"Running on Empty"

By Susan Murphy Milano

I stood on the neighbor's front steps watching as the officers carried out the large black body bags lifting and placing each one into the paddy wagon for transport to the county morgue. In a sigh of pain and relief I exhaled thinking to myself it was finally over.

I prayed my mother was in a peaceful place where anger and violence do not exist . And I hoped my father was rotting someplace in the belly of hell.

I believed that by assisting other women and their children from living in violent households or meeting the same fate as my mother I could erase my own years of childhood trauma and violence. Neatly I packaged my life and placed my feelings in the furthest corner of my mind barely giving them a second thought, always placing the needs of others first. Yet somehow, with each new candle added to the birthday cake, my hope for happiness diminished within my own life.

After 20 years my life's gas tank was on empty. Peace and hope seemed like a far away ship always sailing without me. I was wonderful at giving others what they needed but somehow I was unable to figure out the way do that for me and my own needs.

This past year I had run myself down and fell ill with a deadly flu virus and nearly died. When I awoke to the glaring lights of the hospital emergency room I overheard the doctors say it was a miracle I survived the ordeal. It would be a long two months until I recovered.

With time on my hands I continued to ask myself why I had survived? Surely by now I had more than fulfilled my life's contract. And although I was ready to go home, it was obvious God's plan was for me to stay awhile longer.

Six months later while working on a new book project, unleashing old demons, I realized after all these years I was still punishing myself for not being able to come to the aide of my mother prior to her murder.

Those of us who survive the horrors of family homicide never really get past the guilt and pain associated with the traumatic event. Often we are too proud to seek out professional services from clergy or mental health professionals. Instead, we walk around as if we are carrying 50 pound suitcases in each arm filled with the weight of our deep dark guilt. I have discovered in order move past the pain I must acknowledge it exists and ask God to sprinkle my path with peace and hope.

From the Bible there are many words of wisdom and power. One verse has always held special meaning when I need strength, Psalm 18:6 says:

"In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him into his ears."

“Follow Your Passion-----------Crime of Passion”

By Jillian Maas Backman          

Funny how one word (passion) can transform a person’s reaction from radiance to rage in a matter of a few strategically placed phrases…..  I make this point to stress the importance of understanding how language transmits an energetic force into the world.  Think of how you felt when you first read this caption.  Was your initial reaction to the first phrase joyful and then engaging your mind with the second part, anger or confusion?

This written example demonstrates how powerful words- both written and spoken - create a reactionary energy inside each one of us.  In a time when communication technology is super heightened; texting, instant messages, social networking and more, our natural filtering seems to be at an all-time low.  Meaning, we say want we want, when we want and how we want without any consideration of the energetic transformation that piggybacks right along to the receiver at the other end. Eventually this pulls us energetically further and further apart from the feelings of empathy, responsibility and oneness from our neighbors, communities and eventually society. 

More often, all crimes of VIOLENCE start with vicious words towards each other.  This kind of word-full abuse slowly permeates into the soul of a human being from the inside out.  The result of this kind of word-filled energy attack leaves a person with feelings of self- worthlessness, powerlessness and pain, a true indicator of a slippery path to destruction of everyone directly involved. 

Assignment:

Be accountable for what you say, and present, to your loved ones this week.  Motivate yourself to replace old words with more elevated vocabulary choices, such as replacing victim with victor, survivor with thriver….

WORDS HURT.

Your profound awareness of this can change the world

one phrase at a time! 

In loving gratitude, Jillian

Make A Statement - Fight For A Cure

By Cherry Simpson

When I first saw these words they were in reference to cancer, a disease, which can be life threatening but in light of medical advancement and deterrents, cancer rates are dropping.

But we can’t say the same about domestic violence, we need to ask “why not?’ Shouldn’t law reflect reality? My thoughts go to my daughter Regan Martin and her struggle to escape abuse; she is a spousal rape and abuse survivor. 

Wouldn’t it be nice if the justice system supported domestic violence victims with the same love and understanding the medical community shows a cancer victim? Undergoing chemotherapy is scary and so is going to court. But there’s no TLC for victims’ in court

.

My daughter spent hours at the Will County Courthouse (where accused wife murderer Drew Peterson is regularly seen) in front of Judge Schoenbecht. She spent months and lots money going to court, the defense routinely impugned her character, and the cost was hers to bear. Hard to believe, in America, it is the victim who is put on trial and sentenced - criminal and victim rights hang in an ugly imbalance.

Victim’s Impact Statement 

On Nov 18, 2008 we sat waiting, on a hard wooden bench, in the hall outside room 405 of Will County Court.  This day Regan had help, her pro-bono victim’s attorney Rachel Morse, and her victim’s advocate Susan Murphy-Milano, her grandmother and I were there to support her.  The DA read the lethality assessment done by Harvard Law Professor Diane Rosenfeld. The court was given a letter written by the Cindy Bischof Foundation and other supporting documents.

It was time for the truth. I was sworn in and with great emotion and pain in my voice I read Regan’s Victim’s Impact Statement. I remember how quiet it became as I read. From the stand I could see the convicted felon, inmate R58888, in his blue jumpsuit, his chains rattling as he shifted in his chair. Behind him sat his mother, sister and grandma. I saw tears in the eye of the court reporter. I saw love on my daughter’s face as I spoke her words.

The VIS was also sent to the probation officer assigned to do the pre-sentencing report in the weeks prior to sentencing and the Prison Review Board after sentencing. The victim can frequently significantly influence the sentencing and probation. 

The Victim’s Impact Statement helps to balance the scales of justice for victims of abuse.

"Trust Me, I AM YOUR INTUITION"

By Anny Jacoby

You are walking to your friend's home suddenly it is night fall. The directions you were emailed earlier in the day from your friend are a bit confusing, you're not exactly sure where you are. You pick up the pace, walking faster, you pass Second Street, Third Street, Fourth Street, Fifth Street. In an instant your eyes are drawn away from the piece of paper in your hand and you look around, realizing that you are now, totally lost.

You panic. You begin to speak to yourself, "Breathe....breathe". Looking around you feel vulnerable because you do not know where you are; your mind is trying to figure out where you might be and you are limiting your self-protection because you are distracted. As you continue to walk toward the next block, you see two men leaning against the side of a building. You start to think.....Should I ask them for directions? However, you start to get a deep uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Something is telling you to turn around and go in the opposite direction. The warning voice in your head will not go away and it only gets louder and louder matching the increased pace of your heartbeat. You stop, the slight hesitation in your footsteps grabs the attention of the two men. Do you ignore your gut feeling and brush off this strange feeling as paranoia? Or, do you listen to THE voice in your head of the warning signals going off and run like hell?

Listening to intuition is often the most ignored safety step. Intuition and awareness are the first two steps to safety. It's always easier to dismiss our hunches with logic or rationalizations. In some cases, we can get away with choosing to listen to logic or wishful thinking over our intuition. But the consequences of taking unnecessary chances can be something we carry for the rest of our life if something bad happens.

We often do not respect our instincts/intuition because we don't want to become paranoid and make unreasonable decisions as a result. We need to be able to trust our gut, our brain needs to be equally involved in that process. The best way to determine the usefulness and accuracy of intuition is to use it. When it comes to deciding whether or not to confront a possible dangerous situation and you begin to get that weak, ill, warning feeling....it's best to trust those warning signs. This is YOUR INTUITION facing the threat and telling you to get away.

So, you ask....how can I tune in to hear my intuition? Following these suggestions may be of help:

1. Listening to intuition always requires a choice of where you place your attention. Ignore anything that will distract your attention.

2. Be silent.

3. While being silent, focus your attention on emotional feelings, images or words that come to your mind. This allows you to identify what your intuition is saying.

4. Be willing to do what intuition says to do.

5. Don't question it: Intuition NEVER engages debating.

6. Follow your intuition.

7. Understand that other people will always have judgments about you. You determine what is right for you! Don't do what your best friend or others tell you what to do. Don't rely on trusting your elders because we have heard for years "they have the years of experience". Listen to your own intuition and act on it.

Your intuition will ALWAYS lead you in the right direction. You are the only one that knows what YOU are feeling.

Isn't it just easier to trust intuition?

Is there anything wrong with BEING SMART?

I would rather be wrong of my intuition than risk putting myself in danger.

Wouldn't you?

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Breaking Through: Why is there still resistance to victim rights in the justice system?

Since so many countries have granted rights to crime victims, guaranteed in legislation, surely this means that each and every victim will receive the full benefit of these rights?

Unfortunately, no.

Rights for victims of crime and abuse of power has been a popular political issue for some time; after all, what office-holder would want to be seen as being against helping the injured and weak?

While the actions of politicians and governments have been welcomed, we need to recognize that simply enacting a law -- or legislating a right -- into existence does not mean it will be willingly accepted, completely embraced, actively promoted and fully funded by all the individuals, agencies and services it will affect.

While victims of crime receive sterling service from the vast majority of criminal justice system, there are constant reports from victims of both individuals and (at times) entire offices offering poor service or showing a lack of empathy. This resistance to supplying the information, services and support which law or policy requires that victims be given becomes the source of a form of re-victimization. The crime victim loses all sense of control and worth to officials of a seemingly uncaring criminal justice system, and certainly loses any sense of satisfaction with the justice system.

Resistance to fully accepting and implementing these relatively new rights is normally seen through several different behaviours. Each of these three commonly seen behaviours also has a different potential remedy (or set of remedies).

• Individual attitudes
  
• Political inertia
• Systemic resistance

We'll take a look at these one at a time.


Individual attitudes
When it comes to applying basic victim rights, such as the right to be informed of available social services, or the right to be kept informed of case development, much is left to up the individual police officer, detective, or prosecuting attorney. Their personal views on the importance of victim rights, and the impact workplace issues such as case load and funding, can greatly influence the manner in they comply with regional law or agency policy on the application of victim rights.

Let's face it, the criminal justice system is a high-pressure environment. A busy police officer may forget to inform crime victims of the availability of victim services. Harried detectives can overlook giving victims case updates. An underfunded prosecutor with a heavy case load may cut corners. These are situations which, while deplorable, are understandable. Yet, time and time again, victims of crime report that individuals within these agencies show not only occasional forgetfulness, but a shocking lack of understanding -- if not actual disregard -- for the rights granted victims by law and demanded by policy.

Victim Participation and Therapeutic Jurisprudence
"In a recent study on victims' experiences in the Quebec criminal courts, Wemmers and Cyr (2006) found that victims were not systematically informed about the services available to them. Most victims were not asked by police if they wanted information about victim support and most did not know where to go for help or information. This might not be an issue if the victims in this study were not affected by their victimization, but almost three-quarters of respondents were victims of violent crime and most victims said that they were affected by the crime. In all, 45% of the victims who participated in the study showed symptoms of PTSD."

In individuals, this disregard may be rooted in a lack of empathy (simply not understanding what victims are going through, and why these rights are important), a simple resistance to change ("we've never had to do this before"), or the individual may be suffering from professional burnout (they have seen so much pain they no longer wish to deal with it; this is a form of caregiver stress).

No victim should accept less than reasonable service and their full rights under the law. Don't be afraid to speak to a superior at the agency in question; they may be able to supply a reasonable answer as to why the incident in question occurred. Alternatively, they may not be aware of the behavior of the person in question. Often sensitivity training on victimization (its effects and why providing victim rights and services provide tangible results) can help overcome individual issues for staff finding it difficult to see why providing the services are important.

As mentioned, such behavior in a representative of the justice system can also be caused by burnout. If a staff person shows evidence of psychological stress or burnout, supervisors need to know; victims may not realize the seriousness of the traits being exhibited. The concern is for the mental health for the employee, as employees in this field can develop their own form of PTSD from their constant exposure to horrendous cases of victimization.

Never be afraid to speak up if you suffer poor treatment. You will be helping the agency in question learn to deliver better service to future victims, and you may well be helping agency staff.

However, where a number of individuals within an agency or service display the same traits, we are likely looking at an issue of systemic resistance, which we will cover shortly.


Political inertia
As I mentioned earlier, few politicians want to be seen as being hard on victims, or soft on crime. The granting of theoretical victim rights via legislation generates strong political capital for those involved, which is one reason it is so popular. The hard work comes in creating effective programs which ensure authentic and needed services to victims.

A major component in this is providing sufficient funding. This is where the next level of resistance comes into play.

In the world of government funding, with a finite amount of resources, there is always fierce competition for money, whether between government offices, the funded agencies, or simply different levels of government (local, regional, national)

It is not unusual to see politicians pass bills which, while sounding wonderful, do not provide access to the funds needed for the legislation to actual work.

Adding Insult to Injury: Investigation into the treatment of victims by the Criminal Injuries Compensation Board (Ontario, Canada)
"The primary reason for the Board’s colossal failure is that successive Ontario governments have been unprepared to fund the promises they have made to crime victims. The Province has proclaimed a grandiose program of support through the Compensation for Victims of Crime Act, but then imposed fiscal control so tightly that it has choked off not only the Criminal Injuries Compensation Board’s effectiveness, but its compassion as well. Today, the primary responsibility for this lies with the present government, and urgent action is needed."

Victims not informed they are eligible for compensation (UK)
"Two-thirds of UK crime victims are not informed that they are eligible for crime victim compensation. Even those who are informed often decide not to apply because the the bureaucratic application process…"

The remedy to this form of resistance can only be political action and lobbying by advocacy groups and the general public. Join a victim rights organization, take part in advocacy programs, write to your government representatives. If you see a problem in services, get active!


Systemic resistance
The final form of resistance to victim rights comes from groups or classes of people who, by training or by occupation, view the application of victim rights as threatening, or simply outside the scope of their work. Most often these are found in the court system.

By long tradition and training, members of the legal profession often view the criminal justice system as a dialog between two parties: the prosecution and the defense. The introduction of rights for a third party, in the form of the victim of crime with rights equal to the offender, is creating serious tension in today's court system.

Giving Crime Victims More of Their Say: A federal law has created tensions in the legal system (USA)
"But defense attorneys say that changing the adversarial system further would have dangerous consequences. Most problematic, they say, would be allowing victims more control over prosecutorial decisions. Victims can be biased, attorneys say, and they sometimes fail to understand how their case fits into the system as a whole.

...Defense attorneys are also wary of the influence that victims may have on plea agreements. And they point out that a victim's testimony, in bail or sentencing hearings, is not subject to the same cross-examination as is the testimony of other witnesses. Overall, they worry that inserting victims more broadly into the process pits the defendant against not one, but two, adversaries."

Judge: Defendant’s rights trump those of victims (USA)
"Attorney Herbert S. Moncier, who represents Sudderth’s mother in a wrongful death lawsuit against Whiteside, alleged Sudderth’s survivors’ rights were violated when prosecutors and Whiteside attorney Gregory P. Isaacs struck a deal that allowed Whiteside to be arraigned a day early and his bond cut without a hearing.

But (Judge) Leibowitz opined that while prosecutors are required under the victims’ rights law to notify victims of any changes in hearing dates, they are immune from penalty if they fail to do so. She also opined that a defendant’s rights trump victims’ rights."

If you have a few minutes, you can view an impassioned plea for the rights of crime victims in an uncaring justice system from Dr. Marlene Young and Dr. Irvin Waller, at a WSV press conference given at the 11th UN Congress on Crime Prevention and Criminal Justice 2005 (note RealPlayer plugin required).

Some in the legal community take the view that giving rights to victims equals taking away rights from the accused. Others are concerned that overly emotional victim involvement will unduly sway judicial sentencing.

High court cracks down on emotional testimony (USA)
"Three members of the U.S. Supreme Court today expressed concern about the growing use during death penalty trials of elaborate victim impact statements and video presentations."

There is no easy remedy to this form of resistance. Certainly the legal aspects of this debate can only be settled in the manner normal in the courts when dealing with new law; by case-by-case testing and review, until a body of formal and common precedent establishes the precise limits to which they courts will accept victim interaction.

Changing professional attitudes is another matter. Victim advocates and legal educators are coming to believe that attitudes and ways of thought in the justice system can be best influenced by working on the next generation of lawyers and jurists. How? By providing training to law students on victim rights, the effects of crime, and other sensitivity training.

In other words, working to change the criminal justice system from within, by working to change the attitudes of the next generation of jurists. This will take time, but is the most likely way to change the present two-party court model (accused and prosecution) to a three-party model (victim, accused and prosecution).

While highly unlikely to take place in the near future, it is to be hoped victim rights will eventually advance to match those of Japan (and a few other countries), where victims now have rights to directly take part in court proceedings, under specific conditions and limits.

HALLOWEEN IS SCARIER THAN EVER

SEXUALIZING OUR DAUGHTERS--

DOES MONEY TRUMP SOCIAL & PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE?

By Michelle Simonsen

In the 2004 teen movie, “Mean Girls”, Lindsay Lohan’s character describes Halloween as the time of the year “where any girl can dress like a total slut and no one can say anything.”

Words of wisdom from Lindsay Lohan?

Early this fall I received a child’s Halloween costume catalog in the mail. Plastered on every other page were little girls dressed in provocative costumes. I’d seen outfits like this, but they were made for adults, not children. I was completely shocked. Do parents ACTUALLY buy this stuff for their kids? Is anyone seriously stupid enough to let their daughter parade around like that?

I’m no prude— and don’t tell me that pedophilia is the “new” sexual fetish and that I should accept how our world is today. I knew without having to think that those little girls’ costumes were sick and wrong. It brought me back to how disgusted I felt when I saw pictures of Jon Benet Ramsey. And I remember most of the country was outraged as well.

Where is the outrage now?

THE BLAME GAME—MEDIA, ADVERTISING, MARKETING OR PARENTING?

“Sorry, don’t take offense…it’s just business…”

Businesses are formed for the sole purpose of making a profit. Do you remember the famous quote from the movie “Wall Street” where Michael Douglas proclaimed, “Greed is good”? Yuppies may be a thing of the past, but business practices have stayed the same, some for the worse.

A business is designed to cater to consumer needs. By providing a product that will guarantee a sale and profit, many businesses are guilty of stooping to despicable levels in order to sell that product, no matter how wrong or harmful. As long as they make money--“that’s the bottom line.”

In today’s business world, people will sell their souls for $50 million, plus a mansion, boat, and three mistresses. It’s the “new style” of business right along the lines of certain Enron executives and Bernie Madoff.

The media, advertisers and marketers act as the fuel that fires this kind of consumerism. And folks, some of you are drinking up that propaganda like a “biggie-sized” cup of kool-aid.

After I received that Halloween costume catalog, I wrote an article outraged that Halloween is a way to cash in for some companies by making and selling costumes that sexualize little girls. A woman who read my post was just as incensed as I was, and took advantage of the company’s email I provided.

By reading the company’s “customer service” response alone you would think that no one out there cares—that we should mind our own business, and “different strokes for different folks”. Get over it.

I hope that his “view” is not the majority. I’m hoping he’s just a really good employee doing his job by defending the company that pays his mortgage. I’m hoping his rudeness comes out of exasperation of having to reply to mounting complaints.

I could be wrong. He might just be a desensitized scumbag all by himself.

http://michellesaysso.blogspot.com/2009/08/dressing-little-girls-like-sluts-for.html

ConstumeExpress.com

5915 S. Mooreland Rd.

New Berlin, WI 53151

Dear Terri,



While we value all our customer's opinions, I must elaborate on the idea of equality. Not everyone shares your opinions, many of our customers find the costumes we sell to be cute and more than acceptable for their children. You no more have the right to tell these people what to buy or allow their children to wear than they would you for yours. We provide a wide range of product choices for a wide audience of customer. Our goal is to ensure that all of our costumes have options when it comes to product choice.

Sincerely,



Josh


Customer Service


www.CelebrateExpress.com

STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH

I was sick of hearing things from an adult point of view. I wanted to talk directly to a young girl and listen to what she had to say. I wanted to hear her “truth” about what is really going on with kids today; and how she felt about the companies who sell inappropriate clothing to girls her age.

Would she be just another typical pre-teen following the crowd? Do all the images from television, magazines and movies really shape her thoughts and beliefs?

I was pleasantly surprised when I spoke to “Katherine”, a 7th grader from Indianapolis. I am 36. She is 12. We spoke as if we were the same age. This young girl actually has more common sense and intelligence than some adults.

Compared to most girls her age, she is incredibly mature, savvy and grounded. She is more interested in track and tennis, writing in her journal, hanging out with her girlfriends, reading, listening to music, and the world around her. She likes Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, and looks up to Hillary Clinton. “I like Hillary Clinton because she ran for president and she didn’t care what people thought about her.”

She is happy with her body image, but notes that other girls her age are not of the same attitude. A beautiful girl with brains to boot!

I showed her the pictures from the Halloween catalog and she expressed her disapproval and found them “absolutely inappropriate.” She told me about the other girls from her middle school and how things have changed over the last couple of years. Some girls who used to be her friends have turned into what her and her friends call “slocks”…a combination of a jock and a slut.

“From 6th to 7th grade there has been a major change in some of the girls in my school. At cheer practice some girls wear shorts that barely cover their butt. I’ve been noticing a lot of girls that will wear low v-neck T-shirts with a bright bra underneath…so you can see right through it.” She continued, “There is no dress code at my school, so many of the girls will wear see-through tank tops with black padded bras their mom’s bought them from Victoria Secret.”

If I remember correctly, my mom bought my clothes at that age, and it wasn’t from Victoria Secret.

“Katherine” told me about a girl in her school that has her belly button pierced. She is only 13. I asked her how this girl could get a piercing without parental consent? She stated, “Her mom is a hairdresser, so she pierced it for her.”

"Katherine" does not look up to anyone in the media, and specifically mentioned her contempt for the show, “The Girls Next Door”. She even fell off the addictive media/marketing bandwagon for Disney teen queen, Hannah Montana.

“I used to like Hannah Montana…when Miley was 14 she wore appropriate clothes and now Hannah Montana is wearing strapless dresses that barely cover her butt and tiny leggings that go to fingertip length just so she looks like she’s wearing appropriate clothes, but she’s not!”

ADVERTISING & MARKETING = AN EVIL POISON?

In the book Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing Our Daughters From Marketing Schemes, authors Lyn Mikel Brown, Ed.D., and Sharon Lamb, Ed.D., note that the industry used to push cereal and toys to this age group but that today, this has changed. “…The marketers’ goal above and beyond everything else is to get kids to part with their money. So parents of preteen should ‘be aware of the ways marketers, through the media, are channeling their daughters’ desires…not only are they encouraging girls to be older (sexier, hotter) at younger ages, but they’re introducing girls to a very narrow image of what it means to be a girl.” (Cite)

“Katherine” told me, “It’s hard to buy regular clothes because most stores sell outfits you aren’t even allowed to wear at school.”

This book reiterates Katherine’s problem. “In many retail stores you’ll find things such as tight hip-huggers for five-year olds; faux black-leather jackets for second-graders; low-rise flared jeans for middle-schoolers; and thongs, camisoles and lace panties for preteens. And you’ll even find little girls’ dolls wearing these same fashion items. “

In the article, “So Sexy, So Soon: The Sexualization of Childhood in Commercial Culture” it states, “According to the American Psychological Association, in their Report of the APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls, girls as young as 4 and 5 years old are no longer wearing “old-fashioned” clothing styles but are now wearing push up bras, thongs, mini or micro-mini skirts, sequined crop tops and other hooker-style “fashionable” outfits.”

The Association also reported “fashion trends in clothing for boys depict disrespectful, violent themes with sayings on T-shirts such as, “Mr. Pimp”, “Mr. Well Hung” and similar disgusting messages.” (Cite)

DARE TO BLAME FEMINISTS!?

“Population Research Institute” published an article in March 2007 entitled, “Feminism, Consumerism & the Sexualization of Girls” in which the author and Vice President of The Population Research Institute, Joseph A. D’Agostino stated that it is the fault of feminists that there is a problem.

D’Agostino argues, “The politically correct view is that the sexualization of girls and feminism are opposing forces, but in fact they have gone hand-in-hand.”

He continues, “Feminists have taught girls and women that chastity is oppressive, that they should liberate themselves. They have also taught that there are no natural limits to sexuality. Witness their enthusiastic embrace of homosexuality. So, based on feminist principles, why shouldn’t little girls sexualize themselves?”

I have a huge problem with this author’s weak argument claiming feminists have taught girls that they should “liberate themselves”. Throughout feminist history, pressure was placed on the government and society to accept women as equals in the world and work-place. There was no mention that feminism encouraged the sexualization of women or girls.

I believe this author has mistaken true feminists with women who believed in “free love”, were “experimental hippies” of the 60’s, or those who participated in the 70’s and 80's sexual excess. Note: These individuals were all adults, not children.

“NOW”—The National Organization of Women, was founded in 1966 with its main focus placed on discrimination in the workplace proclaiming, “…NOW is a public voice for equal rights for women. It has been extremely effective in enacting rhetorical strategies that have brought about concrete changes in laws and policies that enlarge women’s opportunities and protect their rights.” (Cite)

I don’t read anything about the act of sex, or women’s sexuality in that mission statement, do you?

If this author would have done some research before blasting Gloria Steinem he should have read her biography, and then he would have known that it was Steinem who in 1963 wrote a groundbreaking investigative report of how the women of Playboy were treated. Steinem has also “been a vehement critic of pornography, which she distinguishes from erotica:

"Erotica is different from pornography as love is from rape, as dignity is from humiliation, as partnership is from slavery, as pleasure is from pain.” Steinem also argues, “Blatant or subtle, pornography involves no equal power or mutuality. In fact, much of the tension and drama comes from the clear idea that one person is dominating the other.” (Cite)

Without citing this source, D’Agostino claims, “Up to 40% rape allegations are completely bogus. There are just as many morally reprehensible women out there as men…they have a degraded mentality.” (Cite)

PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY

What is the difference between the parents of yesterday and the parents of today?

“Parents think it’s clever or “cute” to allow their young girls to wear tight T-shirts that say, “So many boys, so little time”, or smiling as their young daughter sings, “Dont’cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”, but they won’t be so amused when their child becomes sexually active or pregnant by the time they turn 12.” (Cite)

There are plenty of parents that don’t even see their kids off to school, let alone see what they are wearing. Why were parents more involved and protective of their children in past decades than they are now?

I’m not suggesting that every parent is of this nature, but it is obvious that plenty are.

Dressing up and trying to be sexy is not a new phenomenon. In the old days, some girls wore skimpy clothes underneath their school clothes so their parents wouldn’t see what they were wearing when they walked out the door.

“Katherine” expressed that she feels parents today don’t take enough active interest their children. “Some parents really don’t care what their kids do. Like my ex-boyfriend went over to his girlfriend’s house and he didn’t get home until midnight. I know her mom wasn’t home…I was like, ‘what were they doing over there?’”

She also stated, “Some moms…I hate to say are the skanky type, but they are. They are thinking, ‘I didn’t get to live this way, so you should’. I think some moms live vicariously through their daughters. My mom used to…and I was like “Mom! I don’t like that!” I’ve started to stand up to my mom, but I’m scared of what she’ll think of me. I don’t want her to think I’m trying to run against her, like I don’t love her anymore.”

BOTTOM LINE

Parents: Your child does not own you. You are there as a teacher of life, not a friend. Are we as parents too afraid to do our jobs by giving in and purchasing or allowing whatever your child wants just so you don’t have to participate or be bothered?

It’s not ok.

Educate yourself about the consequences of dangerous consumerism and use that knowledge to protect your child. Educate fellow parents. Don’t go with the pack and allow these atrocities. Stand up, say something. You’d be surprised how many would be right behind you because they are too weak, naïve, cowardly, or apathetic to make the first move.

It only takes one person to start the locomotion. Notice how long that train gets when we are together for the greater good? Kill the apathy this country consumes by getting opinionated and vocal. You don’t have to quit your job and start a non-profit organization to make your point. As an individual, communicate. Educate. Elicit awareness.

We can’t accept and believe that society will thrive and maintain itself if we continue to turn a blind eye to long term social and psychological abuse towards our children. A downfall of civilization doesn’t happen with one rock falling; rather, it’s the hundreds of other rocks that chip away at our “American Foundation”.

Without the dollars and demand, these companies wouldn’t produce and market these clothes.

So I ask, who is to blame? If you answered “parents”, then you get a gold star. Congratulations. Now stand up and do something about it.

Michelle Simonsen is a victim's rights advocate, crime analyst and blogger for "Michelle Says So", founder of the grassroots consumer boycott, "Boycott Aruba--Justice for Natalee Holloway", an advisory board member of "Survivors in Action", and is a contributing writer for "Now Public", and "True Crime Talk".

From Bondage to Freedom

By Robert L. Carpenter

There is a story in the Old Testament that tells us about the children of Israel while they were in Egypt. There were literally millions of men, women, and children living in Egypt under Pharoah’s rule and reign. Generations of families had been born and died in Egypt.

Egypt was a place of bondage and slavery for the Israelites. Night and day all they did was serve Pharaoh, who was a ruthless, arrogant and selfish dictator. Their life was not their own.

Also, Egypt was a place of depression. Many of the Israelites felt like they would never be able to leave Egypt and it depressed them. Although they knew they did not have to be in Egypt, and although they knew that there was a better place for them somewhere out there, they were manipulated to think that they would always have to remain in Egypt. Consequently, many became depressed.

Egypt was also a place of poverty. Nothing that they earned, which was virtually nothing, was theirs. Pharaoh could, at any given time, take what they had earned and restrict what they could have in their possession. Egypt was a horrible place of overwhelming despair. It was not the place that they were destined to be.

One significant point that I ascertained from this story was that the children of Israel were only a day’s journey from their “Promised Land.” The Promised Land was a place of freedom. The Promised Land was a place of prosperity. The Promised Land was a place of new beginnings, but because the Israelites became comfortable in their discomfort, it took many years before they crossed over into the Promised Land. As a matter of fact, many generations of families died in Egypt and were not even given a proper burial.

There are multiplied millions of women in America who are right now in their own personal Egypt. They are in a place of bondage. They are in a place that they know they aren’t supposed to be. They are in a place of poverty. They are in a state of depression, just like the children of Israel. Their “Pharoah” has convinced them that they cannot have freedom. Their Pharaoh has convinced them that they cannot make it to their “promised land.” Their Pharaoh has told them that their quality of life will not improve. They have been manipulated and forced to believe that there is no way out. They have been told this is the way it is.

However, it only takes a day to change from bondage to freedom. It only takes determination to get out of Egypt. It only takes a revelation of knowing what they deserve in life. It takes a day to move into the Promised Land, which is a place of celebration, newness of life and prosperity.

Time’s up! It’s time to let our women know they don’t have to remain in bondage. Get the kids. Stop the generational cycle. Stop the madness and move from bondage to freedom today!

Overcoming Fear

by Tanya T. Warrington

One common denominator for all victims of violent crime is the acrid taste of fear that is left behind. We victims and former victims struggle with fears that it might happen again, that we don’t have the strength to carry on with normal living, and that in some way we are responsible for the trauma. 

We wrestle with or work hard to bury, frightening questions. If there is a God who loves me why didn’t He prevent this? If I am a good person why am I suffering such loss? If the other person is guilty why is he receiving such a light penalty? 

Then there are the self-judgments that fear generates.  If I’d only done one thing differently, then this horrible nightmare could have been averted—I am cursed. I should have known this was coming, all the signs were there—I am stupid.  If someone was okay with treating me this way, then there must be something wrong with me—I am defective.

We can try to deny fear and dismiss it. It doesn’t work for any length of time, no matter how many times we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t be afraid.

The trauma happened. It is normal to feel fear after a violent crime has ripped away our sense of security and brought us face to face with evil, with human sin run rampant.

So, what do we do with the fear that we never wanted? How do we process the betrayal(s) that shook us to our core? How do we move on without being crippled by the fear that hangs on to our heels?

To heal the deep wounds left on our heart, mind, soul, and body, we must face our fear. To move on after abuse, murder, kidnapping, rape, mugging, and other violent crimes we must face many fears, one at a time as they surface. 

As an incest survivor, date rape victim, former abused wife, and the parent of children who were sexually assaulted by another, I’ve had piles of fear to overcome. As a Christian, I turn to God for help with the massive task. With God’s help, I’ve learned how to face fears, how to accept them, how to analyze them, and how to take appropriate action in response. 

Here are steps that I take that might help you as you free yourself from that heap of fear that hinders wholeness and peace in your life. The perpetrator’s wrong and unjust actions brought the fears, but you are the one who can deal with your fears and grow in the process. Following are steps that I have found helpful in prevailing over fear:

1. Ask God to help you honestly face your fears.
2. Acknowledge each fear whenever it arises. I am frightened that_______________.
3. Write down the fear in a journal, say it aloud, or talk to a trusted friend about your fear.
4. Explore what the fear is telling you. Pray for wisdom so you can analyze the fear realistically. Are there current dangers that need to be addressed by seeking help from others, by taking precautionary steps, or by trying a new way of doing something? Are there emotions that need to be accepted and processed?
5. Let the fear go. I mentally place the fear in God’s capable hands. God invites us to cast all our anxieties upon Him because He cares for us (1Peter 5:7). I consider fear a heavy burden and I’ve learned that God is willing and able to take care of it.
6. Ask God for the courage to continue doing what is right and good, without letting any other fears stop you. Practice making decisions about how you want to live and then take actions that line up with those desires.

Expect fears to continue to resurface. Healing from trauma is a process, one that takes far longer than we would like. I’ve found that when fears resurface, dealing with them happens quicker and less painfully than the previous time. Progress is made. Healing happens in a deeper layer. My character is shaped. My life becomes more full and rewarding. 

God is an expert at healing and we can trust Him and re-learn to trust ourselves through the healing process.