deprive us of life, we have life in God's Son. Little Vicki and her brave Mother Dora know. He gives us eternal life. He frees us from all suffering. Others can take our "body and life" but they cannot take the faith that is in our hearts. They cannot take our Savior away from us - no matter how cruel or awful they may be. We have victory in Jesus. Jesus said to his disciples hours before he was to be beaten, flogged and crucified, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). We also have the promise, "Our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us" (Romans 8:18). As bad as things get here - and I cannot think of anything worse than a precious 10-year old girl being raped and murdered - the wonder of heaven will be far greater. Dora looks forward to her happy reunion with her child and an eternity of perfect happiness one day in Heaven.

Dora keep that light shining your light has strengthened my faith and countless others. What a wonderful reward you will have in heaven. “The spirit of the dead will survive in the memory of the living.” A memorable quote from the movie The Mission.

"The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it" (John 1:5)